Hidden in the Woods (2013)

For us to enjoy an Exploitation flick, it has to have at least some semblance of a plot going on in-between all of the the rape and over the top violence that we already know we're in for. It has to have characters that we empathize with and fear for, and most importantly, cheer on, when it comes to getting their revenge and /or escaping.

The average Exploitation flick has to be entertaining, and not just an all out assault on our senses.

What we have here is a movie that bombards us with horrific act after horrific act, and then gives us some even more horrific acts followed by some even more horrific acts than those... sounds like a perfect Horror flick, right?

Well, no.

Hidden in the Woods left us cold, not because it was so violent and depraved, but because it felt like director Patricio Valladares packed this movie with as much nasty, crazy shit as he could, all for the sake of shocking film-goers.

Of course, we could be wrong. We could have missed the point of the whole thing, but I'm pretty sure we didn't.

Felipe lives in the woods with his wife and two young daughters, Ana and Anny. He's in the drug trade, managing the stash of local drug lord Uncle Costello, and by all accounts, he does a great job of it. One day, he loses his shit and beats his whore wife to death (for being a whore) right in front of his daughters, which terrifies them. In a effort to comfort his dear children, he rapes Ana, because that's what comforts 10 year old girls in Chile.

Felipe goes on raping and abusing his daughters for years until one of them ends up pregnant. The incest-baby, Manuel, starts life by being shot out of the womb into a bucket, which bodes well for his future. The family decides to keep him in an old piss-shack outside, and feed him raw meat, because he's a feral mongoloid that brings shame upon his family.

Yep, they sure do show that.

When the Policia eventually show up to arrest Felipe for his abusive ways (not sure how they knew about it, or why it took them so many years to do something about it), they end up getting themselves killed because they suck at being Policia. Honestly, they're so inept that they deserved the awful, chainsaw-filled deaths that they got.

Felipe goes on the run, but eventually ends up in jail, which you'd think would be good news for his kids, because he's a shitty parent. Uncle Costello puts a kibosh on the fun though when he sends a bunch of his goons to Felipe's house to get his drugs, and the kids have to flee deep into the woods to avoid being raped, beaten and murdered by them.

While shacked up at some secret cabin in the woods, Ana turns to hooking to provide for her siblings. This is awesome because we get to see a little montage of her going down on a bunch of creepy, skanky men in various locales, and spitting out their... "finish", each time that she does. This, I believe, was the humorous part of the movie. 

While she's out blowing for dollars, Anny is at home in their secret cabin, giving herself a nice sponge bath in front of a big window. Of course two random backpackers happen along, see this going down, and decide "hey, lets rape her." Ana returns home to find her sister naked and covered in blood, and basically eating her attackers...

I think you get the point by now.

You don't bathe naked in front of a window in Chile! What's wrong with you!?!

For us, this movie fails because it seems to exist only to show various acts of rape and extreme violence, while offering little else in the way of story, character, or even sense. There is definitely a portion of Horror Fandom that loves that kind of thing, we're just not amongst that group.

Had the script made more sense and not felt so absurd, we might have bought into the movie as a whole. Unfortunately for us though, the characters were weak and one dimensional, their actions made little sense, and they seemed to exist only to hurt, or be hurt. Every man in this movie is a rapist. They may also be criminals, thugs or all around abusers, but they are all of them rapists. The women of the movie, in turn, existed only to be targets for the men's twisted sexual desires.

There was nothing in this movie for us to cling to as the tsunami of violence and depravity swept over us, and that is the problem. Without balance, a movie like this is hard pressed to work on any level other than shock value.

I don't even know what the deal was with this kid.

We truly hope that Michael Biehn's remake of this movie delivers where the original didn't. With an actual story amidst the visceral horrors of Hidden in the Woods, it could actually work. This versions, at least for us, does not work at all. If you care nothing for plot or common sense, and just need a heaping fix of violence and depravity, then you'll like this movie. Everyone else would do well to skip it and see how the American remake goes.