August 9, 2017

Giallo Month Review: Eyes of Crystal (2004)
*This is a repost of a review from 2009 of a great, little-known, modern-day Giallo.

We start off with some guy has an issue with animals, as evidenced by him torturing and killing an innocent squirrel! To make things worse, he guts it, stuffs it, and puts it on a bed in his creepy lair. He then names it "Tino," and tries to teach it how to smoke Italian cigarettes. Maybe his issues run deeper than just animals?

Poor little Tino; he wanted acorns, he got torture and cigarettes.
The creepy animal hater-guy heads out and attempts to capture a pelican to torture next, when he sees a young couple scrumping in a nearby field (with some 80-year old pervert watching them while tossing one off.) Deciding humans are more fun to dismember and stuff, he sets off on a multiple-murder quest to create a human jigsaw puzzle using body parts. Males sense.

That poor boob.
Detective Amaldi is on the case though, and is determined to solve the mystery behind the serial killings... as soon as he's done banging the hot Guiditta on the regular, having coffee, smoking, playing bocce ball, standing around contemplating what to do next... a Cop's life can be crazy busy!

Will Amaldi catch the killer, or will Giuditta be next on his list? Will the ending make little sense, yet still seem to work? I won't spoil the rest for you here, because it's Giallo and there are plenty of "surprises" ahead, but I will say that I still have no clue what Eyes of Crystal means. Thank you once again, Italian Horror!

"You a no worry, we a look everyone like thees."
I really do love Gialli films, and it's nice to see a modern day Giallo handled so well.

For those who have never seen an Italian "Yellow" movie, it's basically a stylish whodunit with a Slasher sensibility. Nudity, blood, graphic kill scenes, a twisting plot, stylish camera work, and often times really interesting music make up the typical Gialli. Argento, Bava, Fulci, Lenzi, Soavi; these are some of the genre's famed directors, and they've given us some true Giallo masterpieces throughout the years.

This one is stylish and well-executed in its own right; it took me back to the 70's and 80's, and reminded me of the classics from that era that I still love to this day. It's tense and brutal, bloody and atmospheric, and kept me interested for its entire running time. Even the characters get some decent development in this one, and weren't just wooden caricatures as they so often are in these films.

If she's wooden, then she's a soft, supple wood that smells like cocoa butter and curiosity.
What was the point of the little boys attempting to rape that doll? And the way the mother smiled when she caught them... just wrong.

You just can't un-see some things...
Who in the fuck tortures a squirrel like that?!? That poor little thing was so scared, and he was shaking...

Feel free to kill her, but leave the animals be!
A chick gets her boob shot off, a squirrel gets murdered, and old pervert gets shot in the junk while rubbing one out in a field, and old chick loses her arms, another loses her legs... It's Giallo, so you know that there's plenty of blood and gore to be found here.

Looks like they just got done making hate.
We get some 70's style bush and some bare boobs and butts. You can always count on the Italians to deliver in this category. Well, usually.

Move your arm, dummy!
Killers in Italy always wear gloves. Also, animals around the world are suffering right now as we speak, and we must do something about it! R.I.P. Tino.

At least Gabagool made it, that sweet little furball.
A great modern day Giallo flick, Eyes of Crystal is very satisfying on all levels. This is the best "new" Giallo I've seen since Argento's Opera back in the 80's. Get a hold of this one on DVD and give it a shot, you won't be disappointed.


Eyes of Crystal is available on Import DVD.

She kisses girls.Thought it was worth noting.

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