DVD review: Summer's Blood (2009)

"Alice Cullen is starring in her own little Horror movie. It's a little bit better than Twilight at least..."

Sub-Genre- Torture Porn   
Cast Members of Note- Ashley Greene and Stephen McHattie.

Ashley Greene is a little whore, hitchhiking through Asscrack, Nowhere on a quest to find her long lost Father. She's picked up by a guy named Tom Rape, who coincidentally tries to mouth rape her, and she ends up almost shooting his peen off. What kind of girl carries a gun in their purse? The same kind that won't give random road head to someone who was nice enough to offer them a ride... a prude, that's who!

The dangers of road head.

As she travels in search of her long lost Daddy, she does some shoplifting, smokes weed, drinks, goes home with a local rube whom she meets in a skanky bar, and begs him to take her upstairs and fuck her. I told you she was a whore. Meanwhile, the random guy's Mom licks the door in twisted longing while her son scrumps the drifter trollop. Nice family. 

Not just a bar whore, but a traveling bar whore.

Before long, Ashely Greene's whoring lands her in a whole heap of serial-killer-family trouble, and she finds herself being held prisoner in an odd sex garden in the basement. When Dad calls, announcing that he's coming home, the fit really hits the shan; because Dad is one sick twist. He's also very charismatic and believes in the bond of family over anything else. That's kind of refreshing in this day and age. 

What a charmer.

Will Ashley Greene ever escape the sex garden? Will she ever find her long lost Dad? Will the big "twist" in this movie work out exactly like you thought it would about 10 minutes in? Yep, yep, and well of course it will. 

The end... or is it just the beginning? Dun, dun, dun!!!!

 

Stephen McHattie's performance as a Serial Killing Dad was the highlight of this one, and without it, I may have forgotten this movie about three seconds after watching it. There's just something about the guy that makes you love watching him, much like say a Bill Moseley, and I really hope he keeps working in Genre pictures for a long time. 

The movie itself was harmless enough, but just wasn't all that gripping or original. I've seen this movie dozens of times before, and aside from McHattie's performance, it's been done better every single time. That's not to say that some people might not find it fun or enjoyable, I'm just saying that it will give most Horror fans an underwhelming feeling of Deja Vu.

Now you're fucked, honey. Happy?

Whereas Stephen McHattie is a great actor, Ashley Greene is really not. Maybe I'm still so in shock that the other kid from Twilight did a bang up job in Dread, that I expected Ms.Greene to blow me away too, but alas, I was not blown. Heh. I see what I did there.

Why no nakie? In a movie filled with all kinds of hookers and bar whores, why we no get no nakie, nakie?!? 

Next time, be nakie.

 

Dead hookers, gun violence, patricide, torture, creepy rape-like sex, blood covered chicks... this one has its fair share of blood and gore.

She still looks pretty hot...

We get some sexual scenes and situations, but not the full on nudity that we deserve. For shame.

"I swear, sometimes I wonder how I gave birth to a child this fucking stupid. "  

Ashley Greene isn't into road head. Also, Stephen McHattie needs to be in more movies, as he clearly kicks all sorts of ass.

What, no cheer?

This was an average Horror movie in many ways, which had a few good moments and a great performance by Stephen McHattie. Ashley Greene was way better in the Twilight movies (God, I just said that) than she is here; she just doesn't have the chops to carry her own movie, let alone a Horror movie where I'm supposed to feel for her. This one is rather bland and may be worthy of a rental, at the most.

C-

Summer's Blood is available now on DVD and VOD.

 

She is so shy! (and by shy, I mean slutty.)