June 28, 2009

Quick Review: Born (2007)

I should have known the minute that the title screen popped up that I was in trouble... did they use a Commodore Vic-20 for that graphic? It honestly looked like an old Myspace greeting Gif (hard G) or something.

It doesn't get much better from there, with scripting, acting, and a plot that are mostly awful. This movie may have been going for dark humor (then again it may not have, I couldn't tell) but it failed either way.

As hot as Alison Brie is, not even her nudity and faux lesbian kissing scene were enough to redeem this one.

Born had a few good points, and I use the word "good" very lightly:

  • Alison Brie's boobs were awesome, as was her pregnant tummy. She's just awesome.
  • Nudity galore. Sex galore. Even some alleyway lesbian action!
  • Plenty of gore.  

Everything Else:

  • When Kane Hodder is the best actor in the movie, run. No offense Kane, I'm a big fan, but come on.
  • Wow, is Joan Severance looking old.
  • What happened to Denise Crosby? She's a good actress, and yet winds up in this mess?
  • The acting in this movie may be the worst I've seen in a LONG time; especially the dad (grandfather?) and slutty sister. The script didn't help much either.
  • A dad checks his daughter out to make sure her hymen is still intact... with her sister holding her legs open? What?!?
  • "Pin the tail on the pussy, Grandpa!" That actually happened.

There's a joke here about carrying this movie to full term, but I digress.
Checking this one out because it stars Alison Brie before she got famous is understandable. Aside from that reason, there's no reason at all to check this movie out... unless of course you like bad movies. Then, definitely check it out.

I know that we say this sort of thing a lot around here, but Alison Brie is truly one of the sexiest women of all time. ALL.TIME!

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