May 10, 2010

Review: Vertige (2010)
When I first saw the trailer for Vertige, I don't know why, but I somehow got it in my head that it would be like The Descent but on a mountaintop. I could swear I remember them getting to the top of an isolated mountain and finding some Descent-like creatures waiting for them, and having to fend them off. They so could have called it The Ascent to be clever... 

Anywho, I was wrong. Vertige (The Ascent) was about a group of smarmy French kids who drive to Croatia to climb a dangerous mountain, because they're idiots. Of course they can't just climb, have a laugh and go home... no. They have to enter the Forbidden Zone and take the climbing trail which was "closed for repairs," which of course lands them in all sorts of trouble, mostly involving some Mutoid Croatian Mountain Cannibal-guy, and of course, gravity. Murder ensues.

This movie had some stunning photography.
The first half of this movie was breathtaking, showing us all sorts of death-defying mountain climbing in a gorgeous locale, all with perfect scenery. Where the movie loses it, aside from the characters being morons, is once the "killer" shows up and starts picking them off, one by one. It has all been done before, and better, and just felt a bit uninspired. The killer himself looked a little too plain, which I guess is more realistic plot-wise, but it kinda sucked. There was some decent gore towards the end, but the best part of the movie was really everything to do with the climbing itself.

Gorgeousness and beautifulosity.
It wasn't bad, but I'm not sure I'd make the stretch and call it good. If you like the average Backwoods Cannibal stalk-n-slash flick, then you will most likely dig this movie. If you get tired of the same old thing, skip it. I also think that anyone who truly loves mountain climbing would loves this movie, especially in the early going. 

The first half of the movie and it's grand visuals, A
The second half of the movie and it's trite, overdone storyline, C- 

In parting, I have to say that Fanny Valette is pretty hot, aside from her name being Fanny. It would be perfect though, if her name was Fanny Melons. That's funny because she has a nice butt and boobs.


  1. In the uk, Fanny means pussy. Gets confusing when talking to you lot.
    a itchy fanny is just as dubious as a itchy arse. Tho the front bottom may mean its time to go to the clinic.

  2. Heheh, 'The Ascent'. That got a laugh from me. I wish they had done that. Sounds interesting though, might give it a shot.