Review: And Soon the Darkness (2010)

"And soon, the boredom..."

This is the kind of movie that really bums me out to have to dislike. As a fan of both Amber Heard and Karl Urban, it sucks that I have to diss their work here, especially since this movie marks Amber Heard's first gig as a Producer.

After seeing this lame-fest though, it might just be her last. *Who am I kidding, this is Hollywood. No it won't.

The story is more than familiar, it's full of the usual cliches and pitfalls, and a bunch of horrible plot devices are really all that drives it forward. Stay with me here...

Two Super Hot American hot chicks who are hot, go biking through the isolated Argentinian Countryside in search of... who knows. They separate from their briefly mentioned "bike tour" for God knows what reason, and rent a room in some small town, for again, some unknown (and I'm sure, ridiculous) reason.

One of them is a smart, responsible girl, and the other is a loud-mouthed slut. The slut (the poor man's Megan Fox, Odette Yustman) says and does some wild things, insults the locals, and shows poor manners... all of which serves to do nothing but invite a bunch of trouble their way. The chaste good girl (Amber Heard) tries to keep her wild friend under control, but fails.

Then again, she's pretty much an enabler, so...

After a drunken night of danger and debauchery, they miss their early morning bus (to where, we're not certain, since they're on bikes), and they decide to go sunbathe somewhere in the deep, isolated countryside. Alone. Makes perfect sense to us.

Long story short, the two separate, the slut goes missing, and the good girl runs around acting foolish in an effort to find her.

You couldn't just go for a bike ride in Kansas?

From this point on, the movie is just about flimsy characters making poor decision after poor decision, and battling a bunch of cliches along the way; shady locals, even shadier Policia, evil Gringo-hating Latinos, the "is he good or bad" red herring guy... It's a lot like Turistas or The Ruins, but not as good.

One of the things that always drives me insane in these types of movies, are the moronic characters that always seem to do the most moronic things at every frigging turn; screaming when they should shut up, antagonizing creepy locals, leaving friends alone in the rapey forest of a foreign country, making no effort to think things through and be smart about their actions... all plot devices, and all equally frustrating.

That's what you get, dummy!

How can you pull for characters like that? Karl Urban comes off as gimpy in this movie, which is a shame because the guy has played some great roles in some great movies. Amber Heard is hell-and-gone from her awesome work in All the Boys Love Mandy Lane here as well, which is odd to me, because she tends to pick challenging roles that at least push her and make her take chances. As for Odette Yustman... well her best work is still in The Unborn. Yeah.

Don't worry, Argentina isn't crying for you.

For me, this movie is a D, because it's just so frustratingly cliche and pointless. That's not to say that it sucks horribly, or that others won't like it, but honestly it's just totally unremarkable... even though I just remarked a bunch about it, but you know, whatever. It's a nice looking movie, but the substance just isn't there.

D

At least we got to stare at two hot chicks for a while?