November 20, 2008

Solo Review- The Grapes of Death

The Grapes of Death (1978)  
Sub-Genre- Zombie/Raisin Horror  
In Attendance- Just me.  
Cast Members of Note- A bunch of French people I have never heard of in my life.  

What's it about?- Two women are taking a train to different vacation spots; one to Spain, one to see her "Winery boss" boyfriend in the French countryside. They are alone on the train, 100% completely alone (?), until a guy with a pus-filled and dripping ear gets on board and kills one of them. The other chick screams a lot, and runs for her life, right into the arms of a bunch of other rotting, melting people. 

Ladies and gentlemen: Marie, George, and Pascal. Yeah.
Apparently, the wine from the local vineyard is tainted and turning everyone into stark raving mad zombies, much like Mad Dog 20/20 does; a husband kills wife and molests/kills his daughter; a father nails his blind daughter to a door and cuts her head off while screaming "I love you!"; a retarded guy bangs his forehead off of a car window, getting oozing pus everywhere... so basically, it's a love story.

I don't know about you, but I'd trust her.
I won't spoil the ending here, mainly because it confused me too much and I have no idea how to spoil this movie for anyone, but suffice it to say that wine is the Devil's tool, and apparently, so are grapes.

The Good- This is one of those movies that I like because it reminds me of other horror from the late 70's/early 80's, and not necessarily because it was all that great. It was however, despite its slow pace and a story that didn't always make much sense, a fun ride to take.

Because I had no idea what in the hell was going on, that's why.
I always praise Euro-Horror for getting certain things right; they do gore and atmosphere perfectly in most cases, but the trade off is usually lack of a coherent narrative and cheesy acting. That's exactly what we have here.

The Bad- I used to love grapes... 

"You take the good, you take the bad. You take them both and there you have, The Grapes of Death."
The Downright Horrendous- What in the hell was with that ending? Ugh, the French !  

The Gory- Pitchforks in chests, people nailed to doors, some beheading, shootings, rotting and dripping flesh... This movie doesn't skimp on the bloody stuff. 

"I love you!"
The Naked- It's a French movie, of course there was bound to be nudity; Le boobs, and Le kitty. It was all kinda gross though...  

Best Line- Something about grapes... I can't remember.  

What did we learn?- Grapes are evil. Also, France is a creepy country to travel in.  

C This one gets a solid C, because it's solidly decent, while being nothing spectacular. If you're in the mood for some nonsensical, old school Euro-Horror, check it out... And why not have a glass of wine while you do!  

We'd never fall victim to the evil in this movie, because we have our own secret weapon against evil grapes!

 

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