June 8, 2008

DVD Review: Wrong Turn (2003)

Sub-Genre- Survival/Backwoods inbred hillbilly 
In Attendance- Me, Geo, Machine, Michelle, Marlin, Little G.

This movie is all about stupidity; traveling through the mountains of West Virginia? The highway is blocked for miles and you're late for an interview, you say? No problem, just travel the back roads and look for a shortcut. Good plan. Don't mind the creepy old gap-toothed local when he tells you "best not to go messin' 'round on folks land." He's obviously just senile, or maybe a lil' 'tarded.

And horny. He's probably really horny.
Of course, while looking for a shortcut, the local inbred sociopaths lay booby-traps and you crash into a car of another group of dumb asses who are nothing more than hick-bait now too. The only logical thing for any of you to do, is venture into the woods and look for help. Sigh. Thank god, you found a cabin! Crap, no one is home... why not just go in? Mountain folk don't mind when strangers go poking around their land and break into their houses. Do it. Go ahead. Just don't look in the fridge...

And she was so hot too...
When the retarded cousin-fuckers get home and find them darned kids a-hidin' in thar house, all hell breaks loose, and the chase is on. Will they make it out of the holler alive? Will inbreeding ever produce anything but creepy mongoloid rapists? Will the kids escape, and learn their lesson? I won't give anything else away here, but suffice it to say everyone is pretty much screwed.

No shit.
The whole "dumb kids getting themselves killed because they're dumb" thing aside, Wrong Turn is a pretty damn good Horror flick. It's well shot, well acted, and has enough tension and blood to make even me smile. It's nice to see a Horror flick be mean spirited these days, and still have some substance at the same time. Wrong Turn isn't breaking any ground here, but it definitely holds its own. Jeremy Sisto does his usual thing here, and if you're a fan of his, he doesn't disappoint. Did I mention that Elisha Dushku, Emmanuelle Chriqui, and Lindy Booth are all hot as hell in this?

She looks good dying.
This movie paints the people of West Virginia in a terrible light... or a completely accurate one, depending on how you look at it.

He votes Republican.
No nudity. Seriously, some boobs, maybe a little ass, and this one is easily an A... Some hot teen lesbian kissing, and it's an A+ for sure!

"If you guys make out, the mongoloids will leave us alone!"
This one is full of blood and gore; arrows in eyes, axes to mouths (sometimes, it's ok to go axe to mouth), razor wire to faces... If your blood lust isn't satiated by this movie, you may have some deeper issues.

That'll teach you to smoke weed and have sex in a Horror movie!

So much potential...
You're best to not go messin' with hillbillies... iffin ya know what's good fer ya.

Mongoloid cat-calls?
If you like backwoods stalk-and-slash flicks, then you absolutely have to have Wrong Turn in your Horror collection. It's a good one to whip out every now and then, especially before your big summer camping trip. This is one of the better Horror flicks of the 2000's.


Wrong Turn is available now on Blu-ray, DVD, and VOD.


Elisha Dushku, Emmanuelle Chriqui, and Lindy Booth, the dirty girls of Wrong Turn.