Let's just be honest about it; i you want a good killer fish movie, stick with the Piranha remake; at least it was bloody, sleazy, goofy fun, and delivered exactly what it needed to. Shark Night 3D was a PG-13 bore that was light on gore and flesh, and didn't deliver much of anything.
Forget the fact that the plot is ridiculous, which it is: a bunch of rubes dump some sharks into a Louisiana lake and attach cameras to their heads, so that they can sell the footage to reality television, and become rich. Yeah. We could forget a sorry plot like that, if the movie gave us some good shark violence and some tittahs... but alas, it didn't.
Katherine McPhee's massive sweater sharks are just begging to be unleashed, and Sara Paxton... well she's just a hottie in any form of undress. They couldn't have gone the gratuitous route of Piranha and showed some skin? Young Hollywood prudes baffle me. It took Meg Ryan until she was what, like 40 until she finally got naked? By that time, nobody cared. She should have dropped trau in When Harry Met Sally. Although that would have meant seeing Billy Crystal naked too, so maybe not. You get the point though.
And the sharks... they were rather elusive for the most part, and what we do see of them was unimpressive. they inspired minimal tension, and how does that even happen in a movie about killer sharks? And how many times to we need to see a shark suddenly leap from the water and take someone out? Are they Bird-Sharks? This movie should have been far more menacing and way bloodier. It felt sanitized.
The Master Says- This movie was a lamer. Slow, uneventful, and short on the goods, this PG-13 poop knuckle might entertain young kids, but anyone over 13 will most likely be left shaking their heads when all is said and done. You want a cool shark movie, go grab a copy of Deep Blue Sea. Say what you will about that movie, but it rocked in all the right places. Plus. I mean, Sam Jackson vs. sharks. How can that not be win?