June 27, 2008

Solo Review: Severance (2006)

For those of you that thought this movie was going to be about actress Joan Severance, like I did, you're about to be disappointed. The woman has been naked in 5,233 movies, give or take, and I was all set for a retrospective of her nudity and sexual acts, but no... she's nowhere to be seen in this one!

Sorry, Joan. We'll always have Lake Consequence.
Luckily, this movie was good enough to make me forget how upset I was: A bunch of Brit businessmen (and chicks) head into the Hungarian mountains for a team-building weekend (wow, now that's a motivational tool worth never exploring), and they all get their asses kicked by the locals. Needless to say, that Hungary has it's share of inbred mountain folk just like the deep south does here in the U.S.A., although their version is a tad more militant and they carry fully automatic weapons and flamethrowers; also, they're vengeful Russians. The cold war never really ended, did it!?!?!

Perestroika my ass!
So the creepy Russian ex-militants let loose the dogs of war: they send a highly trained attack spider to wreak havoc against the foreigners, but the attempt is foiled; they leave a special pie in the fridge for them, booby-trapped with teeth, but that doesn't do the trick either. Soon enough, they resort to good old-fashioned methods of mayhem like bear traps and Gymkata to kill the limey invaders. That's right, I said Gymkata!

I won't ruin the ending for you here, but I will say that two Hungarian whoress save the day. This is why I love whores.

This is an overall fun film, that mixes comedy and gore in just the right measure. I was waiting to be pissed off, as I am with most Horror/Comedy hybrids, but the filmmakers and actors alike pull it off and managed to make me smile a wee bit. I like the mean-spirited feel of the kills; a lot was done tongue-in-cheek, but they still packed the gore in, and it made me wince a few times.

Team Building is the worst.
Why was there no sex going on here??? Four chicks, two of them hookers, and not one person got any... although to be fair, all of the killing going on may have put the kibosh on that.

You're telling me that they wouldn't have put out? Poppycock!
That fucking pie, man. I mean, would you have eaten that?

The after-pie smoke.
The hunting knife in the ass was the highlight for me, although severed limbs and bloody violence were plentiful. The bear trap was a nasty touch as well.

It's buckwheats for you, pally.
Hungarian hookers trapped in a pit... Need I say more?

I will say no more.
Finding the right lodge to begin with helps a lot, and saves everyone from being brutally killed. Also, don't mess with Hungarian hookers unless you want to have a fight on your hands! A sexy, sexy fight.

You won the Team Building challenge! Yay!
This one is worth an own for me, and at least a rent for most of you. It's a good and goofy time that should satisfy the blood hungry among us, and make us laugh at the same time.


Severance is available now on DVD and VOD.


Laura Harris and Judit Viktor are in this.

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