Theatrical Review: Maggie (2015)

(aka Where's the Kleenex?)
Release Date: May 8th.
Country: USA.
Rating: PG-13.
Written by: Henry Hobson. 
Directed by: John Scott III.
Starring: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Abigail Breslin, and Joely Richardson.

After seeing Maggie on Friday night, I came home to write up the review... and couldn't do it. Maggie had drained me of my energy, and no matter how hard I tried, the words just weren't coming. In that way, creativity sucks; when it's working, it flows like a waterfall, but when it isn't, it's like looking for a drink of water in the middle of a desert. It's just not there. Especially when you've had the life sucked out of you by a heartbreaking movie like this one! I'm only human, after all! Gah!

Ahem. All of that is to say that while Maggie is a great movie, it will most likely leave you feeling drained too. So prepare yourselves.

A deadly virus sweeps across the nation, turning a portion of the population into flesh-hungry zombies (call them "Infected" if it makes you feel better, but they're basically zombies.) At least humanity is on top of the outbreak, which keeps the world from devolving into a Walking Dead-like scenario; The Government has set up Quarantine Zones to house the infected, to keep them from infecting others and possibly ending humanity.

SOON.

Once you're infected, you begin to "turn" slowly; you lose your appetite, your eyes turn milky white, and you start to smell people, which effectively means that you're hungry again... only this time, you're hungry for Human flesh. So once you get close to the point of turning, local authorities come and take you away, and that's pretty much it. No one ever sees you again. It's a lot like extraordinary rendition.

YEP, SHE'S READY TO GO.

After becoming infected, 16-year-old Maggie runs off to the city, asking her Father not to come looking for her. She just wants to keep her family safe from what she knows she'll become. Her Father, Wade, can't just give up on his baby girl though, no matter how bad he knows that things are going to get. He goes looking for her, finds her at a hospital, and then essentially takes her home to die. If she's going to die, she's going to die at home, not in some inhumane quarantine zone.

Heartbreak ensues.

NO! ARNOLD DOES NOT CRY!

If you go into this one thinking that it's going to be any sort of normal Infected/Zombie movie, or that you're going to see Arnold dispatch hordes of the undead with his brawn, and cracking wise while he does so, then you're going to be disappointed. Maggie is basically the story of a father coming to terms with the fact that his daughter is dying, and of a young girl trying to come to terms with the fact that her life is ending horribly, and way too soon.

This isn't a movie of plot twists, and its not one of big action scenes. This is a movie about loss, and letting go. It's a drama, surrounded by some Horror elements, the most horrific of which ends up being heartbreak. This is the type of movie where you have a box of Kleenex handy, because if you're at all emotional, you're going to need them. More than likely, you'll need them a few times.

YEAH, HE KILLS HER IN THE MOVIE.

Maggie is quiet and haunting, and even a bit depressing. From the fantastic (and crazy effective) score, to the beautiful cinematography, there's a somber tone about this movie that makes it feel weighty, in a very real way. Some will call it a slow burn, which is fair, because the story unfolds slowly, and it's not ever in a rush to get anywhere... but you basically know where it's going to end, so really, Maggie is far more about the journey than it is the destination. There will also be people who say that nothing happens in this movie, to which I say, bullshit. Than again, anyone who says something like that probably has the attention span of a gnat to begin with, so that's their problem to navigate, not ours.

The real revelation here though, is Arnold Schwarzenegger. Everybody knows him, and everybody loves at least one or two of his movies, as he's one of the biggest action stars that has ever been, or ever will be. Here though, he goes to a place that I honestly can't recall him ever having gone to before; Arnold is humble in this one. Fragile. Broken. The guy made us feel things that we weren't expecting to feel, and the fact that he's an icon of Alpha Male toughness probably made it that much more impactful. We honestly never imagined him giving a performance like this, but we're endlessly glad that he did.

Abigail Breslin is great in this one too, but that's pretty much par for the course for her. She gets better with every new role she takes, and it's nice to see her go from being a cute kid star, to being a solid adult actress.

THIS PICTURE IS AN EXCELLENT METAPHOR FOR THE ENTIRE MOVIE.

I'm not sure how many theaters Maggie opened in, but it deserved a wider release. It's only playing at one theater near us, where It Follows was in at least six... and Maggie is every bit as good as It Follows was, albeit in a completely different way. Add to that the star power of names like Schwarzenegger and  Abigail Breslin (she has a solid fanbase herself), and you''d think that this movie would have at least warranted a Wide Release, even if it was only a smaller one.

WASN'T HE SUPPOSED TO LOCK HER IN HER ROOM?

This may be the most depressing movie that we've seen all year, and maybe even last year too.

THAT WAS PRETTY MUCH US AFTER THE MOVIE.

Some rotting flesh, a chopped off finger, a dead fox, and some blood laying around here and there, but this one is fairly light on the gore for the most part.

SO SHE'S A MESSY EATER, STOP STARING AT HER!

It's not that kind of movie.

Love might not conquer all, but it certainly does make everything better. At least for a while, it does.

YOU REALLY SHOULD JUST SNAP HER NECK BEFORE SHE EATS YOU.

Maggie is a very surprising film. It's got some interesting Horror elements about it, and even a touch of Post Apocalyptic mayhem thrown in for good measure, but at it's heart, this is a love story between a father and his daughter. Whatever you want to classify it as, it's effective and heartfelt, and it made an actor who has been doing his thing for nearly 40 years, feel like a complete revelation.

So is Maggie an A- or a B+? Both grades feel right to us, and we can't decide between them. In the end though, what really matters is that this is a great movie that begs to be seen, and you should see it.

Bring the Kleenex though. We weren't kidding about that part.

Maggie is available in Limited Theatrical release, and on VOD, now.

Little Miss Sunshine is all grown up. Good for her.