DVD Review: Gnome Alone (2015)

I'm honestly not even sure why we're taking the time to review this movie, as its title instantly clues you into the fact that you're in for a Sharknado (or worse) type of an experience, and that's really not the kind of thing that we dig. But here we are.

Before we say anything critical about Gnome Alone, let us say that we understand that it's obviously meant for people who like campy, silly, ridiculous, cheesy, and bad movies. If you love the average Syfy original, or something like Leprechaun 2: Back 2 Tha Hood, then you'll most likely get a kick out of this effort. As bad as Gnome Alone is, it at least knows what it is, and it's not ashamed to admit it.

As much as we disliked Gnome Alone, it's too bad last year's Leprechaun: Origins didn't have the same fun, self-aware vibe about it.

DON'T ASK.

Long ago, a Leprechaun was in love with a Witch, but she was a shady Witch who sought only to steal the wee sucker's gold (which by the way, looks a lot like Dave & Buster's game tokens), so true love was not in the cards for them. Pissed off at her thievery, the Leprechaun suckers some Priest into helping him capture the Witch, and brand her with some symbol that "marks her for eternity." Pissed off at being marked, the Witch heads to a mud pit where she summons two naked whores who rub on each other soft-core porn style, which somehow enables her to conjure up a guardian Gnome, who kills the Priest who marked her. Once the Witch dies, she passes on the symbol to someone new, so that the Gnome can protect them too. Right. *This was the best part of the entire movie.

WHY IS THIS LEPRECHAUN IN A WHEELCHAIR?

Fast-forward  to present day, and we see that a bag lady now bears the cursed mark. After being hit by a car, she passes it on to the unsuspecting Zoe, thus dooming everyone she knows to die at the tiny, evil hands of the Gnome... and what a mischievous little guy he is!

"WHERE'S ME GOLD!" WAIT, THAT'S THE OTHER GUY.

With the Gnome now on the loose, no one is safe. He kills, giggles, maims, wags his tongue, tries to make tender love to the slutty chick, giggles some more, kills some more, and he does it all with a full compliment of clever one-liners at his disposal.

That's all we're saying about this one because thinking about it makes our brain hurt. 

YEAH, US TOO.

The animated bits at the beginning of the movie were pretty cool, and we have to admit that at times, Verne Troyer's Gnome make-up looked pretty creepy, but that's about it as far as the movie's good points go. Oh, there's also a bunch of hot chicks in this one, so that's good too.

Overall though, Gnome Alone is so bad that it doesn't even make it to that hallowed "it's-so-bad-that-it's-good" territory, at least not for us. We just can't enjoy dumb movies like we used to, and this one is pretty dumb. It honestly feels like the only reason this movie exists is because someone thought that dressing Verne Troyer up in a Gnome costume and watching him pretend to be scary would be funny. But it wasn't. Hell, it wasn't even all that exploitative, and it should have been that, if anything.

THIS IS NOT GOING TO BE CONSENSUAL.

Verne Troyer was actually pretty good as the Gnome, but the movie really didn't give him much to do other than look silly. In addition giggling maniacally every time he's on-screen, the Gnome's go-to moves seem to be sticking his tongue out and wagging it around, and stretching his arms like he wants a hug. A tiny, tiny, little hug. The writers and directors of this movie (an there were a bunch of them) might have initially come up with a fun idea, but it's like they had no idea what to do with that idea, so they just strung together a bunch of gags (gore and otherwise), and just went with it.

PUT YOUR TONGUE BACK IN YOUR MOUTH, GNOME!

And the ending...  the part with Zoe came out of nowhere, and felt like it was just tacked on for the hell of it. The part in the hospital, which has the Leprechaun showing up in a wheelchair (WTF?!?) looking for his gold coin... well that was even worse.

We're just nitpicking at this point, so we're going to stop.

PRETTY SURE THIS SCENE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE IN A DIFFERENT MOVIE.

There's an audience for everything.

EVEN THIS.

Gnome Alone is a bad movie. It's supposed to be bad, and therein lies it's appeal to people who love movies like Mega-Sharkasaurus VS. Mongoloid Pteracuda, but that kind of thing is only cute to us for about 5 minutes before it starts to hurt.

If you like it cheesy, silly, and ridiculous, then you'll love this movie. If not, then it's probably best if you just left this particular gnome alone. Either way, Gnome Alone is still miles better than last year's Leprechaun: Origins. We have to at least give it that much.

D-

Gnome Alone is available now  on DVD and VOD.

Gnome Alone has one thing going for it, at least...