July 30, 2011

Quick Review: Fertile Ground (2011)

"Uninteresting Ground..."

Is the After Dark Horrorfest losing its bite? Asking that implies that it ever had a grip to begin with, but after last years' solid line up, we had hope for its future...

Of this years entries that we've seen so far, we really liked Prowl, and Husk was decent, though it played like a Sci-Fi Channel movie for the most part. Now that we've seen Fertile Ground, we can honestly say that it plays like a like a Lifetime Channel movie of a week, just with some boobs and a little bit of blood.

Emily and Nate Weaver leave the city for the rural comfort of Nate's ancestral home in New Hampshire. There, isolated and haunted by inexplicable noises and horrifying visions, Emily learns she's pregnant while Nate is possessed by the homicidal spirit of his forbearers. In a house haunted by past victims, Emily learns that she's the latest target in a murderous tradition. 

Why are you on the roof?
It's a nice little film, it really is. It's well made, stars the sexy Leisha Hailey, and has a decent story... but as a Horror movie, it's just too bland and uneventful.

I mean the movie opens up with a shot of Leisha Hailey -and her amazingly amazing boobs- buck naked and rubbing herself in front of a mirror... how do you go wrong with that? Show her having a bloody miscarriage all over the floor, that's how. That will take the wind out of any sail.

Fertile Ground made us sad too, Leisha.
Add to that some old genre stand-by's such as; troubled couple moves to country to make a "fresh start"; the old home the move into has a "mysterious" and "troubled" past; odd things begin to happen, which all point to "creepiness"; our heroine has odd dreams which all point to "creepiness"; hubby slowly loses his mind and becomes increasingly mean and evil... oh, and don't forget the jump scares.

There's nothing original at all here, and worse than that is the fact that what is there isn't even compelling to watch. This honestly could be a movie on the Hallmark Channel (nudity aside, obviously), for all of it's Horror and Suspense.

Leisha Hailey really does give it a good go with her role, but she's working with very little here. Same with Gale Harold. Nice try, you two. We dig you.

Udderly beautiful.
Fertile Ground isn't atrocious, it's just nothing worth making an effort to see. Catch it when it hits Cable if you find yourself bored one afternoon, but other than that, give it a pass.

Unless you like Lifetime Channel movies. Then, watch it asap.


Leisha Hailey is a Hottie.

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