Do you like Gossip Girl? Do you love anyone who was in Twilight, and have you vowed to see whatever they show up in, just because Twilight was so
Well then, this is the movie for you?
To put it simply, The Apparition is a really bad movie that Warner Bros. made to cash in on Ashley Greene's Twilight fame. Add Draco Malfoy to the mix, and that makes it even better, right? In the end, even the WB knew this was an embarrassment, but released it in Theaters anyhow. Now it's on BD/DVD.
You should run.
The Apparition starts off with a bunch of nerds in 1963 conducting the poorest named experiment of all time; The Charles Experiment. Seriously, what is that dull and clunky name supposed to inspire? The experiment involves said nerds standing around and staring at a picture of some dead guy named Charles, which they think will summon his spirit amongst them. Riveting stuff.
Flash-forward to what I'm guessing is now, and four College Students are trying to recapture the creepy un-magic of The Charles Experiment. Using modern technology, they are able to magnify their staring power 400 fold, which again is supposed to summon the spirit of this Charles guy. Something eventually shows up, and sucks the best part of the movie (and her magnificent rack) into the wall. Still riveting stuff.
|Draco Malfoy is staring at the haunted rack of Julianna Guill.|
|Ah, another Twilight star who does the bewildered look perfectly.|
|Yeah, the sheet was haunted too.|
Ashley Greene is pretty hot.
Julianna Guill and her world-class boobs are in this, although for far too short a time.
|Tom Felton was pretty good in this one too, because he's actually a good actor.|
The Apparition is nowhere near the worst movie ever made, but it's safe to say that it's one of the worst movies of this year. It's a PG-13 snooze-fest that offers no characterization, stale plot development, and worst of all, no scares. It's slow, plodding, poorly conceived and executed, and it sucks. It really doesn't do much of anything. It's just kind of there. Screw this movie, I hate it!
|More intense bewilderment.|
Convinced that your house is haunted, even though not much has actually happened to warrant that hypothesis? Pitch a tent in the back yard, because that's far enough away from the haunting to keep you safe. And am I crazy, or did the angry apparition pick up a security camera and film Ashley Greene sleeping, all Found-Footage style? Really?
And what was with the "Once you believe, you die!" tag-line that had barely anything to do with the movie? Is that why the dog walked into the moldy laundry room, laid down on the floor and died? Because it believed? REALLY?!?
And what was with that horrible and anticlimactic ending? How much did Costco pay to have Ashley Greene wander into one of their stores, go into a display tent, zip it up and let the apparition hand massage her scalp, signifying the end of the movie? A hearty middle finger to whoever wrote this garbage.
|It's all just so silly and dull, I cannot believe it was allowed to be in Theaters.|
We have HDTV's at home, Hollywood. Nice ones, too. There's no reason for us to waste the time, money and effort it takes to go to the Theater for this kind of movie.
We have spoken, and our collective voices are telling you that we'd rather hang on to our money.
Ashley Greene and Julianna Guill; and I'm talking their hotness here, not their brave and inspiring performances.