This week's Theatrical Trauma (1/10)

If you're looking to head to the Theater and watch a group of Navy Seals get the shit kicked out of them for two hours, then this is the day you've been waiting for, because Marky Mark's new movie, Lone Survivor, goes wide this weekend! We've seen it, and it's a kick in the nuts to watch, but it's a great flick.

On the Horror tip, we have Raze; the story of a bunch of hot chicks forced to Fight Club each other to death for what I'm guessing is the amusement of rich people? We'll tune into anything if it means watching Zoe Bell kick the shit out of Rachel Nichols... that came out way more wrong than it sounded in our heads.

Cold Comes the Night is a Thriller that stars the ever-awesome Brian Cranston and the ever-sexy Alice Eve. The movie is getting mixed reviews, but we're all for watching Cranston kill people (because he is the one who knocks), and we're keeping our fingers crossed that Alice Eve will get naked in this one (because, those titties.) We're really not expecting much from this one, which means we'll probably end up liking it.

The Banshee Chapter is a Found Footage/Traditional Film hybrid that looks mediocre to us. The best thing that we can say about this one is that it has Ted Levine in it, so maybe we may end up liking it. Maybe.

Finally, there's The Truth About Emanuel, about which we have only two words to say: Kaya Scodelario.

Good or not, at least we have some options this weekend. That didn't sound optimistic at all, did it?