DVD Review: Suck (2010)

"Stylish and fun, Suck does not suck at all... although is does fall a bit short of rockin' good time..."

Cast Members of Note- Jessica Pare, Malcolm McDowell, Nicole De Boer, Dave Foley, Iggy Pop, Alice Cooper, Henry Rollins, and Moby.

A lame Canadian rock band called The Winners -yes, that's actually their name- just can't seem to find a break in the music biz. Their songs are lame, they look lame, they're kinda geeky... and their only saving grace is the hot-ass bass player, Jennifer. That's why it's called Suck, because the band really sucks. Except for her. Also, it might be a subtle allusion to oral sex.

Suck, indeed.

Luckily for the band, Jennifer is a total whore and takes off one night with a feminine-looking guy, with hopes of getting filled out like a job application, only to be turned into a Vampire. I guess that's the price you pay in Canada for being slutty. She comes back to the band even hotter than before, but far too pale and desperately hungry for human blood. That's why it's called Suck, because that's how Vampires eat.

She's a messy eater.

As Jennifer turns each band member into a Vampire, they become more and more popular, eventually garnering themselves a record deal. Of course the price for their new found fame is leaving a trail of bodies along their tour route, which no one even seems to notice, so, moot point. The band even kills a DJ on air an no one says a word... which makes no sense, because their music still sucks, so why let them get away with murder? Why am I even asking about this? It's in the script. That's why it's called Suck, because the script kinda does.

Oh Henry, you so crazy!

From here on out it turns into a typical "Van Helsing descendant shows up to save the day" kind of flick. Yeah. Can the band kill the master Vampire, and escape their new found curse? Can Iggy Pop talk sense into Joey, the whiny lead singer? Will their music ever stop sucking? I don't know about any of that, but Alice Cooper looks pretty fucking awesome with black wings.

Cooper is God! Well, one of them anyway.

Suck is a fun movie. It could have been great, a Cult Classic even, but its lack of action and jumbled feel made it fall a bit short in the end. Some will still call it a Cult Classic, I'm sure, and I can see why they would, but Cult Classic is a heavy moniker to put on something that doesn't really live up to that kind of hype.

Suck is pretty sharp and interesting visually, although it never maintains the sharpness for too long, instead reverting to some cheesy camera editing tricks to add to the "creativity." We were fond of the use of color and tone, but not so fond of the whole bobble head/accelerated movement thing.

The cast is awesome, from Dave Foley to Malcolm McDowell, and Rock Gods Iggy Pop, Henry Rollins, Alice Copper... and Moby? I've never been a huge Moby fan, but I have to admit that he was pretty funny in this movie. If nothing else, it was fun to see the Rock Royalty acting all crazy throughout this one.

Tom Cruise?

Nothing really happened. I mean, there was a lot of singing, some good funny bits, some blood here and there, but the plot really didn't go anywhere. There is a plot, and it moves forward, but it doesn't ever seem to accomplish anything. It just felt flat and uneventful. Maybe it was because it never decided if it was more Comedy, Horror, or a Quirky Indie? Confused, we were.

Was it rape?

The super fast vibrating movement thing. Why do so many filmmakers feel the need to use that trick, amongst others, in their movies these days? This film was visually interesting enough and was more than a bit ruined for us by the more-than-occasional vibrating head or stuttered/quick-stop motion movement.

The whole "dark aura" thing worked pretty well though.

There is some blood and gore to be had here, though it's all given to us in a fairly tongue in cheek manner. Still, it's there.

This is the funniest guy in the movie.

Though the sexy Jessica Pare has been naked on film before, no such luck here. For shame. Same goes for the pixie-like Nicole De Boer. Methinks Canadian Filmmakers play it too safe!

ME-OW!

Canadian rock bands kinda suck. Not you though, Glass Tiger. We still haven't forgotten you, so long after you've been gone. Also, Alice Cooper is awesome. Ditto Henry Rollins and Iggy Pop.

Ditto Jessica Pare.

Suck didn't suck at all, and in many ways was an enjoyable (if flawed) viewing experience. The movie is definitely played for laughs more so than it is Horror, and it even delves into musical territory every so often, which wasn't all that painful to sit through... mostly. Stylish, fun, and amusing, Suck is definitely one to check out if you like your Horror a bit on the quirky side.

C+

Suck is available now on Blu-ray, DVD, and VOD.

Jessica Pare makes for a really sexy Vampire... next time though, be naked.