Quick Review: Deadline (2009)

Brittany Murphy and Thora Birch are both capable of much better. This isn't a horribly made or acted movie, but it commits the worst sin that a Horror movie can ever commit; it's boring. Truth be told, it's more like a Lifetime movie of the week than anything else. Nothing happens, there's no payoff, no tension, the plot is jumbled and clumsy... hell, we don't even get any gratuitous sex or nudity from either of the lead chicks, and that's a sin in and of itself.

Alice, 32, a writer recovering from a psychological breakdown retreats to a remote Victorian house to convalesce and focus on finishing her screenplay in time for a fast approaching deadline. Shortly after her arrival, mysterious noises and strange happenings cause her imagination to run wild, sending her on a twisting and terrifying pursuit to find out what is behind the endless mind games. Frightened but intrigued, Alice gathers the courage to go down into the cold, dingy attic where she finds a shoe box filled with mini-dv tapes. The terrifying secret that lies within the tapes will unravel Alice's dark past.

Keep looking, there's no excitement to be found here.

Ooh, terrifying! Who writes this shit? Does Hollywood have a generic script mill, that employs uninspired, poorly-skilled writers that just churn out bland scripts on demand? Maybe they get paid by the script, and they have families to feed... If that's the case, I say let their families starve, because they don't deserve to eat if this is the price that we must pay. Movies like this are a perfect example as to why so many movies get made and then get buried, doomed to sit on a shelf and rot, never to see release. Someone Studio Exec. screened this, said "we spent how much on this?," and then promptly ordered it into distribution limbo. Good choice, now kill the person who green-lit the damned thing and all is right with the universe... until the next shit movie gets the go-ahead, that is.

Boo.

At least this movie offers us a couple of true Hotties to ogle, and good Lord, is Thora Birch ever sexy.

*Addendum: R.I.P. Brittany Murphy, who was every bit as beautiful in life too.