This is why the internet rocks.

After the blogger outage of the last few days, We lost 2 reviews; Megan is Missing and Drive Angry. Megan is Missing kinda came back as a 50% done draft, but Drive Angry is gone. One awesome person out there by the name of Dyuein apparently saw the completed Megan is Missing review, saved it, and came to our rescue by uploading and giving us a copy. That saved a TON of re-work that would have made me cranky and mean. You, sir or mam, are our hero of the day. You get the Samuel Jackson/Mace Windu seal of approval! Just an FYI, Drive Angry is on the way, along with a few others.

Review: Megan is Missing (2011)

"If this movie doesn't make you feel dirty enough to live in a shower for 3 days after watching it, you're probably a serial killer."

First and foremost, the message of this movie is an excellent one, and it's one that needs to be heard; 14-year-old girls are stupid. That's not really the message of the movie, but it is true, and the movie kinda proves it. So I guess it is the message of the movie. Kinda.

Parents of modern day teens don't help matters much, mostly by giving them far too much unsupervised freedom at such a young age; for kids, growing up now isn't the same as it was for their parents, because the Internet has changed all of that; webcams, smart phones, Twitter, Facebook... all of those give strangers far too much access into the lives of our kids, and far too easily.

In relation to the point of this movie, kids are sexualized far too early these days, and the creepy thing is that a lot of the time, they do it to themselves. At any given time on many Social Media, webcam or even porn sites, you have teen girls either talking sex, trying to hook up, or taking provocative pictures/video of themselves, all of which make them nothing more than sexual objects to anyone watching or talking with them.

They don't think, they attract the wrong attention, and they end up in trouble. That is the point of this movie.

FYI, the media loves to exploit missing white girls for all they're worth. Not so much anyone with darker skin though.

DISCLAIMER
I am NOT preaching here. The only thing better than a naked girl is a dumb one with no self-esteem. Daddy Issues are the best. And before someone reads this and thinks "What a jerk!," try having a penis sometimes ladies, it's no picnic. It fills us with shame and lust, and we do tend to objectify the pretty things that are thrown in our face, especially when it's done so casually.

It's just that it's creepy when all of this debauchery applies to 15-year-olds. So, me no preachy, I'm just sayin' that youngins are really scandalous these days...
END DISCLAIMER

If only they had never danced on camera...

Megan is 14, Amy is 13, and they're best friends. Megan is a slut, and Amy is a sweet girl who is too scared to be a slut. While Megan is out drinking, doing drugs, and blowing random guys, Amy is all like "um, no." So needless to say that in school, Megan is popular and Amy is a loser. Neat how that works, eh?

We find out that Megan was abused when she was 9, which pretty much set her life on a course for self-destruction. So, despite being a moron, we can't help but feel for her, and neither can Amy. Amy is drawn to the wilder lifestyle that Megan leads, because she isn't wild at all, and Megan wants the normalcy of Amy's life, because she is. Somehow through all of that they form a pretty solid bond, and fill in each others gaps. Figuratively, pervs. Although that is a funny pun.

Long story short, Megan meets a "kid" named "Josh" in a Chatroom, decides to hook up with him, and disappears. Amy, obviously distraught, launches a campaign to find out what happened to her friend, and ends up finding herself in some creepy danger of her own. To say more about what unfolds and how would be a disservice to the impact of the movie, so let's just say that "Josh" is a lie!

The last 20 minutes of this movie will disturb you for life. No joke.

Director Michael Goi actually gives us a Horrific film with a purpose here, and it's obvious that he made this movie because the issue of Internet predators/susceptible teens is one that he truly cares about. He went to great lengths to make the movie realistic (although some of it feels less than that at times) and he succeeds pretty well in that department.

This movie's plot is the culmination of 7 different real-life cases involving missing teens and Internet predators, which Goi rolled into one to get he point across. He even went so far as to even observe real teens while they were chatting online with friends, to be as true as possible to the subject matter. this movie is definitely a labor of tough love for Michael Goi.

At times it feels like we aren't watching kids talking via video chat, rather 20-year-olds pretending to be kids talking via video chat, but the message of it all is important, and it validates the lackluster storytelling for the most part. Megan is Missing is an unsettling, disturbing glimpse of what happens to these kids when they're abducted, only to be found dead later on, if they're ever found at all. Our small gripes aside, he got it all mostly right. Perfect or not, it's effective as hell.

Stop trying to be not 13 years old!

A few of MIM's story elements had us scratching our collective heads ***SPOILERS BELOW***

-Megan disappears, and her best friend Amy mentions nothing about the guy from online that she went to meet behind the diner? Not even one casual word about it, even after Megan's mom is on the news talking about how she just wants her back safe?

-Amy doesn't report "Josh" to the Police right away, even though he was the one Megan was going to meet when she disappeared? And when she finally does, she's still allowed online by her parents, the Police do nothing to monitor her online activity, and she just casually continues to video chat (one sided, mind you) with "Josh," even when he becomes abusive and threatening to her?

-After her best friend goes missing, not only do Amy's parents allow her to continue with unfettered Internet access, but they allow her to leave the house with her video camera to wander the streets alone, and for long periods of time? A 14-year-old girl, with a friend that went missing... and no one says "you aren't going anywhere alone" or "no more chatting online," especially once she tells her parents and the police about "Josh?"

-And when no one stops her from roaming around aimlessly, shooting video diaries under creepy, out-of-the-way bridges, she doesn't once get scared that she could be in danger? I'm in my 30's, and I wouldn't be hanging out under that rapey fucking bridge, even if nothing creepy were going on in my life. Even if Amy were naive or ignorant enough to do all of these things, I find it hard to believe that her parents or law enforcement wouldn't step in immediately to make some of these decisions for her. Then again, I can't believe that a 14-year-old girl wouldn't be terrified enough to not want to leave the house ever again when the guy that she's pretty sure abducted her friend tells her "shut your mouth... I'm watching you." That just doesn't wash.

Some of the goings-on in this movie just made no logical sense to us whatsoever, but maybe that was the point of the whole thing.

Who lets 14-year-old girls out of the house at night wearing party clothes?

Now, all of that being said, the events of Megan is Missing are all pretty unsettling to watch unfold. The last 22 minutes of this one redeem most of the film's prior shortcomings, and proves to be some very tough footage to sit through. There's some terrifying imagery and events that take place, and the ending is simply morose. It's powerful. It shook me, and not much really jars me to the point of actually feeling true dread like this anymore.

Damn.

The last 20 minutes of this movie are violent and disturbing, but not necessarily gory. Everything else that comes before it, no gore at all.

No nudity, but there are plenty of scenes where teen sexuality is both discussed and implied.

Stay off of the Internet if you want to live. Also, teenagers party way harder than most adults do.

How's that video diary going, huh?

Megan is Missing gets an "A" grade based on it's impact and message alone. As a film, it really deserves to be in the "C" range, but the fact that it works so well can't be brushed aside or downplayed. I'd like to say that all teenagers should be made to watch this movie as a warning, but I don't know; this movie may be too cruel and intense to subject a kid to, not to mention that it's disturbingly graphic in it's tone and content. Nope, changed my mind... make your kids watch this. They may be messed up for a while afterwards, but if it keeps them safe and alive, it's worth it.

For Horror fans though, if you like to be skeeved out and have been looking for a reason to never chat online again, this is it.

A

Megan is Missing is available now on DVD and VOD.

 

Megan is Missing stars, Rachel Quinn and Amber Perkins, haven't really done much acting following their work on the flick... maybe they're off finishing College?

Nice Job Blogger.

Since Blogger sucks and erased the shit I did 2 days ago, I'll have to rewrite the reviews for Megan is Missing and Drive Angry. 8 hours of work down the drain. Dicks. !

Scandal rocks THC!

THC's very own "Erin" has been placed on active suspension following her admission of not knowing what Fright Night or The Monster Squad were. You know, the horror classics, that were instant classics when she was a kid? According to inside sources, after being asked "Do you think Colin Farrell will be good in the Fright Night remake?", this is the exchange that took place: "What's that?" "What's what? "Fright Night. Never heard of it." Silence fell across the room. Troubled looks were exchanged between THC members. More silence. Then finally her husband chimed in with "She didn't know what Monster Squad was until we watched it last year either." From the other room we could hear the sounds of their children weeping because mommy broke their hearts. After a saucy debate and some unsavory words, it all ended with Erin saying "Whatever." This is the ugly side of the business, folks. The shameful, deceitful underbelly seldom talked about in polite company. All details regarding punishment and possible litigation are being withheld pending a judiciary review, or until she bakes us some cookies or something and erases this blight from out horror loving minds.

I guess it's time that we talked about Game of Thrones

Winter is Coming. Though it is of the fantasy variety, Game of Thrones is still a show that deserves some genre attention from we horror fanatics. It's based on a successful fantasy book series called A Song of Ice and Fire, and author George R.R. Martin sums up the series like this: "Set in the Seven Kingdoms of Westeros, where "summers span decades and winters can last a lifetime," Game of Thrones chronicles the violent dynastic struggles among the kingdom's seven noble families for control of the Iron Throne; as the series opens, additional threats from the snow and ice covered region north of Westeros and from the eastern continent across a narrow sea are simultaneously beginning to rise." It sounds kinda bland to me, but 4 episodes in and it's safe to say that Game of Thrones is pure bliss to watch. Aside from "The Others" shown at the beginning of episode 1, and the dire wolves, it's been mostly "fantasy free" thus far, but it still has tons to offer for viewers of all tastes. The offerings consist of sex, nudity, violence, profanity, rape, murder and incest. Oh, it's crazy full of that stuff. Definitely an adult show, though we're adults so we say more please. After garnering 4.3 million viewers for its premiere episode, HBO renewed the series for its 2nd season, one day after. One day. That should tell you quite a bit. Not having read the books, we know very little of what's to come, though the things we do know are pretty massive spoilers, so we're going to stay generic on those topics. Here's what we love the most so far about Game of Thrones: Sean Bean/Lord Eddard Stark- How can you not love Sean Bean, especially in a role like this. Eddard Stark is the main character of the show for the most part, and so far he's been endearing and quietly fierce. I'm thinking he will get less quiet pretty soon. There's one spoiler about him we wish we hadn't read, so we urge you not to go poking around online about the books, unless you want to be spoiled. Trust us, you don't. Arya- The youngest Stark Daughter, Arya wants to play with swords rather than dolls, and she's got a feisty spirit. She's one of the strongest characters in the show thus far, and we can't wait to see what she develops into. Jon Snow- Eddard Stark's bastard son, his surname is Snow as is the surname of all Bastards in the North. He's destined for great things we think, and the fact that his mother's identity is such a mystery makes him compelling to say the least. He's a bad ass in waiting, we just know he is. Tyrion/Peter Dinklage- Make all the jokes about small stature that you will, but this actor is massive on talent. Maybe the only Lannister that doesn't deserve a painful death, from his "bitch slap" scene on, you will love him. My personal favorite character thus far. I hope he plays a major role throughout the whole thing. Emilia Clarke/Danerys- If after looking upon this girl's beauty you aren't instantly captivated, you're gay. It's fine if you are, I'm just saying that you're gay. She's freakishly gorgeous, and plays the role of Danerys with a subtle power... she's just great to watch. I love British chicks. The Dire Wolves- Grey Wind, Lady, Nymeria, Summer, Shaggydog, and Ghost -all adopted by the Stark children- are the Stark family Symbol. So far, they have proven pretty awesome, and they get even more awesome down the road. I mean, they grow to be as big as horses, so that has to be awesome. Plus, other spoilery things. Good stuff. The Eggs- What are the eggs that Danerys was given as a wedding gift? Petrified dragon's eggs, that's what. We do wonder how long they'll stay petrified though... The Others/White Walkers- We've only seen them once so far, but wow, we need to see them again. From the Wiki: "The Others, known amongst the wildlings as White Walkers, are a race of creatures that have been recorded to exist north of the Wall. Before the events of A Song of Ice and Fire, the Others had not been seen on Westeros since the end of The Long Night over 8,000 years previous. In the Seven Kingdoms, the Others came to be regarded as an extinct race or simply a fairy tale. Events in A Song of Ice and Fire have proven this belief to be untrue. The Others appear as tall, gaunt humanoids with chalk white skin and eyes of blue so deep it burns like fire. They wear reflective armor that shifts in color with every step, and wield thin crystal swords that seem to give off a bluish hue. They ride corpses of dead animals. Creatures killed by the Others reanimate as undead zombies called wights." So seriously, while everyone is fighting and politicking between themselves south of The Wall, The White Walkers are probably going to be a big problem for them all soon enough... There's plenty more that's good about the show so far, but to list it all would be crazy. It's a great show, sure to give genre fans something to look forward to on Sunday night for the next 6 weeks. Get on board now, and be happy that you did. *TV Guide has put together a great Guide to Game of Thrones here.

2013 will be the year of the Space Pirate!

So let me get this straight.. Alexandre Aja, the man who gave us Haute Tension, The Hills Have Eyes and Piranha 3D, is making an 80's style, space pirate movie? !!!!! That poster brings to mind so many post-apocalyptic and cheesy space movies from the past that we can't help but be excited. Snake Plissken with a gun hand, anyone? "In a future where merchant spaceships and ruthless brigands sail across space, Cobra is a notorious rogue pirate whose refusal to align with the United Galaxies Federation or the Pirates Guild puts him on the business end of a huge bounty. As he tries to keep his identity secret and avoid capture, Cobra teams up with a sexy bounty hunter named Jane, who is out to locate her sisters and decode a treasure map tattooed on their backs. Their goal: to liberate a lost treasure on Mars." 2013 can't get here soon enough.