VOD Review: Bornless Ones (2017)

"I'm still not sure what bornless means."

I always love it when we get a new screener sent our way, especially when it's ahead of the movie's proper release. It makes us feel like we're getting a sneak peek of something super secret, even if there are some other folks out there getting that same sneak peek.

It's just fun.

I've resolved this year to do my personal best to review every movie that is sent to us in screener form. That's probably going to be a tall order, because there are always screeners, but I'm going to try my damnedest.

The first screener that I cracked open and gave a spin in this new year is Bornless Ones. My first question was why is it not "The" Bornless Ones? It just rolls off the tongue easier. I'm weird like that.

Title choices aside, Bornless Ones is a pretty good B-grade effort that had its issues, but managed to be creative enough to entertain us at the same time.

Emily and Jesse have just bought a house in the woods so that they can be close to Emily's palsy-stricken brother, Zach, who will soon be going to live in a long-term care facility nearby. Along with two close friends, the group heads to the new home to, I don't know, have a goodbye party for Zach? Sure, the house is all boarded up from the inside, and there are odd runes carved into those boards, but that's just how country folk live, so it raises no alarms.

THIS SCENE IS ALL ABOUT TANK TOPS, AND HOW TO WEAR THEM PROPERLY.

What does raise an alarm however, is all of the witchy stuff in the basement, including a massive, satanic-looking mural on the wall, and notes from the previous owner detailing demonic possession, and basically letting whomever is reading them now know that "they're coming" and everyone is screwed. Who are "they" you ask? Bornless Ones, minus the the.

THAT'S ONE OF THEM, RIGHT THERE.

When Zach suddenly begins to walk and talk on his own, everyone is shocked, and Emily is thrilled to have her brother back in good health... until they learn that his miraculous healing comes courtesy of the aforementioned Bornless Ones; a gang of mischievous Demons who will heal someone of their afflictions, only to possess them, and use them to "play" Demon games, like Candyland or Uno, only with more blood.

Evil Dead-like chaos ensues.

OH, SHE WANTS TO PLAY A GAME ALRIGHT...

Yes, Bornless Ones treads the more-than-familiar grounds of the "cabin in the woods" setting in shameless fashion, but it does so in its own way. Early on, there's a scene where our group stops to get some gas where they encounter a weird local, and unlike every other backwoods flick that has that same exact scene in it, no one insulted the local, acted like an asshole, or did something completely ignorant to help seal their fate. It sounds like a little thing, but for us it's a good example of how good mechanics can make even the most familiar of setups play in a good way.

This is a bloody movie, with plenty of inventive gore gags throughout that worked well, a few of which actually impressed the hell out of us. What the possessed Woodrow does to himself was creative as hell, and we loved it. The movie is definitely a visceral treat.

The cast did an admirable job, especially considering how inexperienced some of them are. Aside from appearing in the TV series The Newsroom, this is Margaret Judson's first movie, and she had to carry the thing on her shoulders as the lead. She hit a few rough patches in quieter scenes early on, but she rebounded and did some good work by the end. Same goes for the gorgeous Bobby T; she was a spokesmodel on the TV show Deal or No Deal, and this was her first true acting job, which she nailed quite well. For us, Mark Furze was the strongest acting talent on display here. We caught him a while back playing the jerk in Tell Me How I Die (that review is almost ready to roll), and his turn here makes it two movies in a row where he did solid work.

I do have to admit that the demon voices could have been a bit more creepy, and less goofy, and the way that the actors play possessed wasn't as menacing as it could have been a times. This movie has definite shades of Evil Dead on display, but they never quite work as well as they did in the Raimi classic.

THAT ANGELIC FACE IS ABOUT TO GET BLOODY.

This movie goes for the gore, and does not hold back at all. The knitting needle in the eye bit, which made us cringe will all of our might, was our fave, although the guy using a drill to reattach his broken jaw was pretty impressive too.

Lots of great gore gags in this one.

SEE, IT'S ALL BLOODY NOW.

The gorgeous, Irish-born Bobby T bares it all in this one, and kudos to the filmmakers for not only letting that scene take it's time and breathe, but for making the nudity something more than just "Hey! Here are some titties!"

She looked GOOD.

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD...

"Fuck you, bubbles!"
"I wasn't talking about the baby."

HEY, YOUR EYES ARE UP THERE!

Bornless Ones isn't a perfect movie, but it sure enough is an inventive and enjoyable one.You can tell that the filmmakers and cast went all in on this one, and for us, that makes forgiving the film its flaws way easier.

Check it out when it hits VOD.

B-

Bornless Ones hits VOD and limited theaters on February 10th.

Margaret Judson is hot, Bobby T is crazy hot, and then there's Pony Wave, the tatted goddess at the bottom... Mr. and Mrs. Wave must have mad cool to name their daughter Pony.