Quick review: Fading of the Cries (2011)

"WTF?!? LOL!"

Remember Goosebumps? Ever watch Are You Afraid of the Dark? Does the Disney Channel's Halloweentown give you chills? Well if you answered yes to any of those questions, then have we ever got a treat for you... and it's called Fading of the Cries!

This movie is pretty much an amalgamation of the three aforementioned Kiddie Shows, with a bunch of CGI blood and awful swordplay thrown in to make it "all grown up." Also, there's romance. And Brad Dourif. Also, unless you're 9, it pretty much sucks, and even the discerning 9-year-old might hate it.

It's obvious that the producers of this movie were going for a tween crowd-pleaser here, albeit a low budget one. They of course failed miserably.

The fading of our enjoyment.

The story revolves around a sassy teen girl who calls her Mom "Maggie," because she's a rebel (sound familiar?), who puts on a necklace left to her by her creepy loser Uncle, and releases a horde of Demonic creatures into the world (basically her neighborhood.) A brooding, shaggy-haired boy named Jacob (why not?) shows up to slice his way through 50 or so Demons with his handy Katana (held backwards for ease of use), and saves her ass.

This week on "Who Makes This Shit?"

They run around being chased by mobs of Demons, stopping every now and then so that Team Jacob can slash through a bunch of them, and then they keep running. They repeat that sequence over and over, until the movie ends. Somewhere in there is a story about something or other involving Brad Dourif as a Necromancer, but who cares.

Brad, Brad, Brad... what were you thinking?

Aside from Brad Dourif doing his creepy best to lend some legitimacy to the move by giving it his all, which he always seems to do, this one doesn't have much going for it that is good. The CGI, which is abundant to the tune of some 1100+ shots, is pretty poor and distracting. It's ambitious for a smaller movie to use so much fakery, and it does nothing for the it but make the whole thing feel washed out and cheap. I do have to say that some of the creatures look kinda neat. And when the Mom loses her face, that was cool.

The acting, save Dourif, is pretty sub-par too; the characters are thinner than onion skin, and the actors playing them aren't much better. Even the action scenes are cheesy, and I was kinda hoping that they'd at least be fun. Instead, they're blurry and comical. It really does feel like a made for kids, by the book, run-of-the mill TV show.

And what was with the kid screaming "The fading of your cries!" Forced and awkward. Blah.

She was a QT though...

I'm not really sure who would actually enjoy this movie, aside from a younger "Goosebump" type of crowd, but then again it isn't really meant for them. But it kinda is. See how confusing it sounds already? For those of you in NY and LA, save your money from this mess, and go see something like The Ledge this weekend instead. Trust us. Needless to say, this is a DO NOT WANT.

 

Crazy hot Hallee Hirsch is in this, and she brought along a few other Hotties for the hell of it.