August 15, 2011

Review: The Orphan Killer (2011)
Cast Members of Note- Diane Foster, John Savage, Karen Young, and James McCaffrey.

The Orphan Killer is the story of Marcus and Audrey Miller. As kids they were the closest of siblings, until they witnessed their parents being brutally murdered. Afterwards, they see themselves promptly shipped off to the local orphanage where Audrey is a perfect little lady, sweet and lovable, while Marcus turns out to be a creepy little fucker; after pretty much beating a fat kid to death with a baseball bat, the pious nuns of St. Nobody Wants You beat him mercilessly, try to drown him, and force him to wear some nasty looking skeleton mask, because he's a sinner. But they're Orphans, so it makes sense, right? Happens all the time in Orphanages.

Love is all he needs.
Anywho, Audrey gets adopted, and Marcus gets all pissy about it, because he's apparently a family man. Marcus is locked in the attic and left there, and I'm pretty sure they eventually forget he's there, because he's still up there like 20 years later? Of course that just serves to warp him more than he already is, and he eventually emerges in search of his long-lost sister, and looking to hack anyone who works for God into bloody little pieces...

He mad.
As a Gorefest, this movie absolutely nails it; it's bloody, messy, wet, and really graphic. If you love unrelenting gore and endless kill scenes, this is your flick. It definitely hearkens back to the gritty Slashers of the 80's, where plot and acting meant nothing, because skin and viscera was the draw. Movies like this serve their purpose.

On the flip side of this particular coin is that everything in this movie other than the gore is nothing to write home about. If you'd believe most of the 23 "Reviewers" that have so far posted their thoughts about The Orphan Killer on IMDB, it's "the best Slasher flick of all time!" It's not even the best Slasher movie of this week, let alone ever, so grains of salt must be taken.

I have to admit that the shots of young Marcus standing around in his mask were really creepy, and made us wish we had seen more of his childhood carnage.

Gore Galore.
As a film, The Orphan Killer isn't winning any awards. When I first heard about TOK, it was called Marcus Miller: The Orphan Killer. Catchy title. I thought maybe it would surprise me like Leslie Vernon did, or even Malevolence. Both were low budget Slashers, and both were pretty fun. TOK is fun, insofar as the blood and gore goes, but most everything else that surrounds it is painful to endure.

Save for the female lead, most of the acting is abysmal. At one point during the movie I was convinced that the director had grabbed a homeless person off the street, dressed them in a nun costume, and told them "just keep saying "We have to leave!" over and over again." It was bewildering. Then again, this movie exists to shock, not dazzle.

It is dazzlingly shocking though.
When someone watches a movie and decides to post a review about it, they should be able to. Love it, hate it, it's their right to sound off as they see fit.

If you happen to frequent the IMDB pages of your favorite flicks, you may notice that it's an open forum for opinion, good or bad. We personally love to opine. We do not, however, love when opinions are censored because someone doesn't agree with them. We don't censor comments here, and we were once told that we should shoot ourselves. True story. It's all in the Megan is Missing comment section.

Point is, we let them say it. To see that actual reviews were taken down off of TOK's IMDB page is alarming. If someone doesn't like your film, it's not the end of the world. Maybe you listen to what they say and try to be objective, because feedback is always good, even if what you've done is perfect. Don't like the review? Ignore it. If someone has the right to pimp their movie to the ends of the earth as the best thing ever, then someone else has the right to say "no, I don't agree." Man up and take the feedback.

Yeah, we're talking to you, asshole.
Gore effing galore in this one. If you're in it for the kills, and especially if you like them extra messy, you will adore this movie. In fact, this will become one of your instant faves.

Not only can Diane Foster act, but she's also good at taking a shower, which we were pleased to be able to watch. There was all kinds of wet and willing flesh on display, and for that we are truly thankful.

I don't know who proclaimed Marcus Miller to be the 2011's new Horror Icon (aside from the director), but they were wrong. This movie is cheap and unremarkable, and exists only to showcase a crazy amount of gore. It does that last bit really well.

TOK gets an A+ for gore, a D+ for everything else.


The lovely Diane Foster is in this.



  1. Bahahahaha! This movie looks bad ass!! P.s. creepy little fuckers need love too :D

  2. I would to say here that the guys at THC did not make the comment about Megan Is Missing in schools.It was fact myself who made it,and would like to comment that they should not be told to shoot themselves for because of others.What next?Blaming them because Uwe Boll releases yet another terrible horror?

    keep up the good work I always enjoy the reviews and features.

  3. you were far too kind on this one XD

  4. I was far too kind, and the movie is a wreck, but as a gore filled bloodbath it delivers, so we gave it a low average grade (C-) instead of a high bad one (D+)

  5. Much love back at you, Zocial. Thanks for not wanting us dead like the Megan is Missing haters :)~

  6. Without you guys I would miss some gems,so I wouldn't even wish a cold you.

  7. Good thing Zocial, because colds suck lol

    The best thing about doing this site is people being able to find out about some great flicks that aren't Saw or Paranormal Activity- i.e. the ones that get little to no theatrical exposure, and that fall under the average persons radar.

    It's like turning someone on to good music; it just makes us happy.

    Plus, the idea of people crapping their pants worldwide makes us happy to. :)

  8. By the way, he's STILL leaving comments on my review. Just a few days ago, he left three messages full of Facebook praise under "Anonymous" and then when I called him out, claimed to be just "a fan" of the movie insisting everything is real. When not making shit flicks, this guy has absolutely no life.

  9. Still?

    They guy needs to move on, and take some feedback to build on into his next movie.


  10. I was far too kind on this movie, and it's bothered me ever since.

    It really does deserve a DO NOT WANT grade, but the blood and gore earns it a point, so it's a D movie.

    I should have popped the review out as soon as I saw it instead of thinking on it, which made me give it more credit than I should have.

    Still, I do think gorehounds will revere this as a grail of sorts.

  11. I am watching this movie at the moment im about half hour into it, and the only thing it has going for it is the gore.

    This movie is absolubtly fucking awful!

    my comments about disliking it were removed from the orphan killer facebook page, and i was deleted from the page too!!

  12. Yeah Rabid. the director isnt very partial to negative feedback.

    For a while, anyone posting a negative review or comments on IMDB were either harassed, or had their posts removed.

    Shitty movie is shitty.

  13. Movie won massive awards. Even at Sitges is Spain. This horror blog is an epic fail! !

  14. Yes, everything we do is an epic fail because we though TOK sucked.

    You told us.

  15. I am a gore hound so I love this movie and I see the flaws but I ignore them. The gore is the focus and its is done beautifully.

  16. This movie apparently was the official selection of several film festivals, and the cover shows one critic describing Marcus as "the new legendary slasher". This movie is far from legendary, but it's a decent way to kill some time.