April 25, 2015

The 10 Horror Cats have returned!

We're pretty sure that 90% of Horror movies are contractually obligated to have a cat in them, mainly for the purpose of the ever-famous "Mrrrrooowww!" Jump-Scare; you know the one where someone either opens a door/cabinet/box.etc, or is roaming around in a dark house asking "Hello? Is anybody there?," and then an asshole cat pops out and scares the shit out of them.

That's the famous "Mrrrrooowww!" Jump-Scare. Good times.

Sometimes they jump out and scare people, sometimes they stare and hiss, and sometimes they even maul people to death. Sometimes, they save lives. Sometimes, they just die.

No matter what role a cat plays in their Horror movie, we always remember them fondly... unless of course you hate cats, then you probably remember them un-fondly. Either way is fine with us, really.

So let's take a look at 10 more cats who made an impact on our Horror watching lives. *If you really love cats, then be sure to check out our previous installments of 10 Horror Cats Part 1, 10 Horror Cats Part 2, because they're full of cats too.

Stompy (The ABCs of Death)
We call this cute little guy Stompy because the poor thing  ends up getting stomped to death by some puta who is looking to pay her bills. I guess that getting a job would be way more difficult than doing cat-stomping fetish porn, but hey, I'm not a puta, so what do I know?

This is not the way that we wanted to start our list, but therein lies the danger of going alphabetically...

Read our review of The ABCs of Death here.

Silky (The Cat)
It's much easier to talk about or next cat, Silky. Silky is a good boy who does his best to keep the woman who rescued him alive, even though there's a cat-eyed ghost girl roaming around who just might want to kill her. None of the other cats in this movie, and there are a lot, seem to care either way.

Good boy, Silky. Good boy.

Becker (Darker Than Night)
A remake of 1975's Más Negro que la Noche, Darker Than Night is the story of Greta and her bimbo friends, who movie into a mansion bequeathed to her by her recently deceased Aunt. The only caveat to them living there is that they must care for her prized cat, Becker. Instead, they let him drown, which causes a whole lot of supernatural retribution.

All Becker wanted to do was be catered to like any prized cat would, but alas, he died painfully instead.

Blanche (Hausu)
Like most Japanese Horror films, Hausu makes very little sense. Honestly, this movie is INSANE, and it will leave you scratching your head. Why was Blanche the cat always lingering around when people died? I don't know, but when her eyes start to glow green, you'd better run and hope it misses you with its eye lasers.

Airborne (Sick Nurses)
Even in a movie called Sick Nurses, we're not sure what would possess someone to throw a poor little kitty across a room, for no other reason that their amusement. Later, after one of the nurses has their jaw ripped off, a cat comes along and eats her tongue. Was it Airborne? I can't remember, but it was a nice piece of feline revenge, none the less.

Read our review of Sick Nurses here.

Future Grant (Slither)
This little kitty got too close to what was left of the Grant Grant monster, which means that it will now become a new version of the Grant Grant monster. Too bad there won't ever be a sequel (because no one ever saw this awesome little flick), so we'll just have to imagine a gigantic mutated cat trying to eat the entire planet.

Read our review of Slither here.

Sacrifice (Splice)
Poor little Sacrifice was killed by the genetically mutated freak Dren, so that she would never again be manipulated by love, or something stupid like that. I guess that eating a cat is somehow far less emotionally damaging than loving it?

Coraggio (Spring)
Coraggio's appearance was short and sweet in Spring, but his panicked meows told us everything that we needed to know about the mutation and evolution of fruit trees... which was a metaphor for the rest of the movie. We think.

Read our review of Spring here.

Claude (Black Christmas)
This asshole house cat doesn't even care that he's licking a dead chick who is wrapped in plastic, because he's hungry and selfish. Worst of all is the fact that Billy just lets him do it. It did make for one hell of a creepy closing scene though.

Read our review of Black Christmas here.

Mr. Whiskers (The Voices)
This furry, foul-mouthed sociopath was the best part of The Voices. Watching Mr.Whiskers constantly urging Ryan Reynolds to kill a bunch of whores in that Scottish brogue was just crazy amusing. Of course it turns out that Ryan Reynolds' character in the movie is insane, and his cat isn't really taking to him at all, but that doesn't make it any less cool.

Read our review of The Voices here.

So there you have it; 10 cats that made the Horror movies they starred in all the more memorable. Shame that most of them are probably dead by now, but hey, we'll always have their memorable performances to hang on to. Right?

No comments :

Post a Comment