Quick Review: Closed For the Season (2011)

"Closed for good reason..."

It's amazing to me how some of these low budget movies try so hard to be unique and different, and end up over-complicating things to the point of being unwatchable.

Here's the rule: If you have $50 to make a movie, don't over complicate things. Keep it simple and make it interesting, and the lack of budget won't matter as much. Clocking in at just under 2 VERY long hours, Closed for the Season was anything but simple.

Closed for the Season is the tale of Kristy; a hot chick who got scared at an amusement park when she was a kid. So traumatized was she, that she decides to go back there in her 20's, to like, confront her fear or something. As luck would have it, she finds herself trapped in the creepy park and unable to leave, along with some guy named James, who is very mysterious and... no, mysterious is good enough.

So it's like an eternal blind date?

It seems as though they are both trapped in the creepy wonderland, which makes for 2 times the tedium. Together they run around the park fending off evil Carnies, fighting with a dude in a cheesy costume, and walking through a lot of fog. I think there was fog. Isn't there always fog? Maybe it was mist. Or smoke. Whatever.

The movie attempts to be a Psychological Thriller, with our main characters "trapped" in their childhood memories by an old amusement park. Yes, it's a haunted park, and it really goes to great lengths to con people into never leaving. It's not a bad premise at all, and in fact, it could be one hell of a good ride if done right, but it's far too uneventful and boring to get much of a rise even out of the most casual Horror fan.

The actors even fell asleep during their scenes!

The characters are wooden and uninspiring, as is the script that they're forced to tread through. Aimee Brooks is nice to watch though, as she spends most of the movie sweating profusely in a tight tank top, which was absolutely the film's highlight. We liked her.

We also have to admit that the movie looked pretty good in most places, and was shot competently. As for the Horror elements present in the movie... well, there weren't really any. Some of the CGI was bad, and even downright laughable in some places. The clown wasn't creepy. The lake monster made me do a double take and question if this was supposed to be a comedy or not. And the atmosphere the director was going for never really came to fruition, which is the real shame of it all; the old abandoned amusement park that they used for the shoot was perfectly creepy, and could have been put to far better use.

Seriously, what is that? LOL!

If the 70's taught us anything, it's that great Horror movies with effective settings/atmosphere can be made with an almost non-existent budget. The 80's added to that lesson by showing us that as long as there were tits and blood in abundance, shitty Horror movies could be endured. These days, so many low-budget Horror flicks fail to deliver on any of those things, and it's bewildering. Too much high concept B.S., inept dialogue, and a favoring of the artistic over the exploitative tend to ruin most cheapo flicks in this modern age of Horror. T

The great Horror movie makers of yesteryear became great because they made something out of virtually nothing; these days, Horror filmmakers tend to take nothing and make it into more nothing. I guess maybe they just think themselves great right out of the gate, and their movies end up suffering for it.

At least she wears a tank top well. That's a positive, right?

If you like gorked-out, psychedelic mind trips that lull you into a comforting and untroubled sleep, then by all means, grab a copy of this movie on DVD. If you like good movies that make sense and make you feel something, anything, aside from the overwhelming desire to hit STOP on your DVD remote, then skip this one. It's definitely a DO NOT WANT for us.

We do, however, want more of Aimee Brooks. Please.

*FYI: These pics of Aimee Brooks are from Monster Man, not Closed for the Season, so if you're looking to see her all scantily-clad, look there, not here.