May 18, 2009

DVD Review: Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus (2009)

Fine, maybe it's not really horror, but this genre movie was just begging to be reviewed none the less...
Leave it to the U.S. Government to mess up the tranquility of the Alaskan Wilderness and unleash upon the world both a Mega Shark and a Giant Octopus from their deep frozen slumber. At least renegade scientist Debbie Gibson is... Whale pod attack! Thank god Debbie Gibson is not only a brilliant scientist, but an accomplished whale fighter as well! An acoustic rendition of "Shake Your Love" sent them scurrying... but why were the normally docile whales all riled up? 

Oil Rig grapple-attack! That Giant Puss is pissed off! (Due to budgetary constraints, the attack is more "implied" than it is "shown.")

In one of the greatest scenes ever put to film, Giant Shark takes down a jet plane in mid-flight! He doesn't stop there either; he makes quick work of a U.S. Navy Battleship too. Giant Puss is being naughty at the same time, taking out fighter planes and doing other Giant Puss-like things. Will the madness ever end?

There are not enough words...
Only Debbie Gibson and her crack team of scientists can stop the rampaging beasts... and that of course includes Lorenzo Lamas. I won't spoil what comes next other than to say Mega Shark and Giant Octopus don't vs. each other until the last 10 minutes of the movie.

"I eat your Golden Gate! I eat it up!"
The Asylum strikes again! The masters of cheesy rip-off cinema make a pretty bad, yet fun "Event Movie" here, which is of total guilty pleasure caliber. Understand that the reason it's enjoyable at all is because it's so bad and cheesy; the acting is poor, the script is laughable, and they don't actually show the massive title beasts very much, but it's kitschy fun. The best thing about this movie is as ridiculous as it is, you can tell that everyone involved was having a hell of a lot of fun and really giving it everything they had, from director to actors.

Mega-Giant Shark-Puss!
Really, Debbie Gibson as a world-saving scientist? I mean, she can drive subs, punch tough (sic) Navy sailors out, analyze 18 million-year-old teeth with a laptop, mix up some glowing pheromone potions... the only part of her character that I truly bought was when she randomly slept with the Asian guy. I know she's done that before on tour... I just know it!

Little do Tiffany and Samantha Fox know that D-Gib is concocting their liquid doom!
If this movie had a little bit more of a budget for effects, it would have been epic; other than at the end, they barely even showed the major action set-pieces on screen!

"Those whores are finished!"
Not so much.

Debbie Gibson jumps into bed with the first Asian scientist she sees, but alas, no boobs are to be had.

Lose the shirt Debbie, and then sing "Only in my Dreams." Please?
"It rises!" or "Jesus Christ, he's comin' faster than a jet!" Stop stealing my ex-girlfriend's lines, Lorenzo!

Debbie Gibson can act just about as well as she can sing... I'll leave it to you to decipher exactly what I mean by that. Also, Lorenzo Lamas is a man's man.

She's trying to act! LOL
Would I buy it? No? Would I watch it with some friends and a bunch of beer, and possibly some Jager shots? Yes. It's bad-goodness personified, and if you're looking to just have some good fun, give this disc a spin.

Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus is available now on Blu-ray and DVD.

Maybe I do have some Debbie Gibson MP3's on my computer, and maybe I don't. 


  1. Schlocky fun, and Debbie wasn't THAT bad.

    - Zac

  2. what do you mean it's not horror? it looks terrifying! ;)

  3. lol. The bit in the plane was my fave. My friends and I burst out laughing at the guy who's like "Holy Shit!"

    The bits where they kept repeating the footage was annoying for me. My brain was like "We just saw this!"

    And that upward shot of the military guy with the shades and the gun... did they really need to show it 3 separate times? lol... Couldn't they have filmed him doing some thing else?