August 4, 2011

Quick Review: Madness (2010)
I'm going to have to go ahead and guess that Madness is Sweden's answer to Wrong Turn.
Set in Minnesota (which is apparently populated with nothing but Swede's), the story revolves around Swiss Miss and Britta (I forgot their names) who are Cheerleaders on the way to a Cheerleading competition. I'm not sure what kind of Cheerleading competition involves 30-year-old chicks, but I digress.

They pull off the road for gas, pop a few handstands, and catch the attention of, dig these names, Chad Fox and Oliver Ransom. LOL.
Who do they Cheer for, AARP?
Now at this point, I'm thinking that these characters have very odd accents and totally un-American sounding names. When the creepy hillbilly maniacs start talking, I happened to notice that they were speaking Swedish. Then it all made sense! I suppose that the 3 directors (yes, this movie has 3 directors) figured no one would notice that this is a Swedish movie if they set it in the seedy backwoods of Minnesota... although they're a little far north in the U.S. to be playing the inbred hick card. Mostly.

The rest of the plot doesn't really matter, as it's basically a Swedish homage to the inbred family, Backwoods Horror flicks that the U.S. seems to churn out so regularly; unsuspecting travelers are lost in the wilderness, and are set upon by murderous locals and are tortured. That's the gist of it all.

Now that's a scene that could have gone in an interesting direction...
It's a shame that the movie was so odd and lackluster, because it had a promising opening scene in which a girl escapes her captor, is chased through the woods and I think- seriously, I couldn't tell for sure- that when caught, the hillbilly kicks her tummy and a baby shoots out. I'm not being a smart ass here, I'm pretty sure that really happened. The last scene was disturbing as well, as was the gay rape that took place somewhere in the middle, so this one at least has shock value working for it. They even crushed a rat. The gore at least delivered.

The thing that makes this a movie we don't want, is the same old boring story, the uneven feel and tone of it all, the cheesy acting, and the myriad of boring scenes that we really wanted to fast forward through. Maybe having three directors making three different movies at the same time isn't such a great idea. You can see some salvageable parts here and there, but it really feels more like a collage of crazy in the end.

There's nothing funny about it, girls. Not at all.
The whole Swedish movie pretending to be set in the U.S. and doing a horrible job of it really threw us off. Then again, so did random awfulness like our cheerleader breaking into some cheerleader moves while waiting to fill the car up with gas. A lot of it was just WTF material.

We don't necessarily hate it, but we still don't want anything to do with it ever again, and we certainly can't recommend that you watch it either. Unless you like movies that suck. Then, you will love this one.

This movie might not have been good, but Swedish chicks are always good... usually.


  1. It's been a shitty year for DTV horror! Dude where is this years 'Splinter'? I hope Wrong Turn 4 brings the goods!

  2. It really has, Anon. There have been a few good ones, but so much of it has been horrendous.

    Just finished one called The Devil's Rock... now that is a great example of how DTV movies should be.

    So they're out there, they just seem few and far between this year.

  3. Yes I was harsh looking back through my collection there actually has been a few!

    Have you caught any of these three?

    Mask Maker, Cropsey or Spiderhole?

  4. Dude, I really dig those names Chad Fox and Oliver Ransom. I bet they are total eye candy mmmmm. ;]

  5. Bad Girl, Jenny!

    You're probably right though :)~

  6. We did see Cropsey, Anon. We're suckers for documentaries. It was interesting, but nothing we'd review here.

    Mask Maker we haven't seen, nor Spiderhole. We've heard bad things about both, but will mostly likely see them eventually.