DVD Review: The Amityville Horror (1979)

(aka The Haunting of the Brawny Man.)
Release Date: July 27th, 1979.
Country: USA.
Rating: R.
Written by: Sandor Stern and Jay Anson.
Directed by: Stuart Rosenberg.
Starring: James Brolin, Margot Kidder, Rod Steiger, and Don Stroud.

We're perfectly willing to call this 1979 Haunted House flick a classic, despite the fact that it's far from perfect, because along with other Genre efforts like The Exorcist, Halloween, Alien, TCM, and Dawn of the Dead, The Amityville Horror is an iconic part of 70's Horror. An imperfect one, but one none the less.

*This review is a re-do of one we did back in 2008. It needed an update.

Newly-married couple George and Kathy Lutz have just found the real estate deal of a lifetime on Long Island; a reduced-price Haunted House! Since knowing that a family was slaughtered there only 13 months earlier doesn't bother them in the least, and they just can't pass up a good bargain, they gather up the kids and movie in, ensuring that plenty of haunted chaos will ensue.

"MASS MURDER? WE'LL TAKE IT!"

George Lutz becomes handy around the house (ala chopping a metric ton of wood), and since he looks like the Brawny Paper Towel Guy, he also finds himself picking up tough spills that other paper towels just can seem to handle. He also starts getting really mean, which just isn't like him.
 

I SURE WOULDN'T AXE HIM WHAT'S WRONG. ZING!

All sorts of creepy things start happening to the family; the house starts screaming at people, chairs rock by themselves, blood drips from the walls, Margot Kidder gets naked... the tension is pretty much non-stop. 28 Days Later (very clever, Danny Boyle), the supernatural hi-jinks become too much for the family to bear, and they attempt to leave their dream home...

THIS LOOKS PERFECTLY NORMAL, SO WHY LEAVE THE HOUSE IMMEDIATELY?

Can the Lutz family ever hope to escape the Haunted House before they die? Does the dog get left behind? Does Barry Gibb sue James Brolin for hair-copyright infringement? I'll ruin nothing for you here, save to say that it certainly looks as if Barry Gibb has a solid case.

THE 70'S... WHEN A MAN'S HAIR MEANT SOMETHING.

This movie, although looking and feeling a bit dated, is an all-time classic. Whether or not you believe the claims that this is a true story (it's not), the atmosphere in this one is just downright creepy. If you don't get chills when the Demonic voice tells the priest "Get out!" then I don't know if there's anything that will ever scare you.

Haunted House flicks don't come much more effective than this.

EASY, MARGOT. YOU'RE OVER-ACTING.

Margot Kidder's acting. Also, swarming flies are gross. Also, what in the hell took them so long to leave?!?

HE SHOULD HAVE BLESSED THE HOUSE FROM THE OUTSIDE.

Just leave the damn dog behind and go!

THIS IS ONE GUY YOU DON'T WANT TO CROSS. ZING!

There's not a lot of blood or gore in this one, but there is at least a bunch of disturbing imagery throughout.

WAS IT ULCERATIVE COLITIS?

Margot Kidder gets semi-topless for about three seconds in this one.

WHAT'S WITH THE FLOWER?

Buying a home where multiple murders have taken place is seldom a wise investment, even if the price is right; if it sounds too good to be true, ghosts will surely try to kill you.

GHOST OR JAMES BROLIN... ONE OF THEM WILL TRY TO KILL YOU.

The Amityville Horror is a classic flick that needs to be seen by all who call themselves fans of Horror. As we mentioned before, it feels a bit dated in places, and it's lost a bit of its luster after three and a half decades, but it's still effective as hell in the creepy department.

A

The Amityville Horror is available now on Blu-ray, DVD, and VOD.

Once upon a time, Margot Kidder was pretty hot. True story.

What's new on VOD this week?

None of the movies hitting VOD this week look like they're going to be particularly great or anything, but as always, we're hoping that they turn out to be pleasant surprises. At the very least, they all have decent potential to be enjoyable.

We'll be watching them all, so we'll be sure to let you know how they turn out.

Alien Outpost: A documentary crew follows an elite unit of soldiers in the wake of an alien invasion.

Alien Outpost looks like it's going to be a cross between Restrepo and District 9. Is that a good thing? It well could be, but seeing as it's sitting at an abysmal 10% on Rotten Tomatoes, we're thinking that it won't be anywhere near as good as either of those films. The trailer looks alright to us, so we'll see it, we just won't be surprised if it ends up disappointing us.

Darker Than Night: Greta moves into her recently deceased aunt's mansion and starts throwing wild parties with her friends; however, what looks to be the best summer of their lives turns into a fight for their lives after Beker, her aunt's prized cat, drowns in the home's pool.

So is this movie about a ghost cat? I don't know, from that synopsis and trailer, it sure seems like it is. This one is a remake of a 1975 movie of the same title that people seem to hold in high regard, so maybe it'll be alright... We hope. It looks like it's full of hot chicks though, so that's something?

Suburban Gothic: Raymond has a prestigious MBA, but he can't find work. He can channel the paranormal, but chatting with a cute girl mystifies him. Kicked out of his big city apartment, Raymond returns home to his overbearing mother, ex-jock father, and beer-bellied classmates. But when a vengeful ghost terrorizes the small town, the city-boy recruits Becca, a bad-ass local bartender, to solve the mystery of the spirit threatening everyone's lives.

Suburban Gothic looks like it's going to be wacky and zany, so right of the bat it annoys us, but we thought that What We Do in the Shadows was going to annoy us too, and we ended up loving it. We're not sure that we can buy Matthew Gray Gubler as a leading man, but we love Kat Dennings, so maybe they'll balance each other out.

DVD Review: Amityville II: The Possession (1982)

(aka Demonic Incest.)
Release Date: September 24th, 1982.
Country: USA.
Rating: R.
Written by: Tommy Lee Wallace.
Directed by: Damiano Damiani.
Starring:Jack Magner, Diane Franklin, Burt Young, and James Olson.

This sequel to the 1979 Haunted House classic apparently took some liberties with its story telling, and was only loosely tied to its predecessor. At least it featured the adorable Diane Franklin; that made it way more watchable for us. Kinda.

*This review is a re-do of one we did back in 2008. It needed an update.

Finally, the story of the Defeo family is told... wait, it's the Montelli family? Well, at least the house is the same... hold on, the exterior is the same, but the interior looks way different in places. Alright, well the murders happen the same way as described in the original, and that's... no, that's different too. Whats in the hell is going on here??? this is a prequel, right?

"YOU EXPECTED THIS MOVIE TO MAKE SENSE?"

Paulie from the Rocky movies, plays the un-lovable and abusive husband of the Montelli clan; smacking the wife and kids around and demanding discipline! In a fun little coincidence, his creepy-ass son, Sonny, ends up smacking the whole family around with a shotgun, and demands death! It's all a really nice, completely accurate portrait of the American family.

THE ALL-AMERICAN KID.

Sonny has a hot jailbait sister, played hotly by the 80's-hot Diane Franklin, who is really hot (despite her eyebrows needing a good trim.) Speaking of trim, a now-possessed Sonny decides that he needs some trim, and so he sets about seducing his doting sister. Depending on which side of the Mason-Dixon Line you're on, this is either really nasty or super hot. I live in Georgia, so... Yeehaw!

I COULD EAT A PEACH APPLE FOR DAYS.

Later, Father Karras shows up, fresh off of his Exorcism in Georgetown gig, and the Direct-to-Video sequel to The Exorcist begins in earnest. No pea soup though. I won't ruin the ending for you here, but suffice it to say that by the end of the movie, we had kicked our TV screen. Twice.

YEAH, THAT'LL HELP.

All of its issues aside, Amityville II offers up some genuine moments of creepiness throughout. I personally remember this movie absolutely scaring the hell out of me when I was a kid, but it doesn't quite play that way anymore. It definitely still has its moments though.

80's QT supreme, Diane Franklin, is as much as we loved her in classic movies like The Last American Virgin and Better off Dead, we really wish that she had done more high profile movies after them. Temptress.

TEMPTRESS INDEED.

Though the movie is supposed to be set in 1974, it looks like Walkmans were invented early, and 80's cars already existed, because there they are, right on-screen. It's also obvious that the inside of the house was different in places, which irks us, because this movie is supposed to take place a year before the first one, and yet the house isn't the same.

Worst of all, it's a bit disconcerting how the movie seems to shamelessly rip-off The Exorcist too; not only because both movies have a showdown between a caring Priest and a possessed "child," but because they even did the old "Come into  me, and leave the kid alone!" bit. Sure, they did it all differently, but it absolutely smacked of the whole Father Karras/Regan MacNeil bit.

INCEST. NOT EVEN ONCE.

Brother/Sister sex. Does it get much creepier than that?

WE WATCHED THIS ENTIRE SCENE IN MORAL PROTEST. SIX TIMES.

This movie has far more disturbing images in it than it does any sort of blood and gore, but there's a little bit of that spread throughout.

LOOK, THERE'S SOME BLOOD.

There's one scene that shows Diane Franklin briefly naked, but most of it was done tastefully and teasingly. Now, the incestuous relationship between brother and sister... there was nothing subtle about that at all.

OH, THINGS GET NAKED ALRIGHT... NAKED AND CREEPY.

If you're going to make a sequel/prequel to a great movie, try not to crap all over its memory in the process.

THIS PICTURE SUMS UP THE WAY THAT WE FEEL ABOUT THIS MOVIE.

Amityville II: The Possession has some redeeming qualities, but overall, this movie is a mess: it's only loosely tied to the first movie; it makes use some obviously out of place items for its supposed time period; the ending devolves into some sort of an Exorcist ripoff, and it just isn't as scary as the first one was. It has its moments, but most of it is underwhelming.

C-

Amityville II: The Possession is available now on Blu-ray, DVD, and VOD.

If you were a kid in the 80's, then you know that Diane Franklin was all over the place for a brief while, and then she just kind of fade away. She'll always be one of our favorite crushes though.