"Oh, poster that I thought looked cool, how you deceived me!"
After sitting through 20 minutes of what may be the worst car chase in
Motion Picture history -featuring an ominous truck that honked 23 times to inspire terror in its victims, and a group of annoying-as-hell characters agonizing over what to do about said truck- I though to myself "Hey self, isn't this supposed to be a
Slasher flick?"
The bad news is that yes,
Bunnyman is a
Slasher flick. The even worse news is that as a
Slasher flick, it's a ridiculous mess.
Remember the shoestring-budgeted, cinematic shit piles that made up the bulk of
Slasher flicks of the early
80's? You know the ones that were seldom good movies, but always delivered where it counted; gore, kill scenes, atmosphere, and hot naked chicks;
The Prowler,
Happy Birthday to Me,
House on Sorority Row... they weren't great films per se, but they were gritty and delivered the goods that any good
Slasher flick should.
It's really too bad that
Slasher flicks these days just don't quite measure up in that same way.
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| Yep, this is what passes as a "New Horror Icon..." when you buy quotes from crappy websites that are near impossible for Google to locate. It's on the poster, look for yourself. |
Bunnyman is the story of a group of asshole 20-something's driving around on rural back roads, eagerly heading somewhere, when they piss of some creepy inbred locals, and end up learning why you never drive rural back roads and piss off inbred locals. Yes, you have seen the same exact plot of this movie 500 times before, and no, this time is not better than any of those times before.
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| And everyone called Leatherface retarded... |
After cutting off a dump truck with blacked out windows, which results in a harrowing (LMAO)
20 MPH pursuit through the back roads of
Asscrack, Virginia, our car full of assholes decides to pull over to escape the mystery driver's wrath, only to have the evil truck follow them. Then, after arguing about how no one is sure what to do, they decide to "wait him out." Seriously. The guy just tried to kill them with his truck (albeit at
20 MPH) and they decide to sit in the car until he leaves. For hours.
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| "Don't worry, he'll wait." |
The truck does eventually leave, only to drive them off the road again later on, which prompts the characters to sit and stare out of the windows for what seems like another few hours... Then the truck comes back, hits the bumper of the car, and leaves again! What is the hell going on in this movie!
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| She's actually laughing at us for asking stupid fucking questions that have no reasonable answers. |
Bunnyman features some of the dumbest characters I've seen on film in a long time, doing some of the stupidest things I've seen done on film in a long time. For 50+ minutes they meander around slowly, and I mean s-l-o-w-l-y, and go on and on about not knowing what to do. When one of them dies? Meh. They walk slowly down the road, emotionless and unaffected. Then they take a nap, A FRIGGING NAP, after which they wake up cracking jokes. Who wrote this shit?
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| "I can't believe Tom's dead... what a day! LOL!" |
The
Bunnyman shows up eventually, and the Slasher movie truly begins... to suck even more! (Ha! I made a funny.) The
Bunnyman as it turns out is a part of...wait for it... some quirky and creepy inbred family, who just happen to love killing passers-by! Do you see where this is all going? Good. Because I don't want to remember it enough to recall it to you anymore.
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| NO. |
Bunnyman comes off goofy as opposed to... whatever it was supposed to come off as, I guess. Even the old go-to of
Slasher flicks, the kills, are lackluster in this one; most are implied or partially shown, and aside from some spraying blood here or there, offer us nothing exciting to redeem the rest of the movie's flaws. The acting is plain old bad, the story is tired and stale, and the movie is about as tension-filled as a broken rubber band.
We just can't want this one, in any way, shape or form.
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| You're better off taking a good nap and skipping this one. |
Click the pic below to see 5 things that we didn't hate about
Bunnyman... because we're fair, and all.
Hmm...For a "new horror icon," it looks more like someone saw Robbie the Rabbit in Silent Hill 3 and said "Fuck it, let's put someone in a costume that looks kind of like him and see if the movie sells."
ReplyDeleteWeirdly, this is one of those "based on a true story" things. There's this urban legend/ "true story" about a dude in what appears to be an Easter Bunny suit who carries around an axe and has been reported smashing car windshields and such things. Why someone would read that story and think "Hm, sounds terrifying. Let's make a movie!" I have not the foggiest.
ReplyDeletesounds a little too good to be true. I'm really hop(p)ing to see a killer in a mascot suit, something that really works, but this looks bad enough. (Just look at that cover art!)
ReplyDeleteLOL Kaijinu.
ReplyDeleteIt was bad enough, silly us for thinking it might be fun :)~
This film would make a great training video on what not to do to a film all the way across the board. The whole cast is better suited somewhere in the porn industry where intelligence and believeability can be non-existant. The car they drive was rear-ended 3 times by a truck with no damage whatsoever. During these attacks by the truck not one actor shows an ounce of geniune fear. They then get "run off the road" which takes #1 at least 100ft to stop the car which becomes mysteriously broke down. This film is an audio/video failure and makes me believe I could seriously direct. I could write a book on the problems of every aspect of Bunnyman. Somehow I find it a must see for the critic & a don't bother for the average viewer.
ReplyDeleteYea stantique, this movie was a total mess. In all fairness I cant imagine it was actually supposed to be good, but that's no excuse for how bad it was.
ReplyDeleteI'm really frustrated. The movie everyone is talking about here is a 2009 release that, I must agree, is really seriously awful. There is SUPPOSED to be a 2011 release by the same name (you can look it up in IMDB) that, while probably also awful, looks funny as hell. And I can't find it, I keep getting this terrible movie instead. Bah.
ReplyDeleteAnon, the Bunnyman you're talking about looks more like a short film type of thing.
ReplyDeleteEmail the director and he may tell you how to see it.
1 hour 25 mins of me life i won't get back
ReplyDeleteUs too, Ambrose. Us too.
ReplyDelete