The idea of doing a FF movie based around the Bigfoot mythos immediately feels like a misstep to us. Bigfoot is more of a joke than it is any sort of creepy Urban Legend, as evidenced by the humorous beef jerky commercials that involve people "messing" with the fabled beast. And as bottom of the barrel as most Reality TV Shows are, does it get any worse than a gang of "simple folk" running around the in the woods, legitimately searching for Bigfoot? They're not even doing it ironically. They're serious about this.
Willow Creek (our review HERE) handled the whole Bigfoot/Found Footage merger about as well as we could have hoped, but unfortunately, Exists is no Willow Creek. Given that Eduardo Sanchez helped give birth to the entire Found Footage conceit as we know it today with The Blair Witch Project, makes that fact even worse.
Exists centers around Brian; a wannabe YouTube star who figures that taking video of he and his friends jumping bikes into a lake seems like a good idea in his 30's. So he and his brother steal the keys to their Uncle's cabin (after they've been told to never, ever go there), rig their bikes and car with cameras galore, round up the DudeBro crew, and head out into the deep woods of East Texas. Because it's party time!
"BRO, I'M FILMING MYSELF FILMING YOU FILMING THINGS!" |
NO ONE IS EVER SAFE FROM SASQUATCH! |
Found Footage familiarity ensues.
ALWAYS WITH THE CREEPY EYE SHOTS! |
As with most movies that don't quite work for us, it's the script that is the culprit here. It offers little in the way of anything new or different, and its more-than-familiar elements just don't work all that well. Scenes that involve people shooting blindly into trees mid-freakout, or saying "Hello? Mr.Sasquatch? I just want to be friends!" come off as silly and distracting. It all just feels haphazard, and worst of all, the movie isn't all that scary. Intense at times, but not scary.
Maybe it's the fact that the characters are all idiots, that we didn't feel any fear whatsoever for them surviving the situation they found themselves in. We HAVE to like (or at least identify with) the characters in a movie if we're supposed to feel afraid for them. There's just no two ways about it. If we don't give a shit about them, like in Exists, then it becomes a thing of us hoping that they all die in creative ways, and nothing more.
...AND THEY DID. |
Horror movies in general are often nonsensical, predictable beasts; that's just how it goes. If the average Horror movie offers a creepy atmosphere or some genuine scares though, their sillier aspects can be put aside to a large extent; in those cases, the whole becomes greater than the sum of its parts, and an imperfect movie can end up being enjoyable. Scare us, gross us out, make us care... shit, make us cry... just do something to make us forget how stupid the set-up is, and how illogical and "asking for it" the characters are.
USING HER AS A HUMAN BIGFOOT SHIELD IS A SMART MOVE. |
Then again, maybe if he hadn't have been trying to use his cell phone while racing down the bumpy forest trail at break-neck speeds, he might have been able to steer himself to safety or something. Or maybe not. We digress.
SOME EXTREME BIKER HE IS. |
The Sasquatch looked pretty good too, although it really just felt like a mad gorilla chasing people down.
ALSO, MADISON DORA BURGE IS A TOTAL QT, SO, BONUS. |
Maybe at this point were just really tired of the same old Found Footage dreck. As relatively inexpensive as these types of movies are to make though, they are probably not going to go away anytime soon. If that's the case, can someone at least make one with an intelligent script that doesn't retread the same exact ground every single time?
We'd really like that.
NOT EVEN TWO HOTTIES ENGAGED IN FAUX LESBIAN SHENANIGANS COULD SAVE THIS ONE. |
Rent it if you like Found Footage movies, or if you love all things Bigfoot, but just be aware that there's not much about this one that feels very fresh or scary. Then again, we're a bit jaded.
D+
Exists is available now on VOD.
Dora Madison Burge and Denise Williamson are in this, both of whom had roles on the awesome NBC Show, Friday Night Lights. Texas Forever, ladies. Texas Forever.
Yeah, that was some lame Found Footage movie. I sure was WANTING them to die painfully, just to offer me some level of entertainment. No, not the ladies, they were pretty and way more likable than those guys. I mean, seriously, a man in his 30's should be a bit more intelligent than shown. I can buy a 20 something with bad ideas but if you are a full grown up man, you should have learned to use more than 2 brain cells. (Exception would be behaviour towards women. This could be too tricky for a man at all.)
ReplyDeleteWe have been disagreeing lately on movies, you being a more lenient grader than I would have been, but we are as one, 'bro', with this stinker. Lord, they were an annoying group!
ReplyDeleteNormally I am at least sympathetic to some pretty cast member; not this time. Mama Bigfoot's got a righteous cause - you go, girl. I was disappointed on how she handled the last one, the jerk who was responsible for the whole idiotic mess, hoping something memorably bloody would happen - nah. (What did happen to the poor uncle? Him I felt sorry for.). Like you I quickly figured out what, (who), they hit and I'm no Sherlock Holmes when it comes to things like this. Also, I generally dislike lots of blood and gore but this movie could have used more of that. In 'Willow Creek', while it took half the movie for something to happen, when it did, you had a had a darn good scary flick. In this one; totally agree with your grade. Mrs Bigfoot should have buried this footage.
If you havent seen Frankenstein theory....is a much better found footage.bye
ReplyDeleteUm, IDK, I disagree with everything you said, basically.
ReplyDeleteI'll agree that the kids were assholes, except for the one guy who was filming, but that is typical for this type of movie. I'll also agree that the first half of the movie was basically just a Bunch of unnerving sounds outside a cabin. BUT, once the guy goes out on his bike and is getting chased, that was some crazy shit.
Once the uncle arrives, that last last 15-20 minutes or so, it really was scary to watch.
The way the bodies were laid out. And that final scene, where you see the guys terrified face, and the Bigfoot behind him, deciding whether or not to let him go(which I think was to warn others to NEVER come back there)
OH, one more thing. I keep hearing this same thing over and over and over, about how a regular person would have stopped filming, and blah blah blah. Well that is crap, becuase obvious;y these people in these movies are not normal. They are obsessive with filming. Also many of the cameras were go-pros and were simply just filming regardless of whether the person was even aware of it anymore or not. Edwardo actually said in an interview before this movie went out on the festival circuit, about how the FF genre is waning due to people not beleiving that anybody would continue to film, and he gave the same answer that I have always held true. There are simply people out there that were born filmmakers. These are the kind of people that can't enjoy reality unless its through a lens. These are the people that go into war zones and film while real life bullets are wizing last their heads. You are telling me that they wouldn't film a Bigfoot if given the chance!?!? Come on man, you know I am right here.