And that's basically what it was.
I'm a bit baffled at how so many Horror Critics raved or even semi-raved about this movie. Personal tastes aside, Unfriended wasn't a very good Horror movie. Sure, the demographic that the movie was aimed at probably loved it to the tune of "OMG it was literally the scariest movie ever!" but adults who have seen 100's, and potentially even 1000's of Horror movies thought their lives? I just don't get it.
Unfriended went on to make $54 million Worldwide off of a $1 million budget though, so what the hell do I know?
Unfriended is the story or a group of kids who are harassed online by the ghost of their former friend, Laura Barns, who killed herself after being bullied online. A year after Laura's suicide, Blaire, her boyfriend, and a group of their cronies are hanging out on Skype, having a chat, when a mysterious person named billie227 joins their group. bille227 is talking to them through Laura's old accounts, and knows things about each of them, like deep dark secret things. When she begins to post videos and pictures of them doing horrible and embarrassing things online, they quickly find that they are at her mercy.
So yeah, haunted Skype.
|THE BULLY WHO WAS BULLIED TO DEATH.|
Cybernatural terror ensues.
|PLEASE JUST STOP SCREAMING.|
Some of the acting was pretty good here too, even if the material the actors was working with wasn't so hot.
|RENEE OLSTEAD IS A SUPER QT.|
Unfriended though really isn't very effective or scary at all; oh, it's clever in its mechanics, and so in that way it's fairly effective, but it didn't scare us. Not even a little bit. Unlikable characters probably didn't help matters much, but the whole "we've got to keep chatting or we die!" thing felt silly to us, and that premise barely built up any tension or dread to make us fear what was coming next.
Truth told, the most terrifying part of the movie was trying to come to grips with the idea that teenagers can navigate a desktop with 30 open windows spread across the screen at one time. The teen melodrama was horrific too, but only insofar that we had to endure it for 90 minutes. Are there really groups of kids out there who all get on video chat together and "hang out" online with each other? And are they really that annoying when they do?
|THAT WAS PRETTY MUCH US WATCHING THIS MOVIE.|
|REALLY? THAT'S THE BEST YOU CAN COME UP WITH?|
A bully is bullied to the point of suicide, and then her ghost comes back to bully the people who bullied her, before killing them. Exactly who are we supposed to have sympathy for here?
|I KNOW, WE'RE ALMOST DONE RANTING.|
- Where were the parents of all these kids? They spend the entire movie screaming, having fits, smoking weed, and dying horrible deaths, and no one hears them? Were they all out bowling together or something?
- Again, a "Footage" movie that makes things freeze and go all pixely whenever something "scary" is supposed to be happening. Of course.
- Why did we not see more of the death scenes? As uneventful as this movie was, when something grisly does finally happen, all we get is a quick flash of it, or we only see the aftermath?
- Aside from some of the language, this could have been a Lifetime Movie of The Week. It was far more about teen melodrama and dysfunction between friends than it was Horror.
|WHAT IS EVEN GOING ON?|
Skyping with one another would at least have some boobs or something, but no such luck.
|THE CYBER-SEX SCENE THAT NEVER WAS.|
Then I abruptly realized, teenagers. You know, the demographic that this movie was made for to begin with.
|STOP WAVING ALREADY, THEY SEE YOU!|
The bottom line though is this: if you're a kid who spends a lot of time online, then this movie will probably terrify you to no end. If not, then its strong points, and there aren't many, will probably be lost on you, like they were us. In the end, it was just impossible for us to take this movie seriously enough for it to work.
Unfriended is available now on VOD.
Unfriended features a wealth of Eye Candy. If you want to see more of The Ladies of Unfriended, then check out their Hottie Post HERE.