The Call (2013)

Remember when Halle Berry was one of the biggest stars in the world? She won an Academy Award for Monster's Ball, she got naked in Swordfish, she was Storm in the X-Men movies, she got naked in Swordfish... the girl was a hot property there for a while.

Since the last X-Men movie though, the burning star of her fame has cooled down a bit. She's starred in some alright movies in the past few years, but for the most part you don't see her all over the place that much anymore. I know that stardom is cyclical and all, but we always just figured that she'd stick, more so than a lot of her peers would, anyhow.

We put off seeing The Call when it first came out, partly because we were all like "what has Halle Berry gone and gotten herself into now, " but mostly because we figured that it would be some average, predictable, "safe" Thriller, which it really is...

There was one thing never counted on though; we never counted on actually liking it! Woo! *I have no idea, so don't ask.

Halle Berry is a seasoned LAPD 9-1-1 Operator who takes her job in stride, because she's really good at it. One night, she gets a call from a terrified young girl named Leah; there's a man breaking into her house, and she needs help! Halle calms Leah down and tells her to hide and be quiet, which she does, and the intruder eventually begins to leave the house... and then the phone goes dead. Being the asshole that she is, Halle Berry calls Leah back, which gives away her location to the creeper, who comes back and grabs the poor girl, and thanks Halle Berry for the ho.

The aftermath of Halle Berry's massive failing.

(Six Months Later) Distraught and unable to ever take a 9-1-1 call again, Halle Berry decides to start teaching new Operators the ropes, because who better to teach the uninitiated how to save lives, than someone who got a teenage girl killed due to her incompetence? While training her group of rookies, a call comes in from another young girl (Casey), who has been jammed into a trunk by some creeper. Naturally, Halle Berry jumps into action and takes The Call (because only she can handle it, of course.)

"Don't be scared, I've done this before, to mixed results..."

Try as she might, Halle Berry can only help so much. When the creeper discovers Casey's phone, he says "Thanks for the ho!" again, which makes Halle realize that it's the same guy that thanked her before for Leah, right before he killed her! OMG! Halle Berry isn't about to let that creepy bastard get over on her again though, oh hell no. She's gonna save this girl, and somehow get her street cred back!

Implausible, contrived shenanigans ensue.

Ain't nobody got time for that.

This movie is obviously aimed at young girls, and the easily frightened. Don't get me wrong; it's a solid enough little flick, I'm just saying that we have two little Nieces that played this movie on a loop because "OMG it was soooo scary!"

The easiest way to describe what you get with The Call is to basically compare it to an episode of a TV Show like, let's say, Criminal Minds; it's safe, it follows formula, and it's enjoyable enough to watch, but in the end, it's pretty much just like any other episode of Criminal Minds that you've ever seen; it's enjoyable, but very familiar. And safe.

The main reason that the movie works is that the characters are likable. Sure, they do some stupid and inane things, but we just can't help but pull for Halle Berry and Abigail Breslin despite it all. Speaking of them, they both do a pretty good job in this movie, as does Michael Eklund, who plays the creeper.

Maybe don't hang around at the mall and you wouldn't be kidnapped!

Why would you call back? A creepy fucker has broken into a house and is trying his damnedest to get his hands on the young girl who lives there, and you call back? She hid, stayed still and didn't make a sound, just like you told her to.. .she did her part, and you call her back, basically handing her to her would-be killer? That's some weak shit right there.

For the most part, this movie feels as if it's a PG-13 affair, but there's actually a lot of disturbing and violent content to be found here despite that fact; scalps, scalping, people being beaten to death and burned alive, a blood-covered bedroom... It's "Hollywood bloody" though, so it's nothing that ever gets too crazy.

He was right, we don't wanna see that.

Abigail Breslin spends a good part of the third reel all covered in sweat and running around in a bra. Since she's frigging 12-years-old, it's not really rewarding to our inner pervs at all, though. Alright, she's really 17, but still. Who do you think we are, Kip Winger? *If you understand that Kip Winger reference, you're our new best friend.

Don't give us that look... you're frigging 12 Years Old!

"You're not gonna wanna see that!" Indeed.

The Call may be pedestrian, and it may not offer you anything that you haven't seen before, but it still managed to be a decent movie to waste 90 minutes on. It's definitely worth a look-see on Netflix if you've got it, so give it a go and enjoy your Halle Berry fix.

B-

I don't know what's gotten into Abigail Breslin lately, posing for these scandalous pictures and all. All I know is, is that if she's not careful, she'll end up just like Halle Berry! Um... successful, famous, and award winning? Never mind.