Quick Review: Bait 3D (2012)

Ever since we saw a little movie called Burning Bright, I've enjoyed the look on people's faces when I've tried to explain its premise to them: "A girl and her Autistic little brother are trapped in a house with a pissed-off Tiger during a Hurricane." When I tell them it was a really good flick, they always look at me like I'm a bit off (even more so than normal.)

The premise of Bait 3-D feels similar to me in that same ridiculous way: "A Tsunami traps a bunch of Aussie's in a grocery store & parking garage with some pissed off Sharks."

The difference between the two movies and their crazy-sounding plots, is that Bait 3-D wasn't very good at all.

AT ALL!!!

Now, if you like your average schlocky, cheap, killer shark movie, then you may like this one. It's not any worse than Shark Night 3-D, but it's not really any better than let's say 2-Headed Shark Attack or Sand Sharks. So really, it's all about the level of pain you can endure for the sake of your entertainment.

Boom, Gill-Shot!

I personally dig bad movie pain. I'm all for some cheesy, shitty movie that makes me laugh, at it as long as it entertains me on some primal level, quality be damned. Bait 3-D wasn't very fun though, and it didn't inspire me to laugh at very much in a so-bad-it's-good type of way. There was one scene that involved a guy drowning in a cage-suit that was supposed to be touching that did make me laugh, but that was about it. Oh, and the dog getting chucked into the water (as bait) was funny too, but that was it. The rest was just blah.

Cage-suit guy was doomed from the get go.

The SFX were halfway passable at times, and cheesy bad at others. In the opening scene in the movie, we see the shark do a Sharktopus-like jump out of the water, and it looked no better than the SFX that Syfy uses on their movie of the week. I'm not sure where the $20 million (Australian) budget went, but it must have been to the actors.

Yes, us too.

Ah, the actors. I'm going to go ahead and guess, because I have no idea whatsoever, that most of the people who showed up in this movie are Aussie TV stars... of the weekly Soap Opera variety. Maybe they're good in their other roles, and maybe those roles are better written and plotted out with better care than the ones in this movie are, but the pretty people in this one didn't bring much to the table.

Never watch the dailies while you're shooting a bad movie!

Keep it. We've got enough shitty shark movies floating around here to tide us over until next Saturday when Syfy will premiere their brand new shitty shark movie. It's pretty much a regular thing with them. Bait 3D isn't the worst B-Movie we've seen, but it certainly wasn't good enough for us to find enjoyable. Some will love its cheesy goodness, but having seen it, we wished we had just taken a pass on the whole thing.

Oi, Oi, Oi! indeed. Especially Pheobe Tonkin. Good Lord we need more of her ________ (insert something clever about her "Down Under" here.)