January 1, 2014

The Best Horror Movies of 2013

So we already know from our Middlin's and Worst of's, that You're Next, Contracted, Chucky, and Warm Bodies will not be included in our Best Of 2013. We haven't seen American Mary, Antiviral, Byzantium, The Battery, Resolution, The Seasoning House or Simon Killer, so they won't be included here either.

So what in the hell is left?

Plenty. There are plenty of great movies left.

3 remakes, 2 Documentaries, 2 x James Wan, 1 Hollywood Blockbuster, and 2 little flicks that most people probably don't even know exist...

Let's take a look, shall we?

Crystal Lake Memories: The Complete History of Friday the 13th
A Direct-to-Video Documentary making our Best Of 2013 list, what madness is this? Clocking in at nearly 7 Hours, this exhaustive retrospective of the Friday the 13th Series is about as perfect as a document of its type can hope to be. If you love Jason and his exploits, or even if you don't, watching the cast & crew from all 12 of the F13th movies (and even the TV Show) share their experiences with us, is nothing short of Heavenly. This is absolutely one of the coolest Blu-rays that we've ever bought, and one of the biggest highlights of the year for us.

Our Review of Crystal Lake Memories.

Evil Dead
If you would have told me last year that this remake of the beloved 1981 Horror classic would be one of our favorite flicks of the year, I would have slapped you in the mouth. Turns out I would have had to profusely apologize for that slap, because Evil Dead was absolutely one of the most enjoyable Horror flicks of the year. It's bloody, nasty, and it even manages to be creepy at times. Trust us, we're as surprised as you to find that we really liked this one, let alone that we found it to be one of the best movies of 2013.

Our Review of Evil Dead.

Insidious: Chapter 2
Better than the first one, and effective as hell, Insidious 2 was a big surprise for us. We liked James Wan's first Insidious effort (though we did have some issue with it), but with his sequel he's improved on the formula and given us a far more engrossing and satisfying film. $160 million worldwide on a $5 million budget; numbers like that speak a lot to a filmmakers talent and ability. James Wan knows how to scare us, kids, and this year he did it better than just about anybody else.

 Our Review of Insidious: Chapter 2.
The Conjuring
That doll. That fucking doll. I know the doll isn't the point of the movie at all, but still it haunts our dreams. The Conjuring isn't the most terrifying movie ever made (as it, and many of its fans, would have you believe), but it is an extremely well made move that delivers the right amount of scares to compliment the fantastic atmosphere and mood that James Wan has set for us. The film has raked in over $316 million at the worldwide Box Office, so you know there's going to be a sequel... or three. Fine with us. The world of The Conjuring is a place we'd gladly revisit.

 Our Review of The Conjuring.

Who would have though that little Frobo Bagglins (you know, the Hobbit) would ever grow up to be an insane creeper who stalks sluts and scalps them, all because his dead whore Mother wills it so? Was she a Hobbit too? I don't know about all of that, but I do know that Maniac is a disturbing, bloody, different kind of flick, that sticks to Horror convention while managing to forge its own path at the same time. We regret that the classic "Shotgun Scene" from the original wasn't included in this version, but minor gripes aside, this was one satisfying remake. Elijah Wood is so good in this movie, that you'll never look at little Frobo the same way again. *Unless you already found him creepy and odd, then, you'll look at him in pretty much the same way.

Our Review of Maniac.

Blind Alley
The reason that Blind Alley made our Best of 2013 list isn't necessarily because it was a better movie than many of the great flicks that didn't make the cut, but because it reminded us of a better time. Sure, it's not perfect, and you could easily dismiss some of it as being outright silly, but we're pretty sure that was the whole point; this film is, after all, one big homage to the crazy Euro-Horror flicks of the 70's & 80's. It's crazy, bloody, and has a pretty "out there" finale that will leave you asking just where in the hell that insanity came from... just like so many of our most beloved foreign Horror flicks of decades gone by. We just really love this little flick because it made us feel good. Also, did we mention how insanely hot Ana de Armas is in this movie? Because she is. That helped a lot too.

Our Review of Blind Alley.

Dark Touch
Dark Touch is a powerful meditation on the evils of child abuse, and the devastating effects that such acts can have on children... all taken to a horrifying extreme. The movie unsettled us with its dark mood, quiet atmosphere, and violent goings-on, but it really hit us the hardest with its subtext. Missy Keating (daughter of singer Ronan Keating) was great in the role of a troubled girl who uses her dark gifts to lash out at those around her whom she perceives as threats. Dark Touch left its dark impression on us long after the last of its credits had rolled, and it's one movie that we won't soon forget.

We have not yet reviewed Dark Touch.

We've said it before, and we will say it again: we're absolute suckers for movies about Cops hunting down Serial Killers. Prisoners is a top-notch movie of the highest order, pitting Jake Gyllenhaal (the Cop) against not only a distraught and vengeful father (Hugh Jackman) who is trying to come to grips with his young daughter being kidnapped, but the Serial Killer who abducted her. This film is gorgeous and filled with uneasy tension, and we were surprised to see just how far it delved into the taboo world of torture. Easily one of the best movies of the year, in any Genre.

Our Review of Prisoners.

Room 237
Another Documentary? What is wrong with us? What's wrong is that much like Crystal Lake Memories before it, Room 237 is just too good for Horror fans to ignore. Room 237 is a look at Stanley Kubrick's oft maligned Horror masterpiece, The Shining. This Doc peels back the layers of the 1980 movie to reveal hidden messages, subtext, plots, meanings, and conspiracy theories... it's pretty bat-shit crazy stuff. The craziest part of the whole thing is just how absolutely plausible some of it feels, because none of it should be plausible at all. Love The Shining or hate it, you will never see it in the same light again after watching this insane Documentary. This is truly compelling stuff.

Our Review of Room 237.

We Are What We Are
As a remake, We Are What We Are floored us with just how solid it was, and in all honesty, we may even like this version better than the 2010 Mexican original. *We say maybe, because we haven't decided that yet. We Are What We Are tells the story of an odd family that has some disturbing customs and practices, the likes of which made us not want to eat meat for a few days after watching this movie. It's a Gothic Horror story that keeps itself on the slow boil, building its impending sense of doom little by little, and then unleashes an ending that left us feeling worn and in need of recovery. Well, maybe it wasn't all all that dramatic at the end, but it was impressive and effective, none the less.

We have not yet reviewed We Are What We Are.
Some of the following Honorable Mentions could have easily been at the top of our Best of 2013 list, and just because they're runners-up doesn't mean that they aren't great flicks in their own right. They're at least really good. At very least, they're good. Most of them are pretty good.

Gah, you get the point!

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The ABC's of Death was an entertaining, if uneven affair.

Even though Mandy Lane was made way back in 2007, it gets a shout out here because it finally made it to an actual release. It's a solid little teen Slasher flick.

Children... is an older release from 2011 that we just discovered this year, so we felt compelled to give it a shout out here as well. It's a hauntingly eerie Korean Thriller akin to movies like Memories of Murder, that will play your emotions and mess with your head. You'll have to go the foreign DVD route of you want to see this one, but it's definitely worth the effort.

The Frankenstein Theory was one of the better Found Footage flicks that we've seen in a while.

Hatchet III was solid, and our favorite entry in the series.

THIC: Ghosts of Georgia was better than it had any right to be, and we found ourselves liking it way more than we should have.

Here Comes the Devil was an odd, cheap-looking movie that gripped us tight and held us in suspense until the credits rolled. The ending was a bit of a WTF type of moment, but overall, it was a solid watch.

Jug Face was interesting and fresh enough to earn our love and admiration.

If the ending of Mama hadn't turned into some butterfly-filled hug fest, it would have easily made the top of our list. It was a really great movie with a shit ending.

Stoker was really good, but it seemed to be this year's "it movie" amongst hipsters, whom enjoyed it far more than we did.

As much as we were waiting to utterly hate World War Z, we found ourselves enjoying the hell out of it instead. Much like Pacific Rim, WWZ was met with much negativity, most of which we just do not get. This was a fun Zombie Apocalypse movie. Period.

We found Would You Rather? to be a clever movie, and we'd rather watch it than most of the other Horror flicks that came out this year. Look at that, we're clever too!

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There were some truly great Non-Genre flicks that saw release in 2013, and some of them actually surprised the hell out of us. *We're mainly talking about The Hobbit here, because the first Hobbit flick sucked, and we quite liked the new one.

For the record: None of the following movies are Horror flicks. I've seen some of these movies land on a few different Horror sites' "Best of" lists, and it perplexed me... mainly because as a site that caters to all things Horror, it's pretty fucking lazy to pawn off flicks like This is the End or Gravity as one of your 10 best of the year. Both are great flicks, but are you telling me that you can't highlight 10 actual Horror movies as your Best/Worst of the year, when the entire focus and purpose of your Website's existence is to celebrate and promote the Horror genre?

That is some truly weak shit.

Fast 6 was fun and exciting. The entire Fast & Furious Series is not meant to be taken all that seriously, so we can forgive it for being as dumb as it is at times, because it has entertained the hell out of us over the years. Sometimes, fun is better.

Gravity was an intense thrill ride that we loved, though it's sure to get far more Oscar love than it should come March 5th.

We hated The Hobbit when we saw it last year. Where we found the LOTR flicks to be near perfect in most ways, we found Jackson's first Hobbit flick to be silly, over-long, and instantly forgettable... and then we saw The Desolation of Smaug. Aside from the ridiculously awful "barrel ride" sequence, DOS was a vast improvement over the first movie, and we thoroughly enjoyed the shit out of it. We're actually excited to see the third one now.

Catching Fire was better than The Hunger Games, and we absolutely loved the first one.

We really liked Kick-Ass 2 despite it being a bit lackluster, and nowhere near as clever and fresh as the first movie.We can't rationally explain it, we just liked this one a lot.

Superheroes had a big year, with Man of Steel, Wolverine, and Thor each giving us different levels of enjoyment, in very different ways.

Mud is a s far outside of the "Genre" fold as we're going with this list, but we just had to mention it. It's a drama, but it engaged us just as much as any Thriller did this year. He won't get it, but Matthew McConuaghey deserves and Oscar nom for this movie, because both he and it were simply phenomenal.

Pacific Rim pretty much bombed at the Box Office, but that doesn't mean it wasn't one hell of a fun movie to experience. As giant robot movies go, this one is probably our fave.

Finally we have This is the End; the Global Apocalypse movie that was funnier and more enjoyable than most other comedies that came out in 2013. It's truly a unique movie, and definitely one of our faves of the year.

So there you have it. 2013 is all finished, and these are the best Horror & Genre flicks that it had to offer us ( subjectively of course.) Seek them out, watch them, and be better off for it.

Let's hope that 2014 can be an ever better year for we fans of filmed entertainment.


  1. There are a number of films in this list I have to check out now, including Prisoners and Blind Alley.
    But if they cime out with Insidious 3 I will skip it. I found the first two underwhelming - a decent idea with good actors that was executed poorly.

  2. Thanks for the reviews of the movies. I'm not some big fan of horror movies but i will watch same of this movies. Thanks.

  3. If you want people to take your reviews seriously, make sure you don't have stupid spelling errors such as "Frobo Bagglins" (you know, The Hobbit). No I don't know, but I do know Frodo Baggins! If you're going to pride yourself on movies, then there shouldn't be mistakes like that. You quickly lost me and I bet a bunch of other people from using this source. There are too many stupid mistakes, such as "pitting" instead of putting. It looks unprofessional and seems unreliable. I don't know how many people agree with me, but I will not be visiting this site again.

  4. We are truly sorry that we misspelled Frondo Braggins. We have no clue how that happened.

    Also, "pitting" people against each other is the correct term, not "putting." It does have a nice ring to it though, even though it's incorrect.

    You've given us a lot to think about here.

  5. lmao dude this is actually a pretty sweet site. Definitely bookmarked so i'm looking forward to some more reviews. Keep it up guys, girls, wtf ever. Yall peeps seem legit. Shit, 2 LEGIT... maybe... 2 LEGIT TO QUIT... alright i'm going to bed.

  6. You, sir, get special props for throwing an MC Hammer reference at us... and thanks.

  7. Awesome horror movie collection. I have ever watched all these movies. I love to watch horror movies. Keep Posting.