VOD Review: Witching and Bitching (2014)

As filmmakers go, Alex de la Iglesia is an odd duck. His movies are usually laced with a zany humor that make his movies feel almost silly in a way, while also somehow making them feel more earnest at the same time.

Euro Comedies like this are not usually our thing. I personally can't stand farce, slapstick, or anything even remotely close in feel or aesthetic.

That being said, we were surprised to find that the silliness of Witching and Bitching actually rubbed us (and me, in particular), the right way. 

We could describe this movie as "a gang of misogynistic men (who are also bumbling criminals), run afoul of a coven of man-hating women (who just so happen to be Witches)," and that would be fairly accurate.

We should not have liked this movie at all, but we really did... maybe Carolina Bang had something to do with it?

After robbing a local Cash-for-Gold place, Jose and his gang of Spanish cronies hijack a cab, and make for France, because France obviously doesn't have extradition. Being that Jose's son is also with the criminal gang, his estranged wife loses her shit and chases after them, while two bumbling Cops -not sure if she's in on the heist or not- chase after her. Yes, it's one of those madcap misadventure types of movies, where everyone is a bumbling fool.

Jesus Christ, easy with the gun!

Through a series of misadventures, Jose and his gang end up at some old mansion which just so happens to be home to a Coven of really pissed-off Witches. They pretty much hate men, and believe that God is a woman, so they could very well be delusional lesbians too. Maybe they're just mystically-empowered Feminists? I don't know, they just really hate dudes.

They even force men to kiss each other for their amusement... how sexy sexist!

The story really kicks into high gear when sexy, sassy, Neo-Witch Eva falls in love with Jose, and becomes conflicted about killing him. Needless to say that her Witchy sisters are none too happy that she sees a man as anything more than a convenient meal, which causes all sorts of arguing and melodrama. Witches, man.

That's the look, that's the look, the look of love.

Can Jose and his pals to escape the evil clutches of the Coven? Can Eva and Jose ever hope to be truly happy together? Will "The Great Mother" show up and force us to gag up the pizza that we ate for dinner a few hours ago? Far be it from us to spoil anything for you here, but the movie ends with Jose's son sawing a little girl in half, so it doesn't sound very promising as far as happy endings go, now does it?

"Hey dad, it's me. Please send help, these Witches be trippin'!"

Love it ro hate it, no one can ever say that Witching and Bitching wasn't fresh and original.

This movie is a fun, funny take on Witches, as only Alex de la Iglesia can deliver. Iglesia has a way of making movies that is hard to describe; hisflicks are full of Horror and Drama elements, but at their heart, they're really Dark Comedies. His work is reminiscent of early Peter Jackson flicks like Dead Alive or Bad Taste, but with better production value and polish.

Here, Iglesia makes both men and women "bad guys" in their own way, and has them face off in a sort of silly battle of the sexes. Of course this battle of the sexes involves cannibalistic Witches who do creepy things with frog's blood, but still, it's like a statement or something, right?

Wicked.

The real star of this movie is Carolina Bang. Not only is she sinfully sexy, but also she plays evil and pissed-off really well. The movie just kind of plods along until she first appears on screen, which is to say that she definitely brings a fiendish energy to the story, which makes it instantly better. Yes, folks, we're saying that she's electric. Just watch the movie and you'll agree with us.

Macarena Gomez is also electric in her own way, although her character is more of a foil in this one. Still, she brings a fun energy to her scenes, whcih definitely maker and them stand out.

You gotta love Macarena Gomez.

We aren't the biggest fans of screwball comedy, and so there were a few parts in this one that made us cringe. That's just us though, and it doesn't necessarily mean that those parts were truly "bad" or anything. But we cringed, none the less.

I'll never understand why Europeans love bidets so much.

What in the blue hell was that.. thing, towards the end?!? We really can't go into detail without spoiling it for you, but lets just say that you should pay close attention when "The Great Mother" shows up... and then gape in horrified amazement for every single second that she's on screen.

No joke, we're still feeling really disturbed over the whole thing.

That was our EXACT reaction.

There's plenty of blood and gore to go around in this one, although most of the gore gags are played for fun rather than shock.

Oh sure, use metal teeth to bite through someone's arm, cheater!

Carolina Bang lubes herself up with frog's blood, jerks off a broom, and then rides it like a personal massager. Aside from that pervy bit of fun, there's no nudity in this one. Lots of cleavage though.

Wait... there actually was some nudity in this one, but it was done via CGI, and it was profoundly disturbing, so it does not count. Excuse us while we go shiver now...

 

Spanish humor is a wacky, zany, madcap thing. Also, Carolina Bang is most definitely "last name"able.

Sorry Ms. Bang, but we had to go there...

If you like your Horror laced with liberal amounts of unapologetic wacky comedy, then this movie may well end up on your Best of 2014 list. Witching and Bitching really is more of a Comedy than it is a Horror flick, which makes the Horror of it all feel far more fun than terrifying. Still, it's a good time as long as you know what to expect going in.

C+

Witching and Bitching is available now on VOD.

The definition of irony is when a girl this smoking hot has the last name of Bang. We bet that Carolina Bang took a lot of shit in High School over that absolutely fitting name. Poor girl.