VOD Review: The Abandoned (2016)

"Not a bad movie at all... until the ending arrived, slapped us in the face, and said "Ha ha, just kidding!"

What's not to like about a good Haunted House flick? A small group of people, alone in some sort of a remote or isolated locale, walking its shadowy hallways while being menaced by some pissed off ghosts?

That's the good stuff.

This movie is almost that, and in fact, it's exactly that for its first two acts. Then the final act arrives and it tries to explain what's going on, and ends with the worst kind cop-out that a movie could end with... which we are going to fully spoil below, so beware.

It's such a shame when that happens.

BEWARE: ENDING SPOILERS LIE BEYOND THIS POINT!

Streak, which might be the dumbest nickname for a girl that we've ever heard, has just taken a job as a third shift security guard at an abandoned upscale apartment building. She's on meds, and is at risk of losing her daughter, so she really has to play this one smart in order to get her life back on track... which is why she doesn't play it smart at all.

STREAK? REALLY?

Streak is partnered with an older, bitter guy in a wheelchair named Cooper, who doesn't have any patience dealing with new hires. They never last, after all, and so why get attached to them, only to have them quit a week later. When Streak begins breaking the rules (letting homeless people into the building, breaking into padlocked sections of the building) and telling copper that she's able to sense the presence of ghosts, he likes her even less.

"WILL YOU PLEASE TAKE YOUR CRAZY PILLS!"

Of course Streak's idiotic behavior gets both of them into all kinds of trouble, which leaves people dead, and a bunch of ghost kids roaming the halls of the old building, looking for vengeance. Or maybe it's all just an elaborate ruse. Meh.

WTF IS THAT?!?

The Abandoned is a competently shot movie that offers a decent amount of creepy moments, at least throughout the first two acts. Not only is the abandoned apartment building in which the movie is set a gorgeous location, but its twisting corridors and shadowy rooms make for the perfect setting for Supernatural shenanigans.

Jason Patric brings a level of legitimacy to this movie that it probably doesn't deserve, as without him, it would be just another run-of-the-mill Supernatural Horror flick with a shit ending. He was great though, and his co-star, Louisa Krause, wasn't bad either. She played crazy very well.

HE DOES KNOW THAT NO ONE ELSE IS AT THAT MEETING, RIGHT?

The biggest problem this movie faces is the ending, and what it meant for the entire narrative that came before it. When a movie like this, that bills itself as being scary, turns into something sentimental and emotional, it just kills it for us. What kills it even more is when that same movie ends in a way that negates everything else that happened throughout, using the old "It was all in their head", or "iI was all a dream" swerve. That just irks the shit out of us.

We were actually kind of annoyed that someone starting a new job would so blatantly disregard the rules of that job, and let homeless people in the building, break into locked rooms because she heard something, and act a fool in general. Especially when she needs that job to get her daughter back. Then again, the ending made all of that moot, so we're kind of bitching about nothing. 

THOSE ARE REAL THOUGH.

I guess the worst part of a twist ending like that is that we we went into this movie prepared for chills and thrills, and instead what we got in the end was a distraught Dad sitting by the bedside of his comatose daughter, whose mind the entire movie just took place in. If I want some somber shit like that, I'll turn on the Lifetime Channel. Please keep it out of my Horror flicks.

"I WHIP MY HAIR BACK AND FORTH, I WHIP MY HAIR BACK AND FORTH..."

Jason Patric is still awesome. Also, cop-out endings that negate everything that came before them really, really suck.

OH, THAT'S NEVER GOOD.

The Abandoned had a lot going for it, and if it hadn't have been for its "Oh come on!" type of ending, we probably would have enjoyed it more. We rate this one a C, because Jason Patric made it watchable for us, and because the things that it did manage to get right, worked fairly well for us.

It's probably worth a rent for most fans of Haunted House flicks, especially if they don't mind an ending that negates any and everything scary about the plot.

C

The Abandoned is available now on VOD.

We'd never abandon Louisa Krause.