Review: Kill Theory (2010)

In Attendance- Me. Machine, Erin, and The VG.
Cast Members of Note- Agnes Bruckner, Taryn Manning, the "new to me" hotness of Ryanne Duzich, and Waingro himself, Kevin Gage!

A bunch of Yuppie Larvae head out into the woods (of course) to celebrate their impending College graduation, which involves beer, guns, slutty chicks in bikinis, sex and an oiled-up silk pillow case race through a pool of JELL-O... and also a creepy killer who wants them all to kill each other by 6 A.M.

Were I him, I'd kill her with my sex.

They are instructed to bump each other off or all be killed as punishment, and so they do. It's kind of sad to me that friends and lovers turn on each other when threatened with painful death; I mean, I'd kill all of my friends, slowly and painfully, but I'd be real sad about it. Or maybe not. Hell, it makes for a fun game I guess... Either way, betrayal and painful death ensue.

I won't spoil the ending for you here, but suffice it to say that the last person alive isn't who I thought it'd be, and the "twist" at the end was cool, without being too crazy unbelievable.

Who gave the dumb blonde the gun?!?

Finally, a stalk-and-slash movie that didn't leave me feeling just mostly satisfied, or vaguely pissed off. It was lean, mean, well-paced, well-written and the actors all did a great job. Oh, and it's a little bit messed up and bloody too. Did I mention that I thought the ending was perfect too?

This was just a well-made movie, with some hot chicks and some good kills, and I for one hope it gets a theatrical release before hitting DVD. I know it was made in 2007, and obviously went through some re-shoots, but this movie is so much better than most of the genre dreck that we tend get in Theaters... like The Spirit, Saw 53, Disaster Movie... are those all Lionsgate films? Oops.

Get on the damn stick, Lionsgate! Don't "Meat Train" this movie!

Hey Lionsgate, would you help us bury her like you bury all of your cool Horror movies? Thanks.

Am I crazy or did I not catch Carly Pope in this movie? This movie obviously underwent some pretty big re-shoots and endured a lot of trimming, but I wanna know what was cut and why! Like the different killer! The movie rocked with the changes that were made, but I'm just really curious to see the cut stuff.

*Addendum: Carly Pope was in a picture shown at the beginning of the movie. wow. 

Not in the movie, dammit!

Once again, the tight-bodied slutty chick denies the Token Fat Guy a piece of tail, just because he's geeky, socially awkward, and can only seem to generate chemistry with baked goods. Especially pie. It's discrimination I tell you!

They're all laughing at the idea that any of them would bang him.

Shovel violence, eye violence, some neato knife violence, man-bear trap violence... this movie has some pretty wicked and bloody kills!

We get one pair of boobs for a second of two, and Ryanne Duzich gets pretty skimpy too, though only teases us in the end.

That's the goosd stuff.

"Deep down, we're all killers" or "That's called closure."

Oh dude, I am sooo with you!

Women never forget once you've cheated... never! Also, don't trust your friends, they'll kill you if they can.

This is not the time for romance, dickhead.

Yes, I added two pluses to the grade; I need to see it again before I decide if it's classic enough for an A- grade, so for now, it's a B+, and then some.

This was a bad-ass little Survival/Slasher flick, that didn't make me scream at the screen 20 times... well, other than the occasional "show your boobs!" I don't know when it's coming out, either Theatrically or on DVD, but see it when it does.

B++

Kill Theory is available now on DVD and VOD.

Taryn Manning is in this, and she brought along some of her sexy friends too.