Blu-ray Review: The House by the Cemetery (1981)

(aka Creepy Bob.)
Release Date: March 1st, 1984.
Country: Italy.
Rating: NR.
Written by: Elisa Briganti and Lucio Fulci.
Directed by: Lucio Fulci.
Starring: Catriona MacColl, Paolo Malco, Ania Pieroni, Giovanni Frezza, Silvia Collatina, and Daniela Doria.

When talking about the films of Lucio Fulci, I think it's fair to say that most of them aren't very good, at least not in a conventional sense. Whether by design or not (most likely not), they tend to offer little in the way of sense or logic, instead focusing heavily on atmosphere and visceral terror to get their point across. Watching his work is almost like watching someone's fever dream come to life. That's really the beauty of Fulci films though, and because of that dynamic, they play like no other Horror movies do.

Whether that's a good or a bad thing is for you to decide. *Hint: It's a good thing. 

This is the story of Bob and Mae; two creepy little kids with horribly-dubbed voices, who are drawn together by the supernatural goings-on at a creepy manor house. Bob is a whiny freak who plays with dolls, and Mae is a little ghost girl who warns him that if he plays with dolls, he'll grow up gay. Bob doesn't care though. Bob's a rebel.

Q: YOU HAVE ONE BULLET,  WHICH ONE DO YOU KILL FIRST? A: YOURSELF.

Bob met Mae for the first time when he was looking at a picture of creepy old Oak Manor. In that picture, Mae was standing in the window, telling Bob not to come there. Through the picture. Nothing creepy about that. When Bob and his family coincidentally end up moving to Oak Manor, he's thrilled that he and Mae finally get to play together in the graveyard right outside, because there's nothing creepy about that either. Oak Manor has a murderous past, and a secret in the basement, so as creepy as Mae is, she's actually pretty cool for giving Bob the heads up to stay away.

HE'S IN THE BASEMENT.

Once they settle in, strange things begin to happen. They find a tombstone in the living room; and odd chick shows up and does little else than stare menacingly at everyone and clean up random blood stains; Bob's dad goes into the basement and is attacked by a bat. For seven minutes... and all the while there's an evil zombie Doctor thing that lives in the basement and wants to eat them. It's really clear from the start that not only is something terribly wrong within the walls of Oak Manor, but that its new residents are complete morons for not catching on.

Fucli-esque carnage ensues.

SHE SCREAMS A LOT IN THIS MOVIE.

Although not one of our favorite Fulci films, The House by the Cemetery is still a pretty enjoyable one. Like any Fulci film, this one is plagued by all sorts of issues with continuity and logic, but as fans of the man's work, we're not here for a deep, coherent story to begin with. No, we're here for the unsettling mood, the creepy atmosphere, the cheesy dubbing & dialogue, and above all else, the gore. The insane, visceral, nasty, copious amounts of gore.

As uneventful as this movie can be at times, it really made up for it when the kill scenes arrived. For some reason, those scenes felt like they went on for far longer than they should, and because of that, they were way more uncomfortable to watch. Even the ridiculous bat-attack scene (which had us laughing at its beginning) made us cringe by its end, because it was so graphic.

Here are a few other things that we liked, or that amused us about this movie:

• The dad's hair and beard were 80's majestic.
• The bat-attack scene was priceless.
• The kids in this movie were about as creepy as movie kids can be.
• Bob's hair.
• Bob sitting in the park playing with a doll illustrated the madness of this movie perfectly.
• The crazy amount of creepy, rapey looks that everyone exchanged, which were almost always accompanied by extreme close-ups of everyone's eyes. It kinda felt like a Mexican soap opera after a while.
• Daniela Doria's brief, yet fantastic, nude & death scenes.

FULCI SURE LIKED TO KILL DANIELA DORIA IN HORRIBLE WAYS.

The plot of this movie is even more silly and senseless than most Lucio Fulci efforts tend to be, and the editing doesn't help things very much.

• There's a tombstone in the middle of the living room, and the husband explains it away with "it gets cold here, so lots of people have tombs inside of their houses." What?!?
• There were many extreme close-ups of peoples eyes, but it got almost comical when in one scene there were multiple close-ups of multiple character's eyes, one right after another. 
• The characters called out names an awful lot in this one. Steve! Bob! Anne! Mom!
• The red herring factor was distracting. For the entire movie, it seemed as if the father and Anne were a part of the terrible things going on in the house, but then at the end, they were fighting for their lives like everyone else. 
• What was up with the creepy librarian dude? 
• Why did the mom find Anne cleaning up a huge mess of blood on the floor, and say absolutely nothing about it?
• Bob tells his mom that he saw his babysitter decapitated, and even though she's suddenly disappeared, mom dismissed it as his imagination.
• In this movie, when people scream, everyone else reacts to it by staring, calling out their name, or by moving very slowly to help them. 
• Why did no one kick or push Dr. Frankenfreud when he cornered them? He was slow, and certainly not very agile.
• And what was with that quote on the title card at the end? 

WHAT DOES THIS EVEN MEAN IN CONTEXT OF THIS MOVIE?!?

The dubbing in this movie is terrible, especially when it came to the kids, Bob and Mae. I don't know whose idea it was to use adults to dub the voices for the characters of two small children, but it was so bad that it brought way too much humor into scenes that were supposed to be terrifying.

Poor dubbing usually tends to add to the charm of old school Italian Horror movies, but in this case, it serves as more of a distraction than it does a fun quirk.

WE'RE PRETTY SURE THAT "PRECIOUS DANIEL DOUGLAS" ISN'T ALLOWED WITHIN 100 YARDS OF SCHOOLS OR PLAYGROUNDS. IF HE IS, HE SHOULDN'T BE.

The kills scenes in this movie are some of the best we've ever seen, mainly because Lucio Fulci has a habit of lingering on his FX shots, which takes their nastiness to a whole other level. The bat attack scene made us laugh at first, because it's so (unintentionally) funny, but it got nasty and bloody pretty quick. There were also two scenes where newly dead bodies were being dragged across the floor and into the basement, and the blood trail that they slowly left behind them, was for some reason, really gruesome to us.

It's understandable why The House by the Cemetery was labeled a Video Nasty back in the 80's. 

EATING LASAGNA DURING THIS SCENE WAS A BAD IDEA.

Fulci favorite Daniela Doria is topless for a few seconds, but that's it.

WHY DO THE NAKED ONES ALWAYS HAVE TO DIE?

Blue Undetground did a nice job with this transfer. It's really grainy in places (mainly in the brighter scenes), but the image quality is just about as crisp and clear as it can be, especially for an older movie like this. There is no surround sound option on this disc, but the mono track suffices nicely.

This disc also offers some fun supplements:

• Meet the Boyles (1080p, 14:12): Interviews with Stars Catriona MacColl and Paolo Malco.
• Children of the Night (1080p, 12:13): Interviews with Stars Giovanni Frezza and Silvia Collatina.
• Tales of Laura Gittleson (1080p, 8:51): Interview with Star Dagmar Lassander.
• My Time with Terror (1080p, 9:16): Interview with Star Carlo de Mejo.
• A Haunted House Story (1080p, 14:02): Interviews with Co-Writers Dardano Sacchetti and Elisa Briganti.
• To Build a Better Death Trap (1080p, 21:32): Interviews with Cinematographer Sergio Salvati, Special Make-up Effects Artist Maurizio Trani, Special Effects Artist Gino De Rossi, and Actor Diovanni De Nava.
• Deleted Scene (480p, 1:01): Bat Attack Aftermath.
• Trailers (1080p): International (3:24) and U.S. (1:48).
• TV Spot (480p, 0:32).
• Poster & Still Gallery (480p, 2:21).

The one thing that we didn't like about the disc was that switching between items on the menu was difficult at times. Not sure if that's because I'm partially colorblind or not, but it would be nice to see the highlight colors be a bit more distinct.

"WHAT IN THE HELL IS WITH YOUR VOICE, BOB?"

We give The House by the Cemetery a C+ instead of a B grade because it's an uneven film. When things are creepy and nasty, this movie is a kick-ass piece of work. But when it focuses more on its slow, nonsensical plot, it's more of an oddity than it is a good movie. Faults and all though, this movie is a fun ride, plain and simple.

C+

The House by the Cemetery is available now on Blu-ray, DVD, and VOD.

Catriona MacColl, Ania Pieroni, and Daniela Doria are in this.