VOD Review: Attack of the Lederhosen Zombies (2017)

"Nein."

The title Attack of the Lederhosen Zombies gives you the impression that some wacky, flesh-eating hi-jinks are in store, and that you're probably going to be in for a stupid good time.

Or so you'd think.

We really thought that we'd be getting something along the lines of the Dead Snow flicks with this one; you know, some clever lines, some inappropriate humor, plenty of awesome gore... but alas, this snowy Euro zombie flick is no Dead Snow.

Not even close.

Steve is a cocky snowboarder who doesn't want to grow up, no matter how many times his crazy-hot girlfriend, Branka, tells him that he needs to. He's scheduled to meet a fan on a remote mountaintop for a photo op, and he decides that he's going to not only jump from a helicopter and board down the mountain to meet them, but that he's going to do so naked... which turns out to to be the worst idea ever, because his super fan is a 9-year-old girl.

YEAH. YOUR BOYFRIEND SCARRED THAT POOR GIRL FOR LIFE.

Not only does his little stunt lose his team their sponsor, but furious at his immaturity, Branka dumps him. They're also told to leave the mountain, which proves to be impossible, because someone takes off with their helicopter, leaving them stranded. At least there's a Biergarten nearby where they can drink and dance.

IF SHE FLEW THEM THERE, THEN WHO MADE OFF WITH THEIR HELICOPTER?

There's also the matter of a local entrepreneur who is trying to fight global warming with a machine that makes neon green sludge (?!?), which ends up popping a leak, spraying a guy in the face, and turning him into a zombie who loves to dance to shitty music. Of course, the dance fever zombie ends up infecting nearly everyone else on the mountaintop, which leaves our bumbling snowboarding crew to fight for their lives... using their snowboards.

THE DANCE SCENE.

Where we expected this movie to be funny, most of its jokes ended up feeling forced and only mildly amusing at times to us. I mean, I guess some people will get a wacky kick out of two snowboarders doing stunts that decapitate and eviscerate the living dead that are trying to kill them, but all I could do was shake my head and ask "why?" during it all.

There are also no zombies wearing lederhosen in this movie, which was a bummer.

I liked the cast, especially the super cute Gabriela Marcinková. That's something, I guess.

Look, this is a valiant little effort that just isn't particularly funny or even remotely scary. If this movie had come out, say, 15 years ago, and we hadn't seen the same thing done better so many times over that same span, it would have probably amused us more. It had its moments, but it had plenty of swings and misses as well.

THAT WAS PRETTY MUCH OUR REACTION TO THIS MOVIE.

There are plenty of fun gore gags to be had once the zombie action kicks in towards the end of the movie. Of course, most of them are fairly tongue-in-cheek, but hey, at least it's gore. 

SNOWBOARD CARNAGE.

You'd think an Austrian Horror flick would have some gratuitous nudity on display, what with Europe being more progressive when it comes to that kind of thing and all, but nein, no naked Mädchen to be seen here.

SWISS MISS HAS HAD A ROUGH LIFE.

This is a movie that plenty of people are going to have fun with, but it just didn't work for us like we had hoped that it would. It was a decent-enough diversion though, so don't let us stop you from checking it out... just know that it's more cheesy than it is funny.

C-

Attack of the Lederhosen Zombies is available now on VOD.

Gabriela Marcinková is one Czech beauty who we need to see more of.