December 15, 2009
The week in guilty pleasures.
Bitch Slap- This movie was not good. It was cheesy, pointless, and it was more than obvious that the filmmakers were trying to make the next huge cult phenomenon, rather than actually making a good movie first and foremost. That being said... for fans of slutty chicks, guns, and slutty chicks with guns, this movie is basically the holy grail.
Synopsis: At its core, BITCH SLAP follows three bad girls (a down-and-out stripper, a drug-running killer and a corporate powerbroker) as they arrive at a remote desert hideaway to extort and steal $200 Million in diamonds from a ruthless underworld kingpin. Things quickly spin out of control as allegiances change, truths are revealed, other criminals arrive for the score, the fate of the world hangs in the balance and they are forced to confront a villain much worse than they ever expected… themselves. It’s the ultimate morality tale as, one by one, they realize the whole she-bang was a set-up and one of them may not even be human… What also makes BITCH SLAP different is a complicated “B” story device that runs throughout the film to illuminate character, backstory and relationship histories not previously revealed. Like the film Memento, these scene flashbacks take place in reverse, so by the end of the film, you have a wholly different take on who these women are and why they are behaving so badly. Bet you never saw THAT in Jailbait Babysitter!
Whatever. The plot has been done before, and far better, and that's all right. This is eye candy, and nothing more. The best way to sum Bitch Slap up, is that visually, it's a poor man's Sin City. And if the poor man's Sin City had a gang bang with Smokin' Aces, The Spirit, the Kill Bill movies, and every bit of Cinemax soft-core porn ever, this would be the mentally challenged love child born from it all. It tries to be Sin City story wise and every other Tarantino film dialogue wise, but that all falls flat.
Where it doesn't fall flat is with the whole slutty chicks with guns thing, and with the rampant amount of lesbianism, boobs, filthy talk, blood & violence, sweating chicks, chicks wrestling, strippers, whores, sass and fluff. I don't know, most teenaged boys will love it I guess.
This is a guilty pleasure of the highest form. Imagine if Scarlett Johansson was your sister, and she has Natalie Portman and let's say Miley Cyrus over to your house, where they proceed to get all coked up, naked, and eventually you and Scarlett (your sister) do it all night, in every way conceivable, with the others and alone, over and over again. Then they leave. You feel disgusted, lost, and you wish you could take it all back, after all, she's your sister, and Miley Cyrus is only 15. At the same time, you think back on it all and say "Oh yeah, that just happened", and bathe gleefuly in your dirty self loathing.
That's basically the same as watching Bitch Slap. You know it's wrong, but somehow it feels so right.