Solo Review- Severance (2006)

Severance (2006)
Sub-Genre- Horror Comedy

Cast Members of Note- Laura Harris, whom I fondly remember getting naked in The Faculty.

In Attendance- Me...

What's it about?- For those of you that thought this movie is about actress Joan Severance, like I did, you're about to be disappointed. The woman has been naked in 5,233 movies, give or take, and I was all set for a retrospective of her nudity and sex, but no... she's nowhere to be seen!

Sorry Joan, we'll always have Lake Consequence.
Luckily, the movie was good enough to make me forget how upset I was: A bunch of Brit businessmen(and chicks) head into the Hungarian mountains for a team-building weekend (wow, now that's a motivational tool worth never exploring), and they all get their asses kicked by the locals.

Needless to say, that Hungary has it's share of inbred mountain folk just like the deep south does in the U.S.A., although their version is a tad more militant and they carry fully automatic weapons and flamethrowers; also, they're vengeful Russians. The cold war never fully ended, did it!?!?!

So the creepy Russian ex-militants let loose the dogs of war; they send a highly trained attack spider to wreak havoc against the foreigners, but the attempt was foiled; They leave a special pie in the fridge for them, booby-trapped with teeth, but that doesn't do the trick either; soon enough, they resort to good old fashioned methods of mayhem like bear traps and Gymkata to kill the limey invaders. That's right, I said Gymkata!

Try as you may, you just can't kill Hungarian hookers.
I wont ruin the ending here, save to say that two Hungarian hookers save the day. This is why I love whores.

The Good- An overall fun film, that mixes comedy and gore in just the right measure. I was waiting to be pissed off, as I am with most Horror/Comedy hybrids, but the filmmakers and actors alike pull it off and managed to make me smile a wee bit.

I like the mean-spirited feel of the kills; a lot was done tongue in cheek, but they still packed the gore in, and made me wince a few times.

The Bad- Why was there no sex going on here??? Four chicks, two of the hookers, and not one person got any... although all of the killing may have put the kibosh on that...

The Downright Horrendous- That fucking pie; I mean, would you have eaten that?

The Gory- The hunting knife in the ass was the highlight for me, although severed limbs and bloody violence were plentiful. The bear trap was a nasty touch as well.


The Naked- Hungarian hookers trapped in a pit... Need I say more?

I will say no more.
What did we learn?- Finding the right lodge to begin with helps a lot, and saves everyone from being brutally killed. Also, don't mess with Hungarian hookers unless you want to have a fight on your hands!

Rating- B+ This one is worth an own for me, and at least a rent for most of you. It's a good and goofy time that should satisfy the blood hungry among us.

Final Thoughts-

Laura Harris is in this.

Solo Review- Rec (2007)

REC (2007)
Sub-Genre- Epidemic/Viral Zombie

In Attendance- Me...

Cast Members of Note- A bunch of Spanish actors that I can't begin to name. They did real good-like though, real good.

What's it about?- When fearless reporter Angela tags along with a company of Firemen on a routine midnight call, the terror of her big mouth and disregard for anything other than the damn camera filming her begins!

Apparently, the fat chick from the Dawn of the Dead remake is back, and is trying to eat people in her quaint little apartment building, so the firemen along with two bumbling cops try to help her, and end up fucking up so bad that everyone ends up screwed. They kill her 24 times to no avail, and finally decide to lock her in a room with a ham, hoping she will choke to death. Does the daring plan work? You'll see...

Though I was kidding, didn't you?
Once bitten, the new infected zombies get really mad and try to eat everyone else; one little girl even tries to eat her mother... creepy little fuck. They start dropping like flies, these Spaniards, until there are only three of them left; thank god the guy with the camera and the loud mouthed twit of a reporter are two of them.

The rest of the movie is a cat and mouse survival type of thing, with the jerk off FEMA team ordering the tenants at gunpoint to remain in the building and await "instructions." If by "Await instructions" they mean "Stay in there and die or we will shoot you ourselves", then they got their point across. Apparently FEMA sucks in Europe too.

I wont spoil the ending here, but trust me when I say that you will poop your pants, and perhaps even the pants of those near you when you see it. (I know I never expected to see Barbara Walters naked with a hammer in this movie.)


The Good- I don't think I've seen an ending as terrifying as this one in a long while. The last 10 minutes absolutely changed the movie for me, and took it to a much creepier place than just your standard "Infected people turning into killer zombie" fare. I loved the twist, and would have like to have seen that premise explored more. I'm hoping Rec 2 will give me what I want!

I don't want to ruin it by saying much more, but suffice it to say that the place where the virus comes from makes me giddy. I want to see an entire movie dedicated to that subject matter.

She looks lost.
REC is definitely frightening in a lot of ways, especially the premise. An unknown virus turning everyone around you into flesh eating madmen, while you're locked in a building with them and cant get out... that makes for some intense moments.

The shaky-cam thing that is so popular in movies lately (Thanks for that one Cloverfield), is a bit distracting, but not to Blair Witch proportions. Once the creepiness begins, you'll barely notice it.

The Bad- It always drives me crazy in these movies when people wont shut up when they need to be as quiet as possible. I mean, Let's scream, argue while screaming, and scream some more when were fighting for our lives against a bunch of rabid Spaniards! Stupido.

Scream louder, I don't think the demon in the room behind you heard that.
I still say that if the situation were real, that the camera wouldn't be used as much, and later on in the film, would be shut off completely... then again, if they did that, there wouldn't be a movie, so I digress. Still, the reporter chick didn't need to wheedle her way in front of the camera every chance she got.

The Downright Horrendous- How someone didn't smack the reporter bitch in the face multiple times throughout the movie is beyond me. "Evil is after us, dummy... How about you don't scream!?!?!"

The Gory- A good mix of on screen blood and nastiness, and off screen violence you can hear but cant see. Not a gore fest, but certainly bloody enough.


What did we learn?- Dogs are evil, and not to be trusted.

Rating- B+ The only reason I didn't give this one an A, was that I cant get around the blatantly dumb actions of some of the characters. Other than that, this one is well worth a rent or a buy, but see it either way.

Final Thoughts- It's already being re-made in the U.S., as Quarantine. Look for it in October. Sigh. (*Update- Quarantine was nowhere near as good or effective as REC was.)

[REC] was better.

C.Y.P. Daily #5

C.Y.P. (Crap Your Pants) Daily presents the following creepy bit:

Screw that.

#13 & #14- Anchor Bay Drive in Classics Vol. 1-

This DVD set has two movies in one; and since A Blade in the Dark is the first of them, they both get reviewed on our way through the A's. (I'll forget to do Macabre if I save it until we get to the M's.)


A Blade in the Dark (1983)
Sub-Genre- Giallo/Slasher

In Attendance- Me, Eryn, Machine, The Vanilla Gorilla, and Nick.

Cast Members of Note- None really, save for Michele Soavi who has had a long career on both sides of the camera; working alongside Argento for many years and directing the masterpiece Dellamorte Dellamore (Cemetery Man.)

What's it about?- Riiiight... Like any one on the planet can just "tell you" what an Italian Horror flick from the late 70's/early 80's is about? Guess what, they can't. Why do men from Tennessee often circumcise themselves by rubbing their peckers against rusty barbed wire fences? Can you tell me that? Oh, but that's different, right? You're all sheep.

So anyways, our little Giallo story begins with three mongoloid children throwing a ball down a creepy staircase into a dark cellar; one of them is transgendered, and the other two nearly gay bash the poor kid to death. The kid runs for his life into the basement, only to be gay bashed to death for real this time, by the creepy killer in the cellar. At least Mr. Murder gives the other two their ball back.

Live your life, Fabrizio; I won't judge you.
We next meet Bruno, the slow witted composer who just moved into a posh villa to finish work on his latest movie score. He soon begins to hear noises around the house and decides to investigate; unfortunately for him, he is hindered by some "slow motion" disease that he got from a hooker in Barcelona. A few hours later, he finally makes it out of the room, and (Slowly) heads downstairs to the biggest basement ever made. He saves a girl, Katia, from a scroach (That's a spider-roach hybrid for those of you who haven't been to Europe), and she asks him for a cigarette.

He forgets she is there, and begins composing; for the record, his big accomplishment was finishing the first half of one song during his entire stay. He plays it over, and over, and over again, prompting a psychotic killer into action... Katia pays for his lack of any sort of enthusiasm ans sense of urgency with her life.

Within ten minutes of all of this happening, another chick randomly pops up in the house, and this time Bruno gets laid. The next morning, he kicks her out because he is very busy working on his half of a song, but is dismayed to find yet another young, sex starved girl show up randomly, only this time outside of the house. He lets her swim and shower, and she too is killed.

For Christ's sake Bruno, can you play more than 10 notes?!?
With the disappearances, some odd phone calls, a slashed nudie picture and his master tape of half of a song destroyed, he wonders if something strange is going on.

I won't ruin the end here, but suffice it to say that more people die, and Bruno never finishes one frigging song.

The Good- Lamberto Bava is the man; Like his father before him (We love you Mario Bava!), The films of Lamberto are true Giallo through and through; Tense, atmospheric, bloody, creepy, confusing and poorly bubbed... a blood soaked treat for us all.

I can see how some people would look at a movie like this and instantly see a cheesy, dated mess... but then those are the horror fans who pay to see The Hitcher Remake and Shutter, and actually enjoy watching the turds. Yes, I'm an elitist prick.

There is so much at work in a movie like this, that it satisfies on different levels, despite it's shortcomings. Italian Horror is about atmosphere and visuals, excessive violence and tension... the price we pay for those heights that these movies usually hit is usually on the back end, and in the form of coherence and lack of sense.

It's worth every minute.

The Bad- This guy... What in the hell is his deal anyways?


The Downright Horrendous- Cross dressing children... when will it end?

The Gory- Plenty O' gore to be had here, from a bloody tennis/baseball, to multiple slashings and stabbings. Stay classy Italy, we love you!


The Naked- A pair of late 70's style A cup pancake boobies... and that's it.

What did we learn?- Scroaches do exist. Also, if you rent a villa in Europe, random slutty chicks will just show up and hang out with you.

Rating- B For its time and for what it was, it's a solid flick. I'd recommend renting it before buying though, as it may not be everyone's cup of tea.

Final Thoughts- Nick made a good point during this one: "What the fuck?" He's only 13 folks, and he already hits it dead on.



Macabre (1980)
Sub-Genre- Italian Horror

In Attendance- Me, Eryn, The Vanilla Gorilla, and Nick.

Cast Members of Note- Stanko Molnar... Come on, the guys name is stanko!

What's it about?- Love. Yep, it's about love.

...A 10 year old sisters love for her 4 year old brother (Ages approximate), and the bathtub that she drowns him in while her mother is out whoring. Is anything sweeter?

...The love of a woman (The one out whoring) and a man, even after a traffic accident kills him and severs his head from his body. That doesn't stop the lovemaking... no way. Passion will not be denied.

...The love of a blind man (Blindy we'll call him) and his ancient mother, who still loves to bathe him... slowly, with a hard bar of soap... Sadly, she dies because she's 103 years old, so no more baths... Blindy quickly falls in love with the whore who still loves a dead guy, and accepts her in all of her bat shit crazy splendor.

Love drives her to kill her other kid, mentally abuse the blind guy, and make love to a severed head. Really.

Told you so.
The Good- The best thing about Macabre, is that it's a disturbing flick that will make you feel like you need a shower afterward.

It's not the best example of early 80's Italian horror, but it has it's good points; the bathtub scene, the creepy daughter, and the end.

The Bad- About halfway through this one I would have taken a "Screaming Seagull" from someone if they would have stopped the movie. Maybe even an "Alabama Hot Pocket."

The Downright Horrendous- Seriously mom, he's like 30 years old, he can bathe himself. Drop the soap! Now!

The Gory- The, um... "sex" scene towards the end is fairly gross... as is whats in the freezer. Other than that, Macabre is light on the blood.

The Naked- A little bit of cheesecake, but it was more creepy than it was hot.

Stanko and Stanky.
What did we learn?- Kids are evil. Also, getting head can have more than one meaning, and sometimes at once. Also, severed head breathe, fly, and bite. Yep.

Rating- C- Effective enough, but a rough ride. Rent it before committing to the buy.

Final Thoughts- That little bitch was creepy!

Creepy little bitch.

Solo Review- The Happening.... UGH!

I didn't even want to do this review, but if my warning can save even one person, then it was all worth it. If you don't believe me, and think I'm being snarky with what follows, just watch the movie. I really mean that. No pictures, no attempted humor, all you'll find below is the review. UGH!

The Happening
Sub-Genre- Nature Attacks

In Attendance- Me... Unfortunately.

Cast Members of Note- Why was Mark Wahlberg in this? Also, John Leguizamo and Zooey Deschanel? Shame on them.

What's it about?- Plants hate us as much as M. Night loves himself; that means immeasurably.

M.Night Shaymalananan is so clever! Wanna know why come? Because of these clever things he slips into the movie; he gives us the witty play on words "Kiladelphia." Instead of Philadelphia, get it!?!

He makes mood rings an indicator of danger; He schools us about 435 times how plants react to human stimulus and do stuff; math riddles calm hysterical people down during a "Happening"; plants, trees and grass can communicate with each other; wind is really scary; plants release co-transporters in the air; this movie makes little sense.

Once Marky Mark screams "Get scientific, douche bag!" at himself, seriously, he figures it all out; Stay ahead of the wind, and stay in a big group , and the plants cant kill us. The wind chase is on! Luckily, it cant catch 20 milling city folk, because obviously wind is slow.

Marky Mark finds a little tree in the den of a farmhouse they hide out in and says the following (looking terrified all the while); "Hello? My name is Elliot Moore, I'm just going to talk in a very positive manner, giving off good vibes... were just here to use the bathroom, I hope that's ok." The tree turns out to be plastic. Wow, that's funny... almost as funny as 9 year old cancer patients with aids being mauled by lions. Less funny even.

So now they decide that they have to stay away from large groups of people... whatever. At least they find a radio tied to a fence in the middle of nowhere. Then during another inane speech and delivery by Marky, Zooey delivers the most ironic line of the movie; "Are you joking?" That part was actually perfect.

The ending is about as anti climactic as it gets, and it sucks ass as much as the rest did.

The Good- It ended.

The Bad- The worst part of this whole mess is that the guy, M. Night of course, thinks that he is making social commentary, and teaching us something. He also thinks he is relevant.

The Downright Horrendous- The script. The acting. The premise. The plot. I'm seriously wondering if Shaymalananan made this movie as a joke, or if he has seriously gone insane. I'm being serious.

What did we learn?- That this sucked worse than his last two movies.

Rating- F uck you M. Night Shayamalanananan.

Final Thoughts- Fuck M. Night Shaymalananan, right in his ass.

The Ruins (2008)

The Ruins (2008)
Sub-Genre- Teen Terror

In Attendance- Me...

Cast Members of Note- Jena Malone (YUM), The kid who played Iceman in X-men, The kid who played in the Black Donnelly's, and Laura Ramsey (She's naked in this.)

What's it about?- A group of college students are partying it up in Mexico; you know, hookers, tequila, donkey shows... When on the last day before heading home, they come up with an awesome idea; let's go into the jungle, alone, sporting hangovers, working off of a hand drawn crappy map, and explore an old Mayan temple. Even though the grizzled old cab driver, Chachi, tells them "That place no good", they ignore his broken-English advice and head off to their impending doom.

Yes, all Mexicans do look like this guy.
Things go well right up to the point when they arrive at the ruined temple, and a whole mess of local bandito's show up behind them and force them onto the temple at gunpoint. As long as they don't come down, they wont be killed... because the locals are scared to come near the cursed place. They try at one point screaming "INS!" and "Immigration!", which doesn't work since their already in Mexico; not even a last ditch attempt at trickery involving a boom box and a wicked group karaoke version of "Rico Suave" by Gerardo will buy them their freedom. Might as well go inside, since their trapped, right?

Oh, Gerardo, we miss you.
Chaos ensues pretty quickly for the poor kids, and its nothing but crazy plant life and exploratory surgery from then on out.

I don't want to ruin too much of what happens once they realize they're screwed, but suffice it to say that some Ortho would have come in handy.

The Good- I had low expectations going into this one, and I'm happy to say I was pleasantly surprised. What a disturbing little flick! This movie is nothing less than a vicious, disturbing, unflinching little ass kicking (on us, of course), and it delivers on all levels.

I absolutely bought into this movie from start to finish, and although there were a few minor "WTF are you doing" moments, they were few and far between. The feeling of dread, coupled with the unknown terror waiting in the dark for the characters was enough to make me feel the creep a little bit.

The big one for me was the characters; I didn't hate the dumb teen party-goers like I normally do; I actually wanted them to live. That's a pretty big thing for me. Sure they party and make some bad choices, but for once I didn't scream at the screen, or cheer for the "bad guy"! I liked them! ARGH! Just let me have my little moment here please.

Jena Malone; always good.
Jena Malone and Laura Ramsey are both hot as hell... and great actresses to boot. Jonathan Tucker, who is always on point in my opinion, was solid here once again. I'm still pissed that NBC canceled his show, The Black Donnellys; what a great one that was. Shawn Ashmore was good too... I'll always see him as Bobby Drake from X-men, but the kid can act.

The Bad- Why didn't they use fire?

The Downright Horrendous- Fuck you if you think you're lowering me down that dark assed hole alone. No, no, no!


The Gory- Nasty, nasty blood and gore here; The surgery scene alone does it for me. Wow, the shit they show in that scene... very uncomfortable.

The Naked- Laura Ramsey does a quick, but great nudie shot. Check Out the animated GIF in the GIF section (Adults only!)

Good lord.
What did we learn?- When in a foreign country, stay at the damn resort. Also, don't ever trust Mayan locals; they pretty much just want to kill you.

Rating- A I'm as surprised as anyone that I'm giving a movie like this an A rating, but dammit if it didn't deserve it. Gore, tension, dread... it's all here. You should check it out. Grab the Unrated version though, as some of the gore is trimmed on the theatrical.

Final Thoughts-

Good God is she ever cute.

Sorry Bea Arthur...

No, actually, I don't.

Sorry Bea Arthur, you are not going to be our next Horror Hottie.

Over the past few days, I've received and influx of emails petitioning for the former Golden Girl to be the next ushered into the hallowed hall of poon, but it isn't going to happen. First of all, she's nearly 90... how in the world is that hot to anyone other than Machine? Secondly, and most important of all, shes never been in a horror movie or TV show! (A.K.A. Pablo doesn't count.)

She's always been cool, and been good in whatever she's been in, but a Horror Hottie she is not. I loved her in Golden Girls (Who didnt?), and she was fantastic in Maude; she was even great playin Madame along side of Wayland Flowers for so many years, uncredited mind you. If you lived in the 80's, you couldnt escape Wayland Flowers and Madame on Solid Gold or the Hollywood Squares...

He died of the AIDS.
So people, please stop emailing me asking for Bea's induction, because it makes no sense. Even those of you insisting that since she is one of the living dead, she deserves automatic induction are out of luck. I mean it Steven Seagal, stop emailing me. Youve been warned.

R.I.P. Stan Winston

1946-2008

What a horrible day for horror fans. Stan Winston, a true godfather of movie magic, is dead at 62.

He created The Terminator, The Predator, and Pumpkinhead (A film that he also directed), The Alien Queen from Aliens, and made The Monster Squad an instant classic. Oh, and he finally made Dinosaurs look amazing on screen with Jurassic Park.

He helped scare the hell out of horror fans by bloodying the screen with effects/make-up work on The Thing (1982), F13 part 3, Pumpkinhead, Interview With the Vampire, Darkness Falls, Wrong Turn, and The Entity.

He brought creatures and killers to life in non horror films like Aliens, Predator, The Monster Squad, Edward Scissorhands, Alien Nation, Jurassic Park, Leviathan, A.I., Big Fish, and Constantine, to list only a few.

He won 4 Oscars for his work on Aliens, Terminator 2: Judgment Day, and Jurassic Park.

Hell, he even designed the mask for Styx's video/character Mr. Roboto, not to mention making the Wookie costumes for the Star Wars Holiday Special. He was everywhere, and rightfully so.

Even in the modern age of computer effects overshadowing the "old fashioned" ways, he managed to shine with stunning work on Iron Man.

Stan Winston didn't just work on movies, he created dreams and fueled imaginations everywhere. I cant imagine my childhood (which was largely in the 80's) without movies like The Terminator or Aliens; with them I saw things I hadn't even began to dream of that have stuck with me, and millions of others, ever since.

His work has created icons, ranging from subtle to magnanimous... all of them nothing less than fantastic.

So long Stan. Thanks for everything.

Solo Review- All the Boys Love Mandy Lane

All the Boys Love Mandy Lane
Sub-Genre- Teen Terror

In Attendance- Me...

Cast Members of Note- Amber Heard, one of the hottest chicks ever. Ever!

What's it about?- All the boys love Mandy Lane; it says so in the title, so I have to assume it's cold hard fact and not just supposition. In fact, as hot as she is, I'm guessing that some of the girls love her too. Shes a good girl, a hot and naughty little good girl, and since no one can seem to get in her pants, her vagina instantly becomes the bullseye that every pecker in school is aimed at.

Mandy takes her trifling virgin ass to a party with her lame best guy friend, and calamity ensues. When the party gets too wild, a karate fighter jumps out of the crowd and unleashes his own brand of justice, and not a moment too soon!! Thank you, Fist Man-kick!

Karate fighters love Mandy Lane too!
One genius ass-neck even tries to jump from the roof of his house into his pool to win her heart; all he wins is death though. Sucker!

"LOL, he died."
A few months later, Mandy is invited to the country for the weekend by the cool kids that still want to bone her. Mission: Bone Mandy Lane begins with plenty of drinking and swimming, weed and handjobs, blowjobs and smoking and drinking, and drinking. Also, death.

Naturally, these teens need to die, as most teens do, and so the body count begins to stack up.

I wont ruin the rest of the movie here, but I will say that this goes to show you that getting a piece of ass isn't worth this kind of trouble. Wait a minute, yes it is... just not in this movie.

The Good- Amber Heard is the saving grace here; she played her role of personified perfection to a T. While everyone around her was stuck in stereotypical quicksand, she shined as the angelic and unattainable Mandy Lane. If this portrayal was any indication, we have nothing but good things to expect from her in the future.

I loved the atmosphere of this flick; from the old farmhouse that was reminiscent of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre (and once owned by Hillary Duff's family), to the slow and deliberate pacing, the color scheme, down to the music. It was almost ethereal to me at times, and it was a nice change of pace. The suspense was palpable here too, although I couldn't come close to being afraid for any of the characters other than Mandy. They deserved what they got!

Not even a hard night of partying can kill Mandy Lane!
The Bad- Why couldn't they have just let this lesbian kiss happen... for like 20 minutes or so? Amber Heard, you need a lesbian scene!

"Hurry and kiss me before some asshole knocks on the door and ruins it... dammit!!!"
The Downright Horrendous- I hated every character in this movie other than Mandy Lane and Garth. The ones that died, deserved it, though I wish it could have been slower and more painful for them. Suck jobs, one and all.

No chance means no chance... I don't care how big it is.
The Gory- Oral sex with a shotgun (that doesn't end well), eye slicing, knife violence, shotgun violence... not heavy on the gore, but it's there.

The Naked- A little bit of boobage, and plenty of hot girls running around in undies and various stages of undress.

What did we learn?- Don't ever love Mandy Lane. Also, attractive people are almost always stupid/and or evil.

Rating- A- This is a solid effort that does many things right, and even though it has a flaw or two, the good far outweighs the bad. I say own it, or at the very least give it a rent.

Final Thoughts- Only one...

Amber Heard is in this.

Wrong Turn (2003)

Wrong Turn
Sub-Genre- Survival/Backwoods inbred hillbilly

In Attendance- Me, Geo, Machine, Michelle, Marlin, Little G.

What's it about?- This movie is all about stupidity; Traveling through the mountains of West Virginia? The highway is blocked for miles and you're late for an interview you say? No problem, just travel the back roads and look for a shortcut. Good plan. Don't mind the creepy old gap toothed local when he tells you "Best not to go messin 'round on folks land." He's just senile, or maybe a lil' tarded.

"You look purty."
Of course, while looking for a shortcut, the local inbred sociopaths lay boobie-traps and you crash into a car of another group of dumb asses who are nothing more than hick bait now too. The only logical thing for any of you to do, is venture into the woods and look for help. Sigh.

Thank god, you found a cabin! Crap, no one is home... why not just go in? Mountain folk don't mind when strangers go poking around their land and break into their houses. Do it. Go ahead. Just don't look in the fridge...

And she was so hot too...
When the retarded cousin fuckers get home and find them darned kids a hidin' in thar house, all hell breaks loose, and the chase is on. Will they make it out of the holler alive? Will inbreeding ever produce anything but creepy mongoloid rapists? Will the kids escape, and learn their lesson?

I wont give anything else away here, but suffice it to say everyone is pretty much screwed.

The Good- The whole "Dumb kids getting themselves killed because they're dumb" thing aside, Wrong Turn is a pretty damn good horror flick. It's shot well, acted well, and has enough tension and blood to make even me smile.

It's nice to see a horror flick be mean spirited these days, and have some substance at the same time. Wrong Turn isn't breaking any ground here, but it definitely holds its own.

Jeremy Sisto does his usual thing here, and if you're a fan of his (which I am), he doesn't disappoint. Did I mention that Elisha Dushku, Emmanuelle Chriqui, and Lindy Booth are all hot as hell in this?

Milk.
The Bad- He should have turned around!


The Downright Horrendous- No nudity. Seriously, some boobs, maybe a little ass, and this one is easily an A... Some hot teen lesbian kissing and it's an A+ for sure!

The Gory- This one is full of blood and gore; arrows in eyes, axes to mouths (sometimes, it's ok to go axe to mouth), razor wire to faces... If your blood lust isn't satiated by this movie, you may have some deeper issues.

That'll teach you to smoke weed and have sex in a horror movie!
What did we learn?- You no messy with hillbilly!


Rating- B+ You have to have this in the horror collection. It's a good one to whip out every now and then, especially before your big summer camping trip. One of the better horror flicks of the 2000's.

Final Thoughts-

No kidding.