November 20, 2008

Solo Review: The Grapes of Death (1978)
Sub-Genre- Zombie/Raisin Horror
Cast Members of Note- A bunch of French people I have never heard of in my life.

Two women are taking a train to different vacation spots; one to Spain, one to see her "Winery Boss" boyfriend in the French Countryside. They are alone on the train, like 100% completely alone (?), until a guy with a pus-filled and dripping ear gets on board and kills one of them. The other chick screams a lot, and runs for her life... right into the arms of a bunch of other rotting, melting people.

Ladies and gentlemen: Marie, George, and Pascal.
Apparently, the wine from the local vineyard is tainted and turning everyone into stark raving mad zombies, much like Mad Dog 20/20 does: a husband kills wife and molests/kills his daughter; a father nails his blind daughter to a door and cuts her head off while screaming "I love you!"; a retarded guy bangs his forehead off of a car window, getting pus and viscera everywhere... so basically, it's a love story.

I don't know about you, but I'd trust her.
I won't spoil the ending for you here, mainly because it confused me too much, and I honestly have no idea how to spoil this movie for anyone, but suffice it to say that wine is the Devil's tool, and apparently, so are grapes.

No. We don't wonder about that at all.
This is one of those movies that I like because it reminds me of other Horror from the late 70's/early 80's, and not necessarily because it was all that great. It was however (despite its slow pace, and a story that didn't always make much sense), a fun ride to take.

I always praise Euro-Horror for getting certain things right; they do gore and atmosphere perfectly in most cases, but the trade-off is usually the lack of a coherent narrative and some really cheesy acting. That's exactly what we have here; a really fun, unsettling movie that makes little sense.

Because I had no idea what in the hell was going on, that's why.
I used to love grapes...

"You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have, The Grapes of Death."
What in the hell was with that ending? Ugh, the French !

And why is there always a creepy blind chick in foreign Horror movies!?!
Pitchforks in chests, people nailed to doors, some beheading, shootings, rotting and dripping flesh... This movie doesn't skimp on the bloody stuff.

"I love you!"
It's a French movie, so of course there was bound to be nudity, aka plenty of Le boobs, and Le kitty on display. It was all kinda gross though, if we're being honest...

She was too creepy for us to ogle.
Something about grapes... I can't remember.

Grapes are evil. Also, France is a creepy country to travel through.

Also, never feed grapes to cats; it gives them Feline AIDS or something.
This one gets a solid C, because it's a really decent effort, while at the same time being nothing spectacular. If you're in the mood for some nonsensical, old school Euro-Horror fun, then check it out... and why not have a glass of wine while you do!


The Grapes of Death is available now on Blu-ray, DVD, and VOD.

Did you know that Brigitte Lahaie was a French Pornstar in the 70's? Well you do now!

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