"The Boring House."
As so many indie
Horror flicks seem to be of late,
The Bleeding House is big on concept, but the execution of that concept doesn't match its imagined scope.
The Bleeding House is the story of a troubled family living out in the middle of
BFE, who are harboring a dark secret. You see, the daughter,
Blackbird (no, she's not
Native American, just wonky), did "something" in the past which prompted her mother to lock up the utensils and cast a constant suspicious eye on her like she's a
black man in a Korean party store. (you know that shit happens, so do not judge my attempt at humor!)
 |
| Blackbird. |
After a tension-filled dinner (ooooh), a mysterious stranger named
Nick shows up, oozing southern charm and an overtly polite drawl. "Might I trouble you for some help good neighbor? I do fear that my vehicle has met with some unfortunate malady, and has been rendered inoperable." Yeah. The thought of enduring dialogue like that for the remainder of the movie is enough to terrify most moviegoers, even if nothing else about the movie isn't anywhere near as scary.
 |
| Too bad his character wasn't mute. |
Long story short,
Nick is creepy, and once invited inside by the family, he proceeds to "punish them for their sins," or some such nonsense. Unfortunately for him,
Sparrowface, or whatever her name is, is also creepy, which sets up a
mano-a-mano creepy person showdown, kinda. It basically turns into a
Torture Pornish kind of thing that delivers some blood, and far too much preachy dialogue.
It's all a good idea on paper, but on film it's a slow and drawn out bunch of un-eventfulness that doesn't really manage to scare or entertain much. Through all of our movie watching adventures, we have found that the more stylized and unique a movie tries to be, the less it tends to be;
Tarantino did it perfectly with
Pulp Fiction,
Rob Zombie did it equally well with
The Devil's Rejects. So many other movies try to capture that same lightning in a bottle, but can't manage to do it, and let's be honest, even
Rob Zombie could only do it once.
 |
| She crazy. |
I'm not sure how the villain in this movie,
Nick, is supposed to come off as creepy or menacing.
Patrick Breen does his best with the character
, but the whole "
Southern Gentleman" routine got old really quick. I half expected him to break out a "Why I do, why I do declare!" ala
Foghorn Leghorn every other minute, though he never did. It was close enough though. The whole pious
Man of God looking for some demented retribution thing just didn't work for us.
*SPOILERS* We do have to say that the idea of the daughter being a murderous sociopath, and her family being terrified of her, is an interesting one. Too bad it wasn't explored more.
*END SPOILERS*
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| Guess you shouldn't have locked up the utensils, huh? |
It's not a completely wasted effort, but in the end The Bleeding House just isn't enthralling enough to make us want to suffer through its annoying bits. Had it been a little faster paced and cut way back on the verbiage, it could have been one hell of a sleeper Horror flick. I'm sure that this movie will be right up some of your proverbial alleys, but for most people it's going to inspire boredom and not much else. It will find its audience, we just won't be amongst them.
D+
Alexandra Chando is in this.
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