Review: The Crazies (2010)

"Is it a crime for me to say I liked this remake more than I did the original?"

In Attendance- Me, Machine, and Ms. Machine.
Cast Members of Note- Timothy Olyphant, Radha Mitchell, Danielle Panabaker, and Joe Anderson.

The small town of Asscrack, Iowa is turned on its ear and ravaged by a nasty little virus that turns its residents into pissed-off, zombie-like killing machines, and it's up to Sheriff Bad-Ass to save the day. He's up to it too, don't let his kind smile fool you; he will make a hand-knife and rock your world!

Oh, someone's ass is sooo getting kicked!

It's not long before the Government shows up in creepy containment suits, separating the healthy from the sick, and herding them on buses which are going to take them all to "safety." Luckily for his wife, Sheriff Bad-Ass realizes that "safety" means "we're going to kill you," and he stages a one-man-war against The Man, determined to get his wife to real safety!

"We're here to help."

Things go from bad to worse as the Sheriff and his posse of survivors try to find a tractor or something to get them out of dodge, to no avail. Who will live? Who will die? Will the Government prove to be evil and self-serving by covering their blunder up, or do the right thing and own up to their mistake and help. Ha. We all know the answer to that last one.

Let's see,who is going to live, and who is going to die...

This was one pretty entertaining remake. I thought it was darker and a bit more sinister than the 70's original, and that's a good thing. Bloody, nasty and pretty intense, The Crazies made the most of the "infected" sub-genre, and managed to make me squirm a few times. It reminded me an awful lot of 1988's The Blob, in tone and feel; small town, evil Government, a raging contagion... although the absence of Brian Flagg was more than glaring.

Timothy Olyphant is one hell of an actor. He has this likable quality about him with an underlying aura of bad-assery that is a perfect mix. Radha Mitchell is a hot little Aussie actress that is quickly becoming one of our favorite genre stars. She can also act her ass off too, and very naturally, which makes her doubly dangerous on screen.

You will always be my hero, Brian Flagg!

Stay here? A virus has driven the entire town stark-raving mad, the Government is running around killing anyone they find alive who isn't in a containment suit, the local Hillbilly Militia is doing the same thing, and you want me to stay out here in the dark while you run off to "check things out?" Go to hell. You know you're going to come back and I'll be gone. Do you want me dead? UGH!

This is what "stay here" gets you!

Again, why an otherwise good Horror movie has to use the dreaded jump scare music cue to elicit scares, is beyond me. This movie had enough tension and creepiness about it that I didn't need to be told every 5 minutes that something was scary, and especially by a suddenly loud and sharp musical cue. Maybe I bitch about it too much, but it's a cheap tactic that IS NOT necessary. Especially in a movie like this.

Nuance.

There's a fair amount of blood and violence in this one, and some of it was fairly surprising and fun. By fun I mean messy and nasty, which is what we consider fun. All I have to say is the part with the scissors in the hand may be my favorite scene so far this year. Ouch. And the guy with the pitchfork was really creepy, and really liked to use it. A lot.

Yeah, so he's obviously not here to help.

 

Nope. Not that kind of Horror flick. However, Radha Mitchell can be seen naked in a bunch of her other movies. She also seems partial to doing lesbian sex scenes on camera. That, coupled with her past genre roles, accent and hotness, makes her a legitimate Horror Hottie on the rise. Danielle Panabaker is no slouch either.

Don't drink the water. Also, whenever someone tells you "stay here," tell them to go to hell and follow them wherever they go. Splitting up is just silly.

This is what splitting up gets you. Dead.

The Crazies was a good remake that despite the issues I had with it, left me satisfied and even curious to see it again. Timothy Olyphant is way underrated as an actor, as is the hot, hot, hot Radha Mitchell, and I think they were perfectly cast in this. You won't be remiss spending your dough to see this one, unless you really don't like the whole "infected" sub-genre. Check it out either way.

B

Two Hotties in this one makes for very happy Horror fans!