November 16, 2009

Quick Review: Jennifer's Body (2009)
All in all, this wasn't a totally horrendous movie; it looked good, Megan Fox and Amanda Seyfried looked GOOD-GOOD, it even had a very nice lesbian kiss & grope scene between the two lead Hotties... in the end though, this movie was truly doomed by the awful writing of Diablo Colby, or whatever her name is.

Devil Coby's writing (mostly when it comes to dialogue and monologue) is so callow, annoying, putrid, and painful to listen to, that I have no choice to assume that she's decided to use her writing to spark trendy new buzz-words and phrases, with just about every other line.

Does no one have the courage to tell Devil Coby that no one talks like that unless they're 14-years-old or mentally slow? By trying to show how hip and "in touch" she is with the Tween world, she proves just how much she really isn't.

What the fuck are you smiling at?

Here are a few examples of her horrendous dialogue:
  • "I need you hopeless." (What? Who the fuck says that?)
  • "You need a mani-pedi bad. You should find a Chinese chick to buff your situation." (Maybe the perfect example of Cody's suck.)
  • *Pointing at boobs* "These are like smart bombs, you point them in the right direction and shit gets real." (Do kids who talk like this really not know how lame they sound?)
  • "I just got Aquamarine on DVD. It's about a girl who's, like, half sushi. She must have had sex with a blowhole or something." (What does this even mean?)
  • [Having been stabbed in the stomach and bleeding profusely] "Got a tampon?" (Oh, that's funny. I get it.) 
  • "You're totally lesbi-gay." (Stop making up words and phrases! Right now!)

It's really better to mute the movie and just watch it and try to guess what's happening, rather than suffer through the trendy crap that Coby's characters spew. The story itself was cheesy and predictable, but at least the actors made it far more interesting than it should have been. Yes, even Megan Fox, and we all know she can't act her way out of a dirty hamper.

This scene was pretty good at least.
Again, unless you're a Teen who hasn't developed taste yet, or a mentally-challenged adult, skip this one when it hits DVD. You won't be missing a thing. Except the kissing scene, which was seriously fantastic.

This movie sucked, but at lest Amanda Seyfried and Megan Fox looked good. That's something.

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