June 23, 2009

Remake Heaven or Hell- The Stepfather (2009)

I'm not sure why they remake the good horror movies of yesteryear; certainly they could VASTLY improve on such shitty 80's horror flicks as Witchboard, The Stuff, or Neon Maniacs, or something along those lines. Why mess with a movie like The Stepfather, that in no way can you hope to improve on?

 First problem: You can't top Terry O'Quinn. Sorry, but he was dead solid perfect as the insane step-dad, and he creeped us all out. You can't touch O'Quinn, the guy is a fantastic actor with sick presence. The new guy (Dylan Walsh) looks like an angry computer geek. Dylan Walsh is a fine character actor, but he's no Stepfather.

John Locke wins.

Second problem: The trailer sucks. The remake looks like another PG-13, jump scared induced, lame-a-thon. The original was taut, tense, and definitely for mature audiences. Let's compare and contrast: The Original The Remake Sure, the original looks "80's cheesy", but it's a great movie. The remake looks too glossy to me. I could be wrong of course, but as of right now I'm not excited.  

Third Problem: It's a son this time instead of a daughter. Jill Schoelen was the daughter in the original, and she was adorable; she was like every guy's teen dream, and we felt her terror because she was so sweet and vulnerable. I think it's much harder to feel for a son though, as they are stronger and tend to have more fight in them. Less vulnerable. Why didn't they make Amber Heard the new daughter?

Look how vulnerable she is. And wet. Very wet.

One good thing: Amber Heard. Need I say any more? I'd like to devote a webpage to Amber Heard; clothed or naked, either'd be fine with me. Or both.

Seriously Amber, drop me an email. think of it as charity work.

One more good thing: A strong supporting cast. Fine, it looks like ass, but the movie does boast some good actors like Christopher Meloni, Sela Ward, Jon Tenney, and Sherry Stringfield. I'm not sure that they will be enough to save this movie though... Release Date: October 16th Rating: PG-13 Verdict: This could be remake hell, mainly because the original was so effective, and it looks like Disturbia. Also, I love John Locke, so good luck topping his Stepfather. We will have to wait and see, but it doesn't look good.


  1. Aww, it looks like it'll be alright. I love me a thriller flick and this one seems right up my alley. I especially liked the buzzsaw at the end.

    - Zac

  2. the link for the original trailer doesnt work
    try this one