Review: Mutants (2009)

"Pretty tasty, but not very filling in the end..."

Sub-Genre- Viral/Zombie/Post Apocalyptic Directed by David Morlet.
Cast Members of Note- Helene de Fougerolles, Francis Renaud, and a bunch of crazed, French mutants.

Believe it or not, this is a movie about relationships. Sure, the main relationship in question is between a woman and her infected, soon-to-be zombie/mutant husband, but make no mistake... it's a love story!

Now they are a cute couple!

Sonia and Marco are a married couple trying to survive in a world filled with rampaging mutant zombies. Along with a masculine French Army chick, they drive around real fast in an ambulance, argue with each other, shoot mutants, and roll over everything in their path, not even bothering to stop for humans. In a world gone mad, I'd run 'em all down too. Truth be told, I'd run most of them down now, if it were legal...

An accurate depiction of the human race?

When Sonia moronically insists on breaking their "us against the world" rule by bringing a stray mongoloid kid along with their little group, the ensuing argument leaves everyone dead save for her; the problem is though, not only is her hubby shot up pretty bad, but he's been infected (yes, by the charity-case mongoloid), and he has about three days until he becomes a mutant. Three painful, agonizing days.

"I love you."

Holed up in a hospital, Sonia takes care of her husband and attempts to give him dignity in his last days. She hugs him, rubs him, says she loves him... even after he tries to rape/kill her in a half-mutant rage. Will they survive? Will true love prevail? Was this movie one of Oprah's book's of the month? I think it was actually, and I usually hate any book that Oprah recommends.

This is what doing the "right thing" gets you.

 

Oddly enough, Mutants plays as much like a romance as it does a Horror movie in some aspects, and it at least adds an interesting angle to the tired "infected" sub-genre. I know I tease about how it's a love story, and it's really not chick-flicky, but there is definitely a vein of relationship drama throughout.

The mutants themselves were pretty neat; all creepy looking and blood-hungry. Overall it was a pretty decent flick, though for some reason I was expecting more from it in the way of horrific set pieces and tension. It looks gorgeous too, set in a remote and snowy location, which I am a true sucker for.

Is that supposed to be a turkey?

Why is it that when finding someone in an old gas station or something, there's always one asshole in the group who says "We can't leave them behind" or "They're coming with us." Wow, that's really nice of you, but those are the kinds of decisions that leave your Army expert dead, your husband shot/infected, and you basically screwed. Leave the stragglers alone to fend for themselves. It's called natural selection.

Unless those strangers have guns, then, be very nice to them.

I'm all for love, and not abandoning the ones you love even in the worst of times, but when your spouse is slowly turning into a mutant zombie, I think it's time to sneak away and go on with your life. And no, that's not insensitive of me, so don't judge!

Especially don't judge me with a gun. Please.

Ambulance violence, tooth extraction, blood vomiting, pissing blood, multiple acts of gun violence, and all sorts of infected zombie violence. This one is pretty violent and bloody.

The FX in this one were great.

Non.

When your partner is turning into an infected zombie, you have to just walk away...

...or maybe run.

This was one of those half and half movie-going experiences for me. One one hand, the movie was gorgeous to look at, bloody, and the infected mutants were cool. On the other, the plot was lame, frustrating, and I ultimately just wanted to see everyone die, because that's all the movie really had to offer me in the end. If you like movies like 28 Days Later, or if you love chick flicks, then you might enjoy this one as well.

C

Mutants is available now on DVD.

She looks much better with longer, blonder hair.