Blu-ray many times, only to balk at the idea... and now I don't have to thanks to Shudder!
I'm really starting to like this little add-on channel to my Amazon Prime account.
Produced by Dario Argento, and directed by the awesome Michele Soavi, The Church isn't quite the homerun I was expecting, but it's still a neat little piece of Italian Horror history.
Asia Argento, which just seemed wrong to us. Once everyone is dead, they throw the bodies into a mass grave and erect a massive Gothic Cathedral on top of them, because that's really how anything is built; on the bodies of the poor and helpless.
|YEAH, THIS IS GONNA HURT.|
|WTF IS THIS GUY'S PROBLEM?|
As it stands though, The Church is a decent little flick that gave us the unmistakable feel of 80's Italian Horror: you know, creepy visuals, great score, silly characters that say even sillier lines, and tons of shit that doesn't make sense but feels right anyhow. It also gives us a young Asia Argento in what might be a lead role, but just when I thought the movie was going to focus on her character, it switched gears, and her story kinda becomes secondary... until the end when it's kind of all about her again.
Seriously, what is it with old Italian Horror flicks and their lack of focus and coherence?
|I KNOW. WE DON'T GET IT EITHER.|
|SHE SHOULD HAVE CLAWED HERSELF TO DEATH IN ONE CONTINUOUS 5-MINUTE-LONG SHOT.|
Why did they build a Church on the mass grave of so many people? And why in the world would the spirits of those slaughtered innocents decide that killing a chucrh full of innocent people (we're talking old folks and kids here) was somehow justified? Are you saying that if you die unjustly, that your spirit become evil in the afterlife?
|"OH, INNOCENT PEOPLE MUST BE BURIED HERE!"|
|ORGY OF THE DAMNED.|
|PUT THE BOOK DOWN AND GET NAUGHTY!|
Still, watching it for free via Shudder is nothing we regret.
The Church is streaming now on Shudder.
Asia Argento grew up to be a sassy little mynx! Check out our little tribute to her HERE.