Repost: The Best of Horror Heartbreakers!

Sure they want to hurt you, feed on you, or flat out kill you, but man are these murderous ladies ever gorgeous!

Let's just admit it: women are essentially the Horror Genre. They're stalked, slashed, possessed, and otherwise terrorized by bloodthirsty maniacs, demonic forces, and other nefarious creatures alike, and they frazzle our nerves while we root for their survival. Them being beautiful and scantily clad doesn't usually hurt things either.

Some of the beautiful ladies of Horror aren't sweet, virginal, or vulnerable at all though... because they're the ones doing the terrorizing!

With Valentine's Day coming up, it's only natural that we focus on the lovey-dovey aspects of Horror, as well as the tawdry and disturbing side of love that so many of our favorite films show us. But why can't we take a minute or two to celebrate the most terrifying (and terrifyingly sexy) women of the Genre who are as dangerous and deadly as they are beautiful and alluring?

Below you'll find 10 (give or take) of our favorite bad girls who aren't the heroines that we all pull for, but the villains that we root against... or pull for, depending on how your twisted mind works. Either way, they're deadly, gorgeous, and we're glad that we've never run into anyone quite like them.

There will be some SPOILERS!!! below, especially since some of the ladies are revealed to be the villains late in their respective movies, so BEWARE!!! 

*Be sure to click the pics for more info on the ladies, and their pics.

MANDY LANE

Movie: All The Boys Love Mandy Lane (2008)
Actress: Amber Heard.
What it's about: A group of High Schoolers invite Mandy Lane, an innocent, desirable girl, to a weekend party on a secluded ranch. While the festivities rage on, the number of revelers begins to die mysteriously.
Why is she so deadly?: Mandy Lane may have started off as the shy, innocent one of the group, but by the end of this movie we find out that she's really a moody bitch who wants to kill people, and she uses her sexy charms to make it happen. Not even her true friends are safe, and she's even down for a suicide pact.

Like all the boys though, we still love her.

MARY MASON

Movie: American Mary (2012)
Actress: Katharine Isabelle.
What it's about: The allure of easy money sends Mary Mason, a medical student, into the world of underground surgeries which ends up leaving more marks on her than her so called "freakish" clients.
Why is she so deadly?: She's supposed to use her surgical gifts for healing, not murder. I mean sure, she went through some really rough things, but really, all of that torture and death are going to hurt her more than her victims in the long run.

She made for one hell of an exotic dancer though.

SATANICO PANDEMONIUM

Movie: From Dusk Till Dawn (1996)
Actress: Salma Hayek.
What it's about: Two criminals and their hostages unknowingly seek temporary refuge in an establishment populated by vampires, with chaotic results.
Why is she so deadly?: Because how do you resist her vampiric sexiness? She'll get half naked, dance all sexy, and then when you go to shove a dollar bill in her g-string, she'll sink her fangs into your throat and drain you dry. That's why.

JULIA

Movie: Hellraiser (1987) & Hellraiser II (1988)
Actress: Claire Higgins.
What it's about: A man plays with a box and unleashes the demonic Cenobites who want to tear him, and everyone else's soul, apart.
Why is she so deadly?:  When you think of the first two Hellraiser movies, you might think that Pinhead and his Cenobite cronies are the bad guys, but really, they're just doing their jobs; you tempt fate, they show up, and you go to hell. Julia on the other hand... she lures men to the house and kills them so that her "dead" lover, Frank, can essentially consume them and become whole again. She's even willing to sacrifice her husband (yeah, she's a cheater), and her step-daughter Kirsty in the process. 

Julia is the real villain of Hellraiser I & II, and one hell of a down-ass bitch. Ah, the creepy power of love.

ALEXA

Movie: The Hills Run Red (2009)
Actress: Sophie Monk.
What it's about: A group of young horror fans go searching for a film that mysteriously vanished years ago but instead find that the demented killer from the movie is real, and he's thrilled to meet fans who will die gruesomely for his art.
Why is she so deadly?: Alexa is the hot, stripper daughter of the guy who made a film about the legendary serial killer, Babyface. She's also Babyface's sister, and his mother, because her daddy got her pregnant when she was only 13. She's also deranged, and much like Julia above, and has no problem bringing her brother/son new victims to kill.

And man, does she ever look good on a pole.

SPACE GIRL

Movie: Lifeforce (1985)
Actress: Mathilda May. 
What it's about: A race of space vampires arrive in London and infect the populace.
Why is she so deadly?: Not only does this sexy space vampire want to drain your lifeforce from you, leaving you a dried up old raisin of a husk; but she doesn't want too put any clothes on either. That's right, Space Girl spends nearly the entire movie naked, which I have to assume is her greatest weapon; how does any man (or many women, for that matter), not get hypnotized by that face and body?

SLOVAKIAN WHORES

Movie: Hostel (2005) & Hostel II (2007)
Actresses: Barbara Nedeljakova & Jana Kaderabkova.
What it's about: Three backpackers head to a Slovak city that promises to meet their hedonistic expectations, with no idea of the hell that awaits them.
Why are they so deadly?: Why are Slovakian Whores so deadly? Oh I don't know, maybe because they lure innocent young travelers to their deaths with the promise of sex, drugs, and more sex? They also probably have the Eastern European Herp too, and that's equally as terrifying, albeit in a completely different way.

LOLA aka PRINCESS

Movie: The Loved Ones (2009)
Actress: Robin McLeavy.
What it's about: When Brent turns down his classmate Lola's invitation to the prom, she concocts a wildly violent plan for revenge.
Why is she so deadly?: This psychotic teenager is terrifying because all she really wants is love. So lovelorn is she, that she and her father kidnap a boy, tie him to a chair, nail his feet to the floor with knives, torture him, try to lobotomize him, and poke him with needles. She's also got some kind of sexual thing going on with her daddy, and she also keeps a basement full of mongoloids (who must have spurned her romantic advances too), so there's nothing not horrific about this bitch.

We'd still take her to prom though.

AMANDA YOUNG

Movie: The Saw Franchise (2004-2009)
Actress: Shawnee Smith.   
What it's about: Two strangers awaken in a room with no recollection of how they got there or why, and soon discover they are pawns in a deadly game perpetrated by a notorious serial killer.
Why is she so deadly?: Poor Amanda started out as one of Jigsaw's victims, but she impressed him so much that he hired her, and made her his special assistant. Going from weak and helpless to ready to torture people on command is a pretty scary metamorphosis, especially since she seemed to love the torture part more than Jigsaw did.

MIRIAM & FRAN

Movie: Vampyres (1974)
Actresses: Annulka & Marianne Morris.   
What it's about: A lesbian vampire couple waylay and abduct various passer-byes, both male and female, to hold them captive at their rural manor in the English countryside in order to kill and feed on them to satisfy their insatiable thirst for blood.
Why are they so deadly?: Is there anything deadlier than two sexy lesbian vampires who use their sexual power to draw people to them, and feed off of their blood? Man or woman, so one could resist that... and I don't mean because they're vampires and have the power of hypnosis at their disposal, no, I mean because they're hot, and we're only human, man.

Yeah, we're ashamed of us too.

There are MANY other sexy, terrifying movie villainesses out there, and while we couldn't possibly feature them all, here are a few more for you to enjoy.

Repost: It's Valentine's Day! (Part 2)

Most "Horror movies you have to watch on Valentines Day!" lists tend to involve the same old movies; My Bloody Valentine (both versions), Valentine, Lovers Lane, Zombie Honeymoon, Dracula (any version of), Candyman, Play Misty For Me, Fatal Attraction, or any other Horror movie with any variation of the words Bride or Love in the title.

Sure, most of those titles are absolutely appropriate for a Valentines Day celebration (anti or otherwise), but they're also more than obvious. There are plenty of Horror Movies out there that deal with the topic of love; most of them happen to deal with the sicker and more twisted aspects of love, but that's what we're looking for to begin with, right?

So let's dig a little deeper to find the movies of our genre that show love in all of its many forms; incest, necrophilia, rape, gay rape, abuse, bestiality, revenge, obsession, cuckolding... sometimes, they even contain more than one of these elements at once! The following movie romances are the ones that have gone way wrong, and some that were just never right to begin with, but who are we to judge!

*Warning* As a general rule, I'd avoid eating dinner while watching most of these.

Calvaire (2004)

Calvaire is the story of a lonely old man whose whore wife ran away and left him feeling all lonely, because she was a whore; and of Marc, a shitty lounge singer who becomes the lonely old man's new "wife." There's lots of creepy nuzzling and forced cuddling in this one, and also plenty of man-on-man rape. Hell, the townsfolk are so hungry for love in this movie that they even gang-rape a pig. Bottom line is, it's a love story for all ages. And species. (Our Review HERE.)

Amityville II: The Possession (1982)

Amityville II isn't a love story per se, but it does showcase a creepy love affair between a brother and sister that most likely drove one of them to kill their whole family. Sure, that kind of love is all forbidden and everything, and it obviously invites Demonic Possession, but Diane Franklin was so cute in this movie... that's not to say that we endorse sibling coitus in any way... but we don't not endorse it either. *Ambiguity intensifies* (Our Review HERE.)

Antichrist (2009)

Worst married couple ever? Maybe not, but He and She from Antichrist come very close to winning that title: She crushes his jewels with a millstone, and then makes him orgasm blood; He strangles her to death. Oh, there's plenty more that happens between the unhappily married couple, but the point is that their unique love play is the kind of thing that makes a marriage strong... at least in Lars Von Trier's world.  (Our Review HERE.)

Audition (1999)

Guys, you never, ever, wait to call a woman for more than a day after a date, because if you do, you end up being tortured in indescribably horrible ways. Also, your dog ends up dead. This movie is a warning to all careless playboys that creepy, insane women have hearts too, and that breaking them will cost you limbs and organs. Kiri kiri kiri kiri kiri kiri! (Our Review HERE.)

Buio Omega (1979)

Frank loves his girlfriend so much, that he continues to date her even after she's dead. He injects her corpse with some semen (to preserve her), and then proceeds to romance her cold, rotting husk like any normal man in love would do. Problems arise though when his nanny gets jealous, and a not-erotic-at-all love triangle develops. This movie goes to show you that true love never dies; it just rots a little bit, each day. Slowly. (Our Review HERE.)

Burial Ground (1981)

Amidst the outbreak of a Zombie Invasion, a mother and her son learn to love each other, and in doing so, manage to become even creepier than the horde of undead that are trying to kill them. Little Michael is one of the creepiest kids ever committed to film (he's played by an adult, by the way), and to see he and his mother canoodling and rubbing each other up will forever be one of the most uncomfortable things that we've ever witnessed. Yes, even worse than watching James Spader sing "We Walk the Night" in Tuff Turf. (Our Review HERE.)

Haute Tension (2003)

This movie is a testament to the power of love, and how it can drive you insane, especially when you're insane to begin with. I mean, what kind of chick in their right mind takes off after a bloodthirsty maniac who has just kidnapped the love of your life, after he's slaughtered her whole family? French chicks, that's who. Lesbian French chicks. If nothing else, Haute Tension goes to show you just how committed a woman can be. Literally, and figuratively. (Our Review HERE.)

Possession (1981)

Infidelity will kill a relationship quicker than anything else, especially when your significant other is cheating on you with some mongoloid Cthulhu-like thing, and letting it put its tentacles wherever it damn well pleases... all while rubbing your face in it! A situation like that just can't really end well for anyone involved. The fact that the whole thing came off like some crazy cuckold porn didn't help matters either. (No Review.)

Macabre (1980)

Taking the whole "true love can never die" thing to the nth degree, this bitch right here decides to keep her dead lover's head in her freezer... so that she can continue to make passionate love to it (especially oral love.) The final shot in this movie will make you believe that Cupid is in fact out there, and that he uses his bow for the sake of evil. Also, that poor blind guy... all he ever wanted to do was to get laid!  (Our Review HERE.)

Sleepwalkers (1992)

The bond between a mother and a son is a strong one indeed, but in Sleepwalkers, that bond involves sex, so, the sweetness is sucked out of that romantic notion pretty quick. The movie also proves a long-held theory of ours, that cats hate incest; Clovis and his feline army put an end to that twisted shit pretty damn quick! Also, Madchen Amick is pretty adorable in this one, and if she doesn't inspire feelings of love in you, then you've never really watched Twin Peaks. (Our Review HERE.)

So there you have it; 10 horrific movies that take the wonderful notion of love, and twist it beyond any and all recognition. Now go and find these movies, watch them, and enjoy your special day of romance!

Repost: It's Valentine's Day! (Part 1)

Who doesn't love commercial holidays that exist just to guilt consumers into spending crazy amounts of money out of a sense of forced obligation, or in the hopes of getting some ass at the end of the night? Well love it or not, what might be the most polarizing day of the year has arrived. Some love the sappy sweetness of Valentine's Day, while others revile it for forcing them to conform.

We here at THC are lovers, so were fine with V-day, although we do have our own special way of celebrating all things love and sex which doesn't involve candy or flowers. It involves blood, sex and death; the three cornerstones of life. *That's a scientific fact.

Forget the chick flicks; here's what you need to be watching with your sweetie.

MY BLOODY VALENTINE (1981)

It may seem obligatory to mention My Bloody Valentine on a Best of Valentine's Day Horror list, and that's because it is. There aren't many Horror flicks with actual Valentine themes running through them though, so you have to start with the story of Harry Warden, his heartbreak, and how he copes with the lack of love in his life.

It's a good old school Slasher that has some awesome kills (in the un-cut version, that is), and celebrates love. How can you go wrong with that? .

MY BLOODY VALENTINE (2009)

Hey look, it's the 2009 remake of the 1981 classic! No, it's not as good as the original, but that's not to say that it's without it's own strong points.

Guess what the original MBV didn't have that this remake does? A nearly 3 minute long, full-frontal nude scene in 3D, involving a hot blond (the incomparable Betsy Rue) having sex and running. In 3D. Fully naked.

Yeah, that is the stuff that dreams are made of.

The rest of the movie is basically the same as the first, just this time around the heartbreak of Harry Warden is in 3D... and not as good. Still, it's a fun flick.

VALENTINE (2001)

Yes, we're reaching a bit on this one, but it's the last of the Horror flicks that exist with the word Valentine in the title, so it's appropriate.

This is a glossy, by the numbers Slasher flick that isn't as bad as you might think. Everyone in it is pretty, there's some good gore, and it involves Valentines Day. And bloody candy.

It's fun enough if you can stomach watching David Boreanz try to act for 90-minutes or so. It really could have used some more nakedness though.

AUDITION (1999)

Now here's a flick that truly addresses the issue of love gone wrong; and of course as with any relationship, the gone wrong part is supplied here by a bat-shit-crazy woman. Don't get all riled up ladies, you know you get a little maniacal when it comes to love.

Audition is a tender story that illustrates why it's a bad idea to bang a chick and then kick her to the curb.

The final act of Audition is especially moving, when the troubled couple tries to work through their problems, and make love last. "Kiri, Kiri, Kiri!"

CEMETERY MAN (1994)

Can you still love a woman after she's died and become a zombie? If that woman is Anna Falci, then hell yes you can!

This movie is one of the best Horror Comedies ever, and one of our favorite zombie flicks to boot. It's filled with sex and zombies, and has Anna Falci more naked than she really needed to be. We aren't complaining of course, because it all serves the plot. The sweet, romantic plot.

Even creepy little Gnaghi falls in love with a hot chick's zombie head.

This movie is just filled with love.

HAUTE TENSION (2003)

Our next Valentine's viewing pleasure may be the most romantic of them all; It's the story of a woman loving another woman, and how she will go to any lengths to protect and keep her safe. It really is a sweet story. Sure, it may be overtly bloody and violent, but that's all a metaphor, isn't it? A metaphor for the trials and tribulations one must endure to find the love that they need.

Oh, and how odd; it's centered around another bat-shit-crazy woman... see ladies, we told you so. Ha!

LET THE RIGHT ONE IN (2008)

A love story between a bullied 12-year old boy, and a hermaphroditic vampire girl who takes on the role of his protector... and becomes his girlfriend, I think.

LTROI is a sweet, shocking coming of age story that will make you believe in the power of Innocent, sexually ambiguous, underage Swedish love.

TEETH (2008)

A girl's vagina bites off her rapey step-brother's penis, and then feeds it to the dog.

I think this is about feminism or something.

HOSPITAL MASSACRE (1981)

Also known as X-ray, Hospital Massacre was originally titled Be My Valentine... Or Else!, which makes us cringe just thinking about it. It's about some little kid who get spurned by the girl he loves on Valentine's Day, and so when he grows up, he decides to chase her around a hospital, and make her his.

At least Barbie Benton was 80's hot in this one. 

So there you have it; 9 awesome flicks that uphold the sacred spirit of Valentine's Day, and really say more about love than your average Hallmark commercial ever could. And don't despair, we've got more Valentine's Day goodies up our proverbial sleeves...  or maybe they're up our pant legs. Wink, wink. Heh.

Just stay tuned...

VOD Review: Holidays (2016)

"Considering the talent involved, Holidays wasn't quite as good as we'd hoped it would be."

Holidays is a Horror Anthology that is made up of 8 stories written and directed by 8 Genre talents who each offer their own twisted takes on the biggest holidays of the year like Valentine's Day; St. Patrick's Day; Easter; Mother's Day, Father's Day; Halloween; Christmas; and New Years Eve.

No Thanksgiving though, which really feels like a missed opportunity for Eli Roth. 

It's a great concept that is rife with possibilities, but for us, the material never quite lived up to that potential. *It is quite possible that we weren't in the right frame of mind to relax and enjoy this one for what it was, instead of not enjoying it for what we really wanted it to be, but wasn't. So read on knowing that we're not really sure how we feel about the mixed feelings that Holidays gave us.

For this review, we're going to briefly cover each of the segments that make up Holidays, and we'll do so in the order in which we liked them, from best to worst.

I will also try to keep it as spoiler free as possible. 

FATHER'S DAY

Father's Day tells the story of a young girl who receives a package from her long-dead Father, which includes a tape recorder and a tape. On that tape is a message that recorded especially for her, many years ago, the contents of which send her on a journey to find the answers that she has sought for so long.

This was by far the best segment of the Anthology. Anthony Scott Burns created a haunting and eerie story with Father's Day that made us wish that it wasn't just a short film... and that it had ended on a more satisfying note, because with all of the excellent build-up, the end just kind of happened, and that was it. The vastly-underrated Jocelin Donahue was perfect in this one too; we really wish she got more high-profile work.

Good stuff overall.

EASTER

On the night before Easter, a young girl is scared to go to sleep, because she's afraid of the Easter Bunny. Trying to waylay her daughter's fears, her mother tells her not to worry, and goes off on a tangent about Jesus and his resurrection, which freaks her out even more. In the middle of the night, the girl goes to investigate a noise in the living room, and finds something far more terrifying than she ever imagined.

Directed by Nicholas McCarthy (whom we're big fans of), we found Easter to be pretty enjoyable. It could have been better, as it was a bit talky at the beginning, and the cheesy ending kinda ruined the creepiness of the whole thing a bit, but we thought it was pretty cool how the Jesus/Easter Bunny creature felt like a Cenobite to us.

CHRISTMAS

A father is on the hunt for the perfect Christmas gift for his son; a VR headset that is somehow able to see into the depths of your soul, and project whatever it finds there. What it finds is nothing good.

The tongue-in-cheek vibe of Christmas, along with its cool VR premise, worked for us. Seth Green was great here, as was his sexy real-life wife Clare Grant, and with all of this segment's potential, this one could easily be a feature-length effort. Very enjoyable.

ST. PATRICK'S DAY

A teacher who wants nothing more than to be a mother receives some unwanted help from the odd, new girl in class, Grainne.

It could just be me, but this one had a Fulci-esque vibe about it; it was probably the fact that the creepy little ginger girl reminded me a lot of the little girl from The Beyond, but maybe I'm crazy. Either way, this was a decent short that had me right up until the silly ending came along with it's Danny Zuko nonsense, which included a snake with a pompadour. 75% enjoyable.

MOTHER'S DAY

A girl who gets pregnant everything she has sex, no matter what kind, or how much contraception she uses, heads to a weekend fertility ceremony, looking for help with her unwanted pregnancy.

The most feminine of all of the segments, obviously, is Mother's Day; which was directed by Sarah Adina Smith, who gave us last year's haunting, The Midnight Swim. This was probably the most tonally serious of the segments, but it does drag a bit, and it never quite felt fun or exciting... which was the point, but it bears mention. Solid, but a bit underwhelming.

NEW YEAR'S EVE

A Serial Killer lands a date with a lonely girl on New Year's Eve, only to find that his potential prey isn't about to take his murderous intentions lying down. 

This one was decent enough; a bit too short, and way too obvious, but decent. The gorgeous Lorenza Izzo is great as the lonely girl, and the way that she fights off the killer's advances was pretty fun. Even intense. Decent, but way too short.

VALENTINE'S DAY

A young girl named Maxine develops a crush on her Diving Teacher, and struggles to show him how she feels amidst dealing with the group of mean girls who are intent of making her life a living hell.

This one wasn't bad, but it had too much quirk mixed into the Horror for our tastes. It just felt uneven, and as much as we liked the ending, it felt oddly humorous rather than terrifying. I don't know, had this one played it for straight Horror from start to finish, then we would have liked it way more. Probably. Maybe not though.

HALLOWEEN

Three Cam Girls decide that they've had enough of their sleazy boss's abuse, and decide to teach him a lesson that he and his most tender body parts won't soon forget.

Easily the worst of the bunch, Halloween didn't feel like the work of Kevin Smith at all. This segment is vulgar, as you'd expect from something with Smith's name on it, but everything here seems forced; from the dialogue to the revenge bit. It's not funny, and it really it felt like it was written by a twelve-year-old who likes to swear excessively just for the sake of it. Worst of all, it just didn't work on any level. At least for us.

As with any Horror Anthology, there were parts of Holidays that worked, and some that didn't. For us,this was a truly middle-of-the-road experience.

We really liked the Father's Day and Easter segments, and Christmas and St. Patrick's Day were fun, but even the good ones felt like they were lacking something, Again, maybe we expected too much, and we should have just kicked back and enjoyed this movie for what it was, but that's how it hit us.

We had two real problems with this Horror Anthology: One, is that as good as some of the segments were, none of them seemed to know how to end effectively. Two, the tone was too campy and silly at times, which killed the impact of most of the segments.

It also really felt as if many of the segments were thrown together in a very short time, and they suffered for it.

YEAH, SETH, WE HAD TO WATCH IT TOO.

This one was all kinds of gory. Excess blood, severed body parts, open wound fingering, disturbing cam porn (which was only alluded to, but was nasty), dismemberment, and even the trusty old ax to the head bit.

WHO'S THE PRETTY GIRL NOW, HUH?

The Mother's Day segment had some nudity, and the Halloween segment was suggestive in its subject matter.

FOR THE MOST PART THOUGH, THE NUDITY TREE IS BARE IN THIS ONE.

Maybe if they had cut the number of segments down to 5, and allowed the ones that remained to breathe a bit more, Holidays would have been a more satisfying experience overall. As it stands though, what we have here is an Anthology that gives us 2 solid segments, a few mediocre ones, and a few that we could have absolutely done without.

It was alright, but it just didn't grab us like we had hoped it would. Less picky (some call us elitist) Horror fans may get a kick out of it though.

C

Holidays is available now on VOD, and will be in theaters (Limited) starting on 4/22.

The ladies of Holidays have their own Horror Hottie post that you can see right over HERE, if staring at pictures of attractive women is your thing.