January 11, 2010

Review: Triangle (2009)

In Attendance- Me, Machine, Karrie and Dave.
Cast Members of Note- Melissa George, Liam Hemsworth, Michael Dorman, Rachael Carpani and Emma Lung.

Mmmelissa George is a shitty mom who is more interested in going on party boats than she is in taking care of her special needs son. Then again she's hot, so certain things can be accepted and tolerated. Come on, hot moms that suck at being moms but have no problem partying, make the world go 'round. You have to admit it.

Boy that party looks real fun.
She and her friends hit the open seas for a day of drinking, sex and probably cocaine, but they run afoul of an "odd" weather system that lasts all of 2 seconds, and yet capsizes their boat, leaving them helpless. As luck would have it, and equally "odd" cruise ship comes alone and they jump aboard seeking refuge.

Oh now you wanna go back and be with your kid... sure.
As bad luck would have it, the ship is totally deserted save for a lone masked killer who is hell bent on killing anyone that sets foot aboard the U.S.S. Whatthefuck. It's a race against time (literally) for survival, as everybody on board and in the audience gets totally confused. Will Mmmellisa Goroge save the day? Will we ever find out what in the hell is going on? What in the hell just happened?

Wait... what?!?
From the director of Creep and Severance comes Triangle; a creepy, twisty little movie that showcases Mmmeslissa George in all of her pouty sexiness. Not only is she a sexy bitch, but she carries the movie, making us believe the whole "concerned mother" bit as well as kinda becoming a decent Final Girl. The best thing about Triangle is the fact that the twists and plot turns are actually pretty interesting, although in the end I REALLY wanted more of a resolution. I can't say too much about the plot or why I wanted more of my questions answered, because I'd spoil it for you, but all I wanted a payoff, and we never truly got one.

Shoot the ending, and then give us a new one!
The ocean creeps me out. I'm fascinated by massive waves (such as in movies like The Perfect Storm), and when the sailboat encounters rough seas, really rough seas, I totally puckered up. I don't mean my lips either.

The ocean terrifies her now, too.
Once again, Aussie Hottie Mmmelissa George fails to get naked and show us her "down under" or her "up top" for that matter. Do it while you're young baby. Do it because we, your fans, need to see your stuff!

Yeah, that stuff.
Multiple acts of shotgun violence, some impaling, and a pile of bodies. Literally. This one is about a medium on the gore scale.

Literal piles.
Nope. Of course not. Why would any Horror flick starring Mmmelissa George have any sex or nudity in it?!? ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!

Don;t hide from nudity, Mmmelissa.
If you ever capsize in the middle of the ocean, try swimming for shore and avoid the creepy cruise ship. Also, karma/fate truly is a bitch.

Nice view.
Triangle was a solid effort; engrossing, creepy (for a while), tense, and even a bit depressing. The twists and turns actually managed to hold my interest, which was surprising to me, as most "smart" Horror flicks end up being too smart for their own good. I'd have preferred it to be a bit more bloody and less "cerebral" if you will, and once again Mmmelissa George failed to get naked for us, but it's still more than worth a watch when you get the chance.


Triangle is available now on Blu-ray, DVD, and VOD.


More Mmmelissa George please. Preferably in some Horror flick that involves strippers or lesbians. Or both.


  1. Melissa's alleged hotness is kinda lost on me (although she does have nice legs), but I still really enjoyed this film. The way it has you rooting for her to kill her fellow shipmates toward the end of the film is definitely a clever mental trick to play on the audience. To me, the timey-wimey stuff wasn't the interesting part, it was the way in which her character devolved into the typical masked-slasher bad 'guy.'

  2. Hi man, I really enjoy reading your reviews, I am a horror fan as well. Regarding this movie, I really enjoyed watching Mmmmelisa George, but the story owes a little too much to the spanish thriller "Timecrimes" aka "Los cronocrímenes", which you should seek to see what I mean. Keep on the good work man. My name is Manuel by the way.

  3. Whoa, whoa, whoa. I almost read some fucking spoilers there from Purgawhat. Warning dude. Warning.

    But that Melissa bird. I don't like the mouth, but you can really see (in one of your pics) that she's got some honey in them tiddies.

    I like the way you joke ;)

  4. "She and her friends hit the open seas for a day of drinking, sex and probably cocaine"

    lol wut

  5. Arthur, don't ask. We tend to live to amuse ourselves :)