Quick Review: A Brush With Death (2007)

Let's count the ways this movie is a disaster, shall we?

First and foremost, the story makes no sense. It starts out with jeep full of marginally attractive (a few are hot), anorexic/bulimic-looking, utterly annoying girls pulling out of the driveway to go somewhere. Not sure where they're going (and neither are they), but I think they're cheerleaders. If they are, then they're cheerleaders of the rapidly-approaching-30 variety.

Anywho, they drive for about 3 minutes and the car dies. Along comes a creepy, rapey, lip-licking old pervert and his 'tarded sidekick, offering the girls some help, and a tongue bath.

Body shots with the cabana boy?

Cue the first flashback of many: The creepy old dude and his special needs employee are at some gas station, where they kill a guy and his knock his whore on her head, prop her up on a stool in the store room, and take 5000 pictures of her. That's the flashback. The first of many. There are also flash-forwards, and what I think may have been a dream sequence or two.

I'm glad this scene took 12 minutes, and accomplished nothing.

2 minutes after being back on the road, the girls arrive at the gorgeous mansion that they're staying at for the weekend, although we still have no clue as to why. At this point, we are giving the poor story and script a bit of a pass, because the T&A and gratuitous gore are on the way... unfortunately, neither thing ever arrives in this movie, which essentially renders the whole thing useless. Keep in mind that all the while, most of this hot action is seen through long shots, as if the camera man was told "stay 1500 feet away while you shoot, and don't you dare zoom in!" I'm guessing that was a valiant attempt to hide the fact that most of the dialogue was done in voice over. So on a technical level, the movie was a wreck too.

I mean, at one point, during a sorry scissor-kiss/leg wrestling scene, you can see one of the crew kneeling by the edge of the couch. Had there been tits, he would have been invisible to us.

"Let's just do this for 75 minutes, and call it a movie lol!"

The acting was abysmal too. Then again, the script was no better, so maybe at this point I'm just nitpicking. Then again, had I read someone else nitpicking this movie before I plopped down money to see it, I would have rented something else. I really have to start listening to my inner voice when it comes to these things. This isn't one of those movies that you can just let slide on a technical level because it delivers the visceral goods, because it doesn't. It doesn't deliver anything, except a feeling of sorrow that you rented the DVD.

Ugh.

Alright, we'd better not have to see any more crappy flicks for a while. We need to re-energize after this little marathon...