May 23, 2011

Review: Drive Angry 3D (2011)
For the most part, you either like Nicholas Cage, and the shitty movies he tends to star in, or you don't. For every Kick Ass there's a Season of the Witch. For every Lord of War, a Wicker Man. For every Weather Man, a Ghost Rider. There's no clean win with Nic Cage. His every move is a gamble for his fans.

We here at THC love him, mostly, though we can't say why. Much like Bruce Willis, he's just kinda Nic Cage in every movie he's in. In decent movies, it's awesome, as he plays the tough guy so well. In the suck-jobs though, it makes you feel sad for him, because he's just so likable that you hate to jeer the guy.

Look through his IMDB page and try not to cringe. Really, for every decent/good flick he makes, 3 shitty ones tend to follow suit.

You know it's the truth, Nic. Now put the gun down!
Drive Angry, his latest, is a flawed movie. One could even say it borders on being bad, but those that would say such a thing are missing the point of it all. It's a Comic Book flick (in tone, at least.) It's an exploitational, Grindhouse throwback. A shameless action piece of B-movie badness, that manages to feel like it belongs in the 70's amidst all of the other "road revenge" flicks of that time, but still manages to feel fresh. Leave all talk of plot holes and reality checks at the door, folks, because they have no place here.

I'm pretty sure that this is how most porno movies begin...
Drive Angry is the story of John Milton (how many younger viewers will miss that not-so-subtle reference?), who escapes from Hell to save his infant Grandchild from a Satanic Cult that wants to sacrifice her. He meets a Whiskey-Tango, whorish Amber Heard, and they team up to spit cheesy one liners back and forth, and kill people. And it's great. Also, there's an awesome "Holy Gun" that Milton stole from Satan, which we wished had more than 3 damned bullets in it!

He looks angry enough to drive, that's for sure, but is he angry enough to drive in 3D? Hmm?
William Fichtner as The Accountant made the movie for us. Fichtner has always been an excellent character actor, and here he's just devilishly (ha!) fun as Satan's right-hand-man, sent to bring the rebellious Milton back to Hell. He's kinda like Christopher Walken's "Gabriel" in this, acting all cool and bad-ass, and delivering some great one-liners like "If by "forever" you mean the next 5 seconds, you're absolutely right." Great stuff.

If you've ever wanted proof that Satan was secretly affiliated with the U.S. Government, here it is!
Also of note is a cameo by Charlotte Ross, who gets buck naked and buck wild with Nic Cage. She's been a Hottie since her NYPD Blue days, and since Amber Heard is a prude and doesn't get naked in this movie, she deserves a special nod. That being said, Amber Heard is always hot to behold, and she rocks in this movie. The tough girl thing suits her well. Maybe now that she's a lesbian, she's likes to fight more? We got your back, Amber. And your front too.

Built for sin. Literally.
If you like your movies fast and fun, and prefer an action-packed good time rather than your average thinking man's movie, than Drive Angry 3D is the one for you. We need a movie like this every now and then, to lighten up the dreary, morose pace that we Horror fans tend to set for ourselves. There's no shame in having some simple fun, now is there? Check it out on DVD and Blu-ray on May 31st.


Before we go, here are the sluts girls of Drive Angry 3D. You're welcome.


  1. Shame this didn't do better as it was a lot of fun!

    Fichtner is awesome!

  2. For sure, Anon. Fun as hell, and Fichtner was absolutely awesome :)

  3. The director/writer combo of Patrick Lussier and Todd Farmer I really like. Their films have a certain look that just resonates with me. I also thought My Bloody Valentine remake was great.

    I'm hoping the rumoured Halloween remake comes to be as with their style it's a lock that it will be awesome!