Quick Review: Bane (2009)

"A woman awakes in a cell with three others to find she is part of a horrible experiment."

Bane is pretty much a low-grade, incompetent version of Martyrs, and depending on where you stand on that movie... no, it doesn't really matter if you liked Martyrs or not, this is a still a crappy movie.

For lack of a better phrase, Bane seems like it's too far up its own ass for its own good; it's over-long, far too self-important, and it's just a laughable mess of a movie.

They tried though, They tried.

What are those Luchadores doing to her?

• First off, I hate the "handy-cam" look; movies shot with cheap hand-held cameras look cheap and shitty, especially when they're cheap and shitty.
• Second, this movie went on for about 40 minutes too long; it's not like the script was so rich that it needed room to breathe, or that the actors were so dynamic that the director just "let them go" because their brilliance just had to be captured on film... No. It sucked, and dragged on... sloooooowly.
• Third, what a convoluted bunch o' crap.
• Finally... no, I pretty much said everything I have to say about this one. We're done here.

Um... you get an A for effort?

I just couldn't get into this one at all. Maybe it's because I saw Martyrs first, and this movie reminded me on a poor man's version of it, but not really. I don't know, it just sucked.

Kinky.